From today's sports pages:
"<strong>Years later, bitter fan bites back</strong>
George Reilly, a bricklayer by trade, was going about his job quietly this week on a construction site in Corby, central England, when another worker punched him to the ground and chewed off his right ear.
The unidentified attacker whispered "Plymouth" into Reilly's other ear before running off. The victim needed 50 stitches to sew his ear back on and eight more stitches for a gash above his eye.
And what does it have to do with sports?
Go back a couple of decades when Reilly was a soccer player. His attacker apparently remembered he scored the winning goal in Wayford's 1-0 victory over Plymounth Argyle in a 1984 FA Cup semifinal.
"I can't believe someone held a grudge for that long," Reilly said. "I know people have strong loyalties, but this is taking it a bit far.""
Hmmm. I can see it in my mind's eye. Fast forward twenty years. A berserk Mathman leaps out of the crowd and bites international fashion designer Sasha Cohen, shouting, "You had the nerve to beat Michelle at the 2003 World Championships!" Cohen, the 2006 and 2010 Olympic figure skating champion, had long since retired from competition, of course.
But 27 time U.S. Champion Michelle Kwan is still going strong. Skating to excerpts from Eltamina's Tenth Symphony, Kwan recently dazzled the crowd at the 2023 U.S. Nationals, held in Baghdad, capital of the 51st state of the U.S.
Her astonishing performance prompted this response from N.Y. Times sports columnist Rgirl (winner of both the Pulitzer and the coveted Christine Brennen prizes): "I almost think I'm starting to see some potential in this girl."