Rude people at work

I just started a new job, and there was only a few people who were nice to me. The rest act like I don't exsist, never ask me about my weekend, what I am doing. They go out to lunch or after work and don't invite me, and I have caught them gossiping about me a couple of times. I have been nothing but nice-I just don't get it. The place I left we were like one big family and it is so hard to come to a place where I am excluded. My friends say who cares about them, do you really want to be friends with them anyways? Well, no but I do work there 40 hrs a week and I'd appreciate it if they even acknowledge that I am taking up space in their world.

I try to get them to interact with me, but its not working. I go out of my way to say Hi to them, how was your weekend, and all I get is curt answers and then they go back talking with each other again, never bothering to keep me included. AARGH!! Anyone have any similar problems, or any suggestions for me? It has been hard because the last place I worked I was there for 8 years (had to leave due to layoffs) and it was so scarey to start a new job anyways.

All I could say is just be polite and bide your time. After you've been there a while maybe they will warm up. It really sounds to me like they are probably jealous of something. Maybe whoever had your job before was a friend and got fired and they seem to think you had something to do with it. I know I had that problem once and ended up not staying anyway but all the women were really unfriendly. Could be they are jealous because you're better looking or younger or something you have no power over. I sure hope it improves soon.

Thanks for the reply, grgranny. I'm sure it will get better, and you are probably right about alot of it. I have had two days off and am dreading going back tommorow. It makes for a long day!

I agree with Granny, be polite. And if they continue being so icy, be sickly polite. They won't know what to do if you're just SO nice it hurts! New job situations are always difficult. You are entering into an established environment and that makes certain people uncomfortable. They'll eventually figure out you're a great person and get over their insecurities. But, if they don't, who cares, you can't make everyone love you and often you really shouldn't want to. Some people just suck! LOL! And women can be the worst! Spiteful, gossiping, cubicle snakes...every office has at least one!

Can't comment on your precise situation.

Just as in school, people can get cliquish. It usually takes an ice breaker between you and one person in the group to break it.

My 1st job was a great experience. Everyone was in same general age range - early 20's to late 20's, single or newly married, no kids. We all had a lot of fun and got to know everyone's significant others. I know that it's changed a lot since I left in 1992. Most now have kids - the people that used to go out ALL THE TIME, are now never seen. I still see some friends from that job even though I live in NJ and most of them live in NYC, Queens or LI - I really only see the ones with the older children or who are still childless.

My 2nd job stank with regards to socializin except for one person. I was swing person between 2 locations. At the north location, everyone either had young kids or were commuting from Brooklyn to NJ - so, no one ever went out. There were a few lunches here and there, but most ate at their desks. Not a lot of chit chat since people wanted to be able to leave on time.

My current job has had ups and downs. I've been there almost 9 years and have had different groups of friends. They mostly changed because the other people left the company. So, I had one group who always ate lunch in the cafeteria - then they all changed jobs within a matter of a couple of months. Then, I started running errands and such a lot because I needed to escape the building. Occassionally, I would have lunch with some of the newer people - but they were all pretty much eat lunch at desk to get home to babies at home for a while. Right now, I'm in a group with no kids at home...at least one weekly lunch out, occasional gatherings outside of work, met each other's significant others, etc.

So, you can't really compare jobs socially. A lot depends upon varying life situations.

Don't know what your co-workers are gossiping about. Try to figure out who might be open to lunch out and ask. They might think that you're being stand-offish.

These are all great posts and so true. When it comes to jobs and socializing one person's ideal is another's hell. The only thing I have to add is that however things work out take the opportunity to observe and learn people behavior. It will be just as useful for you to learn how to work with the snakes as it is to make friends. Some people just like to create trouble. Good luck!
Rgirl

amykaren:

Sometimes it takes awhile to settle in to a new job, and people treat you like "the new kid on the block" for quite awhile. Don't take it too personally. I don't have a lot of pals at work either. I just remind myself, I am there to work not socialize. We can't expect everyone to like us either.

Just get to know the job really well, make a good impression. I am sure they will warm up to you in time!