PRESS RELEASE: ISU Headquarters 10/6/03 at 9:45 AM GST
President Ottavio Cinquanta today announced an addition to the Code of Points, the ISU's heralded new scoring system. "In an effort to make the Code of Points more appealing to the average skating fan, we have decided to institute a system of Bonus and Penalty Points tailored to the individual competitor." Mr. Cinquanta added, "This initiative is just another example of how the ISU leads the way in ensuring the growth of the sport." Reporters were provided with a representative sample group from the comprehensive international list still in development.
Evgeny Plushenko -- cut hair -- 2 points
Irina Slutskaya -- straighten free leg -- 6 points
Michelle Kwan -- perform classic layback -- 8 points
Ann-Patrice McDonough -- crack smile -- 10 points
Sasha Cohen -- take the Nicole Bobek challenge -- 100 points
The new Michael Weiss "ShutUpAndSkate" Initiative was also unveiled, with PENALTY POINTS to be awarded for media interview behavior as outlined below:
Employing any of the following words or phrases: win, first place, top of the podium, gold medal -- 10 minus points
Disparaging fellow competitors -- 20 minus points
References to "getting a Hummer" -- 50 minus points
Responding to questions from the floor, reporters were advised to stay tuned for further exciting developments from the ISU. "The Code of Points is always evolving." Mr. Cinquanta chuckled as he added, "We can always come up with new rules to distract the fans from crooked judging!"
PRESS RELEASE: ISU Headquarters 10/6/03 at 6:45PM GST
Response was mixed from elite competitors to today's surprise announcement by ISU President Ottavio Cinquanta that the Code of Points had been expanded to include Bonus and Penalty Points.
Evgeny Plushenko reacted to the news by musing, "Maybe now I grow hair down to waist. Timmy can have my 2 points. He need more than me."
Displaying a rare loss of composure, Michelle Kwan waxed indignant. "I'm not changing my layback spin for a lousy eight points!" she declared. "Anyway, it's not fair that I should have to change a SignatureSpin to earn bonus points, when Irina just has to do something she ought to be doing anyway!"
Sasha Cohen could not be reached for comment, but Peggy Fleming was obviously miffed by the new ruling, stating "Sasha has a beautiful body. She doesn't need to change a thing. Sasha is the most talented, exciting skater to come along in years, and she doesn't need any special help to succeed."
On the plus side, several elite skaters not specifically mentioned in today's announcement were overheard eagerly anticipating their individual incentives. American Senior Men's competitor Johnny Weir commented, "Oh boy, I hope I can get some bonus points for making it through my long program!"
Michael Weiss, arriving in his Chevy Suburban at a hastily arranged news conference, revealed that he was working with Deepak Chopra and expressed confidence that this was the year in which he would "take [his] rightful place in the competitive arena."
In other news, Ann-Patrice McDonough today announced a partnership with Crest WhiteStrips.