Tombstones

These are actual tombstones

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a London, England cemetery:
Dec. 8, 1767

Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art
In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep;
And thou Wilt! t find a Penny.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont

Here lies the body of our Anna -
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be.
Prepare yourself and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went
^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^~~~^
From Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore
One slug from a 44
No Les
No Moore

Some of these people had a great twisted sense of humor.