Jenny Kirk: The Overzealous Skating Parent

[R.D.]

http://trueslant.com/jenniferkirk/20...kating-parent/

Once a parent is thrust into the skating world, they soon find out that skating is a sport that comes with few guarantees. Control is elusive. Many parents–and skaters–find themselves grasping for it in any way possible. Sometimes a parent’s desire to help facilitate their child’s success can lead them to some pretty extreme behavior. Some of these behaviors can be detrimental to a skater and can have long lasting effects on them both physically and mentally.

Then once again, she tells stories about examples she witnessed. Another good read.

[dwiggin3]

"My mother was extremely strict with me about training. She often lied to my coaches, telling them that I was only skating five days a week when I was really skating seven. When I broke my pelvis, she made me train for two months before taking me to a doctor. During practices, I would regularly complain about the pain, and she often told me that I was becoming “soft” for not training as hard as I had before I had injured my hip.

Once my x-rays came back, and it was confirmed that there was something medically wrong with me, instead of feeling upset that I had a serious injury, I felt validated. While my mom did seek out some of the best physical therapists in Massachusetts to help me recover, she wouldn’t allow me to any take time off from skating. I was afraid of taking a session off to rest my hip for fear of her thinking I was not “working hard.”....."

Wow.

[Kwanford Wife]

"Some parents enter the sport for all the wrong reasons. These parents are destined to be stage moms. They live vicariously through their child. Their child’s success become their success. They see every action their child does as a reflection on them. Unable to distinguish between the boundaries of a healthy parent-child relationship, these moms and dads get blinded by their own dreams."

As a true soccer mom, I see this everyday... and sometimes even in myself... and its sick the glow some parents get when they hear (usually from a coach looking for a new gig...) what potential the kid has and how they could be great if the parents did one specific thing... but here's the rub - its always one NEW specific thing and once parents start plowing cash into a child's activities... yowza... it becomes "WE had a game - WE had practice" when its really "I drove Alex to HIS game and HE has practice"

Parents need to wake up and just come terms with their main roles: paying the bills and driving the car. With a lot of love and support thrown in... Jennifer Kirk has writen the Parent's Note of the day and I continue to be impressed by her...

Off to forward her post to my soccer parent email circle... I expect a few nasty comments back - but such is life...

[Nadine]

Excellent article! Unfortunately, replace "overzealous skating parent" with the word fan instead and it could apply to me as well.

Seriously, I hope those skaters I've been a fan of for a long long time don't read some of my posts & feel pressured by them. I'm thinking of Evgeni here...hmmm...it's just that I feel one should be surrounded by positivity instead of the opposite. Also, I believe we become our thoughts, thus there's no room for any thought or talk of the opposite. And I believe in God, and fate, the two go hand & hand, if it is meant to be, it will be, and so it is written.

Back to the poignant article, my heart goes out to not only Jenny, but others like her in the sport. How heartbreaking (reminds me of Michael Jackson's father beating him as a child). This is not the way to true success. One must be surrounded by l o v e first & foremost. That's the reason why we're down here after all, love & knowledge, knowledge & love.

[R.D.]

I got the impression from reading the article that the very "love" that's being mentioned is exactly what is driving many of these parents to this extreme behavior. I imagine it must be tough to strike a balance between noninvolvement and overzealous "support". On the skaters' side, if the internal pressures weren't bad enough, the pressure of letting family down has just got to be brutal.

[Tinymavy15]

My mother was extremely strict with me about training. She often lied to my coaches, telling them that I was only skating five days a week when I was really skating seven. When I broke my pelvis, she made me train for two months before taking me to a doctor. During practices, I would regularly complain about the pain, and she often told me that I was becoming “soft” for not training as hard as I had before I had injured my hip.

When I look back on my mom’s actions, and as I watch the actions of today‘s parents, I can see that it was not healthy for the parent-child relationship.

It is good that Jenny wrote about this issue, but lashing out at her mom? I feel like Jenny almost hates the sport and is using this blog to vent all her frustrations. Am i right that Jenny's mom passed away a few years ago and Jenny was devastated and lost interest in the sport? If I were her I would have written about the issue, but left out any personal details. no point bad mouthing your mom. It's over now.

[Nadine]

Red Dog, I didn't see love in the article in any way/shape/or form, but my definition of love is my late father. He defined the true meaning of success, which is love.

This is one of Jennifer's most reflective articles, a rare look into the other side of the sport, from one whom has seen it all, and I would imagine that it is cathartic for Jenny, to get it all out.

This article makes me think twice about what is the true relationship between a skater & his/her parent(s). I mean some things are common knowledge (aka Tonya Harding & her mom, Tiffany Chin & mom, AP McDonough & mom, et al).

Then there are those I've always wondered about (e.g. Michelle's mom seemed like the loving caring one, whereas her dad I'm not so sure, but then again I'm sure his pushing was the impetus of her success). How's that old saying go about opposites attracting & there being a fair balance.

Lol, what I'm really wondering about is Elvis & his mom. She was always there, by his side, in the audience, even had a shrine to his success. And Elvis steadfastly said she was his biggest fan. There seemed genuine love & affection there. In my mind Elvis was the one whom pushed himself, the one whom wanted to be #1, a workaholic, et al. As a fan I saw nothing amiss. In this case, I honestly believe nobody else pushed Elvis except Elvis. He skated in pain (especially during his last two Olympics) because he chose to, it was his decision, nobody else. He truly gave his life to this sport because he loves what he does ~ he loves to skate! In fact, I heard he's back skating again. He reminds me of the Protopopovs, Katarina Witt, Sonja Henie.

On a downside, I recall reading in Ekaterina Goordeva's book that Sergei didn't like to skate, he even told Scott Hamilton that he hated it. :( He said he skated because he had to. What he really wanted to do was travel the world & enjoy life. So sad, this coming from a 2-time Olympic Gold Medalist. But then again I recall Katia said that Sergei was disappointed with how he performed in the 1994Olympics because of his mistake on singling one of his jumps, and he seriously wanted to compete in the 1998 Olympics. So who knows...

[Bennett]

I understand that skating can be a lot of investiment for parents, as it involves really a lot of money, unusual schedules, preparation of costumes, driving to and from the rink etc.

I recall watching a TV program describing how Shizuka's parents made a lot of sacrifice for her skating because her father was not particularly wealthy. So her mom did a lot of parttime jobs to make ends meet.

Mao's former coach Machiko Yamada said in an interview that she welcomed kids' parents always watching them at the rinkside. She believes that parents are the ones who could pay exclusive attention to the kids that she herself cannot provide. She even lets the parents "teach" the kids. So a group of parents sit on the rinkside--each of them intensely watching their own kids. I found it an impressive view