Many, many people like to invoke my name in this contentious debate. They attribute all kinds of wacky sayings and attitudes to me, which annoys the Hell out of me, and is one of the many ways to get on my Smite List. But enough about my Earth-flooding wrath... What do I really think about gay marriage?
Well, being God, I see lots of weird things. Still, I wasn't very comfortable with "alternative lifestyles" in the beginning. Things were just a little too malleable, just a little too fluid, and just a little too complicated. especially since humans had 14 different genders then (having to build 14 separate restrooms for every facility was a pain). But then came the big turning point in my life... I had a kid!
I thought I'd give him the full mortal experience by leaving him with a human family, at least, that's what I told myself. In the blink of an eye—30 years (I have big eyes)—he was all grown up. I checked back on him, expecting him to be a chip off the old block. Instead, I found him larking around Judea with a bunch of guys. I was devastated.
It's just an "alternative lifestyle" until it hits home. Naturally, I blamed myself. I had been a bad father. I should've been there with him more. Oh why didn't I leave him with manly Centurions instead of wimpy furniture makers? I went away to do some serious soul searching in one of my other universes. Finally, I came to terms with it. He is what he is, and as long as he's happy, I'll be happy for him.
I came back expecting to have a happy reunion with my son, only to find that he'd been the victim of a local kangaroo court. This was the real tragedy I could have actually stopped. I let my silly, irrelevant ignorance take me over when I should've been helping my son.
Please don't make the same mistake I did. Accept, embrace and help people, no matter their romantic inclinations, to build families and lives.