The Unsupportive Husband
Jonny Coop inspires more threads around here than anyone, LOL. After reading JC's post in the Andrea Yates thread I thought of this little story that our own DeLo sent me................................
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and Lord knows there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grille at the club; so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take these ol’ gals for better or worse, you know; so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much, just so long as she doesn’t ever miss a payment due date. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (she has gotten a bit “broad in the beam,” if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a couple of minutes. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Debbie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult, and some will even find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Poor Bob died suddenly on May 27th. The police report says that he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club rammed up “where the sun don’t shine,” with only two inches of grip showing. His wife Debbie was arrested and charged with murder; however, the all-woman jury found her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that he accidentally sat down on it.
Last edited by Piel; 07-27-2006 at 06:03 PM.
rofl...that "defense" is such BS it's not even funny...or wait, maybe it is...
In my heart, I'm actually Canadian....
:chorus: :chorus: :chorus:
This reminds me of this sketch on the Muppet Show. Candice Bergen was the guest star and she did this number with this old Lumberjack/Prospector looking Muppet and Candice was slaving away in the background while the Muppet sang something called "Put Another Log On The Fire".
I have no problem going to the "default"... and I'm 21, female, in a society that basically is all for female power...
now, if he [whenever I do get a he lol] didn't like how I went about the work I'd probably have a few choice things to say... but if the marriage is right, it fits... naieve, yes... but then again I've seen it work with others...
my dad doesn't do a lot of the chores inside the house... he can make a mess with ease but, like me, it takes about 3 times as much effort to clean... my mom takes care of his messes inside... outside she makes the mess and he fixes and cleans up... it's not something that's a mandate, and it doesn't set my mother back to the stone age (she's a stay at home mom now, but worked full time while I was growing up) it's just how they keep the peace... he doesn't care how the house looks, she does... so it's her problem [this is how I see it, not how dad probably sees it] so she could go about. That doesn't mean dad can't help... or maybe even shouldn't... but it's just easier on all if they have their set places lol
and I don't think it's just straight couples that have these set places and issues... but then again I don't know many couples that aren't straight so I can't really judge, but it stands to reason...
I guess that's a good way of looking at it - looking at my parents they are pretty much the same - my mum cleans up and straightens the house out about five times faster than my dad can, and even if he does, its usually wrong!
Originally Posted by Tonichelle
What amazed me was a lot the guys seem to know how they want things doing and tell their partners what they want and their wives/girlfriends put up with it!
The reason i mentioned straight couples is that with gay couples the gender role division of tasks that occured almost naturally without discussion with my straight friends hasn't happened with the gay couples i know (including myself). Its up for discussion and no one half takes on all the housekeeping/cooking/cleaning tasks since that seems more than a little unfair. Thankfully my partner seems to love doing the things i hate (ironing...i know what a weirdo!! ) me i don't mind cleaning (where he does) and we both love cooking so it all works out ok, but i'd never dream of complaining about how he'd done the ironing (which i would otherwise not bother doing or send it out!) and if we're going out somewhere i would never dream of asking him to iron an item of clothign for me there and then like some of my straight friends do with their wives/girlfriends...of course if i did my partner would laugh hysterically and tell me to do it myself!!!
I end up doing alot of the chores in our house, not because my husband demands it, but because he takes forever to get things done, and "thorough" is definately not his middle name if you know what I'm saying. I try to get him to do things sometimes, but only when I have the patience to know it's not going to get done right away, and to realize there's probably something I'm going to have to finish.
MY TVC 1 5
I have never had a girlfriend and one wife, who cleaned or even cooked (one I met in the kitchen and say we were equals) "better" than I. Some (not all) I swear, just play stupid to get out of it too. And just because you may not be as "good" at it doesn't mean you can't try or ask how to help.
ROT, you can't get better at doing something by sitting on your butt.
I hate that when someone pretends not to know how to do something to get out of doing it. My sister does this all of the time. One Christmas as I was trying to get dinner on the table for 35 people I asked her if she would whip the cream for dessert. She replied "I don't know how to use your mixer". :banging: :banging: :banging:
Its the same way in my house. If I want it done quickly and the "right" way, its easier to do it myself.
Originally Posted by jak0203
However, I'm slowly training my boyfriend to do small things around the house like hang up his jacket (He says, "I'm just going to wear it tomorrow) or make the bed (Hiis answer, "We're just going to sleep in it in a few hours anyways, why bother).
I could tell you some horror stories about some things he pulled when I was gone away for school and often not home for a month, but some of then are REALLY gross.
MY TVC 1 5
I just thought of this, a little off topic but not soooo... But leaving your bed unmade (pulling back the covers) for a couple of hours to let the moisture out has actually shown to decrease the amount of bed mites and considerably reduce the "smells". - Dr. Phil. I have not been able to do this my self, it drives me crazy to leave my bed a mess.
Originally Posted by Kara Bear
I prefer washing my sheets to keep away mites and "smells"
Originally Posted by SeaniBu
Unmade beds drive me crazy too - I can't do anything in my house until my bed is made.
MY TVC 1 5
That is one of my treats to myself..... fresh sheets every day.......love em. Now I will admit to on lazy days stripping the bed throwing them in the washer and dryer and putting them back on...................saves folding a set. Hate to fold fitted sheets.
MY TVC 1 5
OMG!!!! So true I hate that, is it even possible?
Originally Posted by Piel