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Thread: Is this right?

  1. #1
    SkatingFantasy
    Guest

    Is this right?


    My husband's doctors have given him 2 to 5 years to live because they found out that his kidneys are only functioning at 35%. He has had diabetes for about 6 years now. The first 2 years he didn't take his medicine because he didn't "feel sick", therefore he "wasn't sick", he says; next two years he started taking his medicine like he should and now he's doing everything he should to be taking care the best possible care that he can but the damage he's done from walking around with his blood sugar at 500 for such a long period of time is irreversible.
    So now we are discussing kidney transplants. I would be more than willing to give him a kidney if my blood type was the same as his and all the conditions for his body to accept a kidney from me was right but it would be more likely that his mother's kidney would be better for him and more likely that his body wouldn't reject it. And his mom has emailed me wanting me to give her the names of his doctor's so she can look into this, however my husband does not , in no way , absolutely does not want his mother to go thru with something like this and if he found out that i gave her the names of his doctors he would friek out! But his mother is adamant about looking into this, so this is my dilema. What do you all think is the right thing to do? If i don't give her the names of his doctors I know she will be upset with me.

  2. #2
    SammieJ
    Guest

    Re: Is this right?


    SkatingFantasy,

    I am so, so sorry! I will pray for your husband and you.


    Give your mother- in- law the information.

    After that, it is between your husband, his mother, and your husband's doctor. His doctor will not do anything against his wishes, and he might be able to talk some sense into him.

  3. #3
    DORISPULASKI
    Guest

    Re: Is this right?


    This is hard. My husband has diabetes and has managed to avoid much kidney damage so far, but he is religious about his medications. If your husband gets a kidney transplant, whoever the donor is, there are a ton of things that he has to do and another ton he has to avoid and he has to be religious about them from day one. A friend of ours announced he needed a kidney in church. A women he didn't know well volunteered and turned out to be a match. Don't give up hope. His mother is not the only possible match.

    As to telling your mother in law the name of your husband's doctors, tell your husband one of the worst things a person can go through is the death of their child. My middle brother died before my dad (heart attack). Dad was completely devastated. Tell your husband his mom would rather die than have him die, and that's what it is to be a mother. I know I would do it for either of my kids. Ask him to tell his mother the name of his doctor. Again.

    And be sure you get multiple opinions and pick the best doc in your area to do this kind of surgery. And the best hospital.

    Good luck. My prayers, for what they are worth, are with you.
    My husband still has his leg because of prayer, persistence, and great doctors. Miracles do happen if you work at them.

    Doris



  4. #4
    Show 42
    Guest

    Re: Is this right?


    I am so sorry. My prayers are also with you. Doris is right, miracles can and do happen.....42

  5. #5
    RealtorGal
    Guest

    Re: Is this right?


    I am so very sorry. I do believe in miracles--I'm praying one comes into your lives in this case.

  6. #6
    heyang
    Guest

    Re: Is this right?


    Yes - by all means give your MIL the names of the doctors. Everyone needs to make an informed decision. I love the idea of telling your husband that his mother would be devastated to not be allowed to help if she can.

    You should also tell him that everyone has 2 kidneys and that you go through most of your life not using even 1 to full capacity. Even though there are risks to his Mom, they are not as risky as his part of the procedure. Sorry - don't mean to make you scared, but it is true.

    Will dialysis work for your husband? My father was on hemodialysis at home for at least 16 years; I don't know exactly because it started after my brother was born and he's only 9 1/2 months younger than me. Neither one of us remembers a time when our father was not on dialysis until his transplant (anonymous organ donor - probably MVA). Unfortunately, there were complications and just before I turned 19.

    Here are some additional resources.

    <a href="http://www.kidneyurology.org/homepage.htm" target="top">www.kidneyurology.org/homepage.htm</a>

    <a href="http://www.sharenj.org/" target="top">www.sharenj.org/</a>

    The 2nd link is for organ donation network in NJ, but there are links to other related websites.

    Best wishes and good luck to you and your family.

  7. #7
    Ladskater
    Guest

    Re: Is this right?


    SkatingFantasy:

    My heart goes out to you and your husband. I know what a terrible disease you are dealing with. I was married to a type 1 (juvenille) diabetic for twelve years. Eventually, he went blind because he did not take proper care of himself as a teenager. His blood sugar was out of control constantly. Even when I married him he still was not stringent about controlling his diabetes and would crash on me and we would have to rush to the hospital. Several times, I feared losing him. I made him go to the Dr. and I had to learn how to cook for him. It was not an easy road, believe me. He avoided doing damage to his kidneys by becoming stricter about his diet. Losing his vision was horrific.

    My best advice is do whatever you can to help your husband. Don't listen to just one Dr. My ex-husbands speacialist told him that usually the diabetic patient knows more about the disease than the Dr. knows. Do some research yourself. Get in touch with the Diabetic Association in your area. They can give you some advice as well. Remember you are not alone in this battle.

    My thoughts are with you. I hope this helps.

    Ladskater

    PS - You may find this website helpful:

    my.webmd.com/medical_information/condition_centers/diabetes_1_2/default.htm

  8. #8
    SkatingFantasy
    Guest

    Is this right?


    Thank you all so much for your helpful suggestions and prayers.Those websites are really helpful. I think I will give my mother in law the information, it's still going to feel like I betrayed my husband though by doing this but you all are right, I can't deny his own mother from helping her only child try get thru this. The doctors say that he would only need to go on dialysis when his kidneys are functioning at 15% but they're talking like that will probably happen in about 2 to 5 years.
    But what if something happens to my m-i-l as a result of the surgery, if and when it ever comes to that, even though she would have the surgery on her own free will I would still have given her the doctors names . I guess if she really wanted to she would be able to find out the names of his doctors on his own by calling the hospital.

  9. #9
    dlksk8fan
    Guest

    Re: Is this right?


    SkatingFantasy I'm sorry to hear about your husband. When someone you love is ill it is never easy. Somebody mentioned to get as much information as you can and not rely on one doctors opinion. This is good sound advice. The more you know about the illness the better informed you become and the better you are to deal with it. Search and find support groups that deal with kidney disease in your area. If your husbands mother wants to help encourage her and anyone else that might be of help. The more you and your husband know about what goes on in a kidney transplant the better you will be prepared for it.

    Keep a positive attitude and we here at GS will keep positive thoughts and prayers for you.



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