Kwan Decries CoP Additions | Golden Skate

Kwan Decries CoP Additions

giseledepkat

Rinkside
Joined
Oct 7, 2003
PRESS RELEASE: ISU Headquarters 10/6/03 at 9:45 AM GST


President Ottavio Cinquanta today announced an addition to the Code of Points, the ISU's heralded new scoring system. "In an effort to make the Code of Points more appealing to the average skating fan, we have decided to institute a system of Bonus and Penalty Points tailored to the individual competitor." Mr. Cinquanta added, "This initiative is just another example of how the ISU leads the way in ensuring the growth of the sport." Reporters were provided with a representative sample group from the comprehensive international list still in development.

BONUS POINTS

Evgeny Plushenko -- cut hair -- 2 points
Irina Slutskaya -- straighten free leg -- 6 points
Michelle Kwan -- perform classic layback -- 8 points
Ann-Patrice McDonough -- crack smile -- 10 points
Sasha Cohen -- take the Nicole Bobek challenge -- 100 points


The new Michael Weiss "ShutUpAndSkate" Initiative was also unveiled, with PENALTY POINTS to be awarded for media interview behavior as outlined below:

Employing any of the following words or phrases: win, first place, top of the podium, gold medal -- 10 minus points
Disparaging fellow competitors -- 20 minus points
References to "getting a Hummer" -- 50 minus points


Responding to questions from the floor, reporters were advised to stay tuned for further exciting developments from the ISU. "The Code of Points is always evolving." Mr. Cinquanta chuckled as he added, "We can always come up with new rules to distract the fans from crooked judging!"




PRESS RELEASE: ISU Headquarters 10/6/03 at 6:45PM GST


Response was mixed from elite competitors to today's surprise announcement by ISU President Ottavio Cinquanta that the Code of Points had been expanded to include Bonus and Penalty Points.

Evgeny Plushenko reacted to the news by musing, "Maybe now I grow hair down to waist. Timmy can have my 2 points. He need more than me."

Displaying a rare loss of composure, Michelle Kwan waxed indignant. "I'm not changing my layback spin for a lousy eight points!" she declared. "Anyway, it's not fair that I should have to change a SignatureSpin to earn bonus points, when Irina just has to do something she ought to be doing anyway!"

Sasha Cohen could not be reached for comment, but Peggy Fleming was obviously miffed by the new ruling, stating "Sasha has a beautiful body. She doesn't need to change a thing. Sasha is the most talented, exciting skater to come along in years, and she doesn't need any special help to succeed."

On the plus side, several elite skaters not specifically mentioned in today's announcement were overheard eagerly anticipating their individual incentives. American Senior Men's competitor Johnny Weir commented, "Oh boy, I hope I can get some bonus points for making it through my long program!"

Michael Weiss, arriving in his Chevy Suburban at a hastily arranged news conference, revealed that he was working with Deepak Chopra and expressed confidence that this was the year in which he would "take [his] rightful place in the competitive arena."

In other news, Ann-Patrice McDonough today announced a partnership with Crest WhiteStrips.
 
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tharrtell

TriGirl Rinkside
On the Ice
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
Where are the rollin' emoticons when you need them? That was HYSTERICAL! Pegged everyone perfectly.

:laugh:

edited 'cause I can't spell.
 

Yazmeen

On the Ice
Joined
Jul 29, 2003
OMG, thank you, I REALLY needed that on what was a totally crappy day. Bravo!!!!:laugh:
 

giseledepkat

Rinkside
Joined
Oct 7, 2003
Aww, thanks guys! (Where's that blushing emoticon?) Glad you enjoyed it -- any additions/further suggestions are most welcome!
 

hockeyfan228

Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
giseledepkat said:

Michael Weiss, arriving in his Chevy Suburban at a hastily arranged news conference, revealed that he was working with Deepak Chopra and expressed confidence that this was the year in which he would "take [his] rightful place in the competitive arena."

I guess he couldn't get the Dalai Lama.
 

giseledepkat

Rinkside
Joined
Oct 7, 2003
*** NEWS FLASH ***

In a tersely worded statement, ISU President Ottavio Cinquanta sought to stem the tide of requests from elite skaters worldwide for special considerations under the new CoP "Bonus Points" Program. Mr. Cinquanta cautioned, "We are the ISU. We make the rules." Sources report that the statement was prompted in particular by multiple dance teams soliciting double-digit awards for coloring their hair.

In related news, Canadian Men's Champion Emanuel Sandhu hotly denied rumors that he had expressed interest in taking the Nicole Bobek Challenge, should Sasha Cohen decline.
 
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registered

On the Ice
Joined
Aug 17, 2003
** Most recent update**

Latest newswire from Honk Kong.

Michelle Kwan have just sent a counter-offer to the ISU. Though, she's still not interested in classic lay-back spin, she said, she'll accept a "Peggy Fleming Challenge" for 100 points, to match it to Cohen's "Bobek Challenge."

Peggy Fleming is still unavailable for comment, but Miss Cohen is on record, saying, that Peggy's got the most beautiful face, that reminds her of Audrey Hepburn's, and in fact, of her own.

More updates to follow...
 

giseledepkat

Rinkside
Joined
Oct 7, 2003
Re: ?????

kappa_1 said:
:confused:
Someone explain please!!!:(

Hee! OK, here's a hint: ...(.)(.)...

If that doesn't do the trick, check the Before and After thread. (I bumped it for ya...)
 
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Joined
Aug 3, 2003
I smell a WINNAH! Love it love it, love it, Gisel, especially your "hint" for the Nicole Bobek Challenge. I hope you have funny moments often. This is just what I think we all needed after the first event of the season.

BTW, not that it will get them anything, but I'm personally offering $100 bucks to the first commentator, Dick, Peggy, or Terry, who jumps up during Sasha's spin and yells "BEAVER CLEAVER!" during a live broadcast. I'm betting it will be Peggy.

100 point GS :laugh: bonus to Gisel!
Rgirl
 
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