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Thread: Joke Thread

  1. #16
    Figure Skating Is A Dangerous Sport Dee4707's Avatar
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    This is the All Time Stupid Joke

    A hamburger walked into a bar, climbed up onto a bar stool, looked at the bartender and ordered a tall cold beer. The bartender looked at the hamburger for a moment and replied, “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t sell you that drink.”

    The hamburger thought about this for a second and said, “I’m over 21. Why can’t you sell me a drink?”

    After looking at the hamburger for another moment, the bartender replied, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”

  2. #17
    Figure Skating Is A Dangerous Sport Dee4707's Avatar
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    Another Groaner!!!

    An elderly man with a hearing problem suddenly lost his hearing completely. Concerned, he went to the doctor who looked in his ear, picked up a pair of forceps, and extracted a suppository. “Here’s the trouble,” the doctor announced, showing it to him.

    The old man replied, “Now I know what I did with my hearing aid!”

  3. #18
    Minusaramadad from Arctaroon John King's Avatar
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    I was at my somewhat absent minded doctor's office for a complete physical,when I noticed him trying to write a perscription using a thermometer.I pointed this out to him,and then he exclaims "Oh darn!Now some @$$hole's got my pen!"

  4. #19
    average opinionated skate fan
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    Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona:

    1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER-WIDTH APART.
    2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
    3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
    4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
    5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
    6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
    7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
    8. DON'T STAN D DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
    9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
    10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

    WELL DONE. NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF.

  5. #20
    average opinionated skate fan
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    clean underwear

    Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this true story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

    The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

    On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead!

  6. #21
    Minusaramadad from Arctaroon John King's Avatar
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    What do you get when you cross a homing-pigeon with a parrot?Voice-mail.

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