Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Pithy Sayings or Are They Pithy?

  1. #1
    Custom Title Joesitz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    20,185

    Pithy Sayings or Are They Pithy?

    If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous
    erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my
    stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees
    things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement.

    Here are some of his gems:

    1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
    2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
    3 - Half the people you know are below average.
    4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
    6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
    7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
    8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
    9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
    10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend,...but she left me before we met.
    12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
    13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
    14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
    15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
    16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
    17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
    18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
    19 - I intend to live forever....so far, so good
    20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
    21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
    22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
    23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder"
    24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
    25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
    26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
    27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
    29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
    30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
    31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
    32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
    33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
    ...and my all time favorite-
    34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

    Joe

  2. #2
    MY TVC 1 5 SeaniBu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Watching the Wheels
    Posts
    4,984
    Joe, that is where I got my signature from. That is a great list - most of them.

  3. #3
    Custom Title Mathman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Detroit, Michigan
    Posts
    28,325
    Quote Originally Posted by Joesitz View Post
    34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
    Einstein wrestled with this question in 1905 (only it was a train), and came up with the Special Theory of Relativity. (They work, but they do not illuminate the road ahead. BTW, your car is now infinitely massive and the distance from the front bumper to the back is zero. )

  4. #4
    MY TVC 1 5 SeaniBu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Watching the Wheels
    Posts
    4,984
    Quote Originally Posted by Mathman View Post
    Einstein wrestled with this question in 1905 (only it was a train), and came up with the Special Theory of Relativity. (They work, but they do not illuminate the road ahead. BTW, your car is now infinitely massive and the distance from the front bumper to the back is zero. )
    Relativity is my favorite theory. It is like the "personal opinion" of "laws."

  5. #5
    Custom Title Joesitz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    20,185
    Quote Originally Posted by SeaniBu View Post
    Relativity is my favorite theory. It is like the "personal opinion" of "laws."
    I used to like relativity but I've fallen into dark holes.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •