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  1. #1
    Minusaramadad from Arctaroon John King's Avatar
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    Joke Thread

    A banker,an electrician and a politician were all asked the same question:"Name the problem that occurs when expeniture exceeds input".The banker replied "Overdraft".The electrician replied "Overload".The politician replied "What problem?"

  2. #2
    Keeper of Bab's Death Stare... nubka's Avatar
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    What do you call a snail on a ship.....a snailor!!!

    O.k., I admit it...I stole this joke from Spongebob Squarepants!

  3. #3
    Figure Skating Is A Dangerous Sport Dee4707's Avatar
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    Another New Use For Duct Tape

    Got this in an email. I think it's a good joke.



    Dee

  4. #4
    MY TVC 1 5 SeaniBu's Avatar
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    I am a blonde, so this should be OK.....

    .... Like anyone couldn't have guessed that by reading some of my posts.

    A joke I made up long ago - have had people repeat it to me recently, so it came full circle.

    A blonde is traveling down the rural highway (farm country) and looks out to the middle of a green pasture to see a blond person sitting in a row boat on top of a stack of hay bails rowing away. Franticly stroking the oars in the air as if to be attempting to get some place. ???

    The blonde driving Slams on the breaks and pulls off to the side of the fence separating the green open pasture from where they pulled over the car. The blonde stands up in the car seat and starts yelling at the blonde in the row boat.
    "Hey you, STUPID! It's blondes like you who give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim I would come out there and kick your butt!"

  5. #5
    Figure Skating Is A Dangerous Sport Dee4707's Avatar
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    Sean,

    About six months ago, my great-aunt Rose retired after a working life that spanned more than fifty years. I talked to her the other day and asked what she does to make her days interesting.

    “Oh,” she said, “I’m really enjoying retirement. I play bridge a couple of days a week, and on Fridays I meet a group of other retired ladies at some nice place for lunch. And most other days, my good friend Helen and I get together.”

    “Do you ever get tired of your ‘routine’?” I asked.

    “Goodness, no,” she chuckled. “Helen and I always can find something new to do that’s fun. For example, one day last week, Helen and I went into town and stopped into this new little shop. We were only in there for about ten minutes; but when we came out, there was a policeman writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, ‘Young man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’ He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a Peanut Brain. He glared at me and then started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

    “So Helen called him a Pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a ticket for not being close enough to the curb. When I said, ‘Hey, Linguine -for-brains, don’t you have some criminals to go chase?’ he started writing a fourth ticket for a loose piece of chrome on the rear fender. This went on for about twenty minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

    “Finally, with a whole stack of tickets on the windshield, he got back on his motorcycle and rode off down the street.”

    “Good Lord, Aunt Rose,” I said, “you’re probably lucky he didn’t arrest you! All those tickets must have added up to a fortune.”

    “Maybe you’re right, Honey; I don’t really know. You see, Helen and I came into town on the bus. As I said, we just try to have a little fun each day. It's important at our age, you know.”

  6. #6
    Figure Skating Is A Dangerous Sport Dee4707's Avatar
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    Joe's will specified $30,000 was to be spent for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.

    "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"
    "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
    "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
    Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food, and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
    Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? Good grief, how big is it?"
    "Two-and-a-half carats."

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