Around your simple question
Of why I’d like to be a judge
There is a simple answer
And on that I will not fudge
I’ve checked out all my options
And it seems a great career
Travelling to competitions round the world
Without worry care or fear

You don’t need to know much about the sport
There’s no check on what you do
And though you are not officially paid
You are when you know who
to talk to for some money
There’s a Russian I am told
Pays plenty for the right support
If your votes can be bought or sold

I would move quickly up the ranks
Cos I don’t mind if I have a wet brown nose
I can be charming and considerate
To those that I suppose
can help me to gain power
To Speedy I’d be sweet
I’d love the privileges that go with judging
Without the hard work of those that do compete.

Because I wouldn’t have to do much
My competency would not be on display
I’d love all the celebratory dinners
And going to places where I didn’t have to pay
From Russia to America I could pretend to take a stance
About a competition that I had slept thorough
My marks I’d have worked out in advance

It would be one big party
Yes the lifestyle sounds just great
And the best part of the job
Is that I would not have to know how to skate.