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Thread: Fearsome Weapons of Math Instruction

  1. #1
    Wicked Yankee Girl dorispulaski's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
    Staring at the ocean and smiling.

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    Fearsome Weapons of Math Instruction

    I got this in the email and thought it was worth a work. Doris

    Fearsome Cult
    > today, an individual later discovered to be
    > a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in
    > possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, and a calculator.
    > Attorney General John Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the
    > notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of
    > math instruction. Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed. They desire
    > average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent
    > in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with
    > names like "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to as
    > "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are
    > part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
    > As the great Greek philanderer isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to
    > every angle, and if God had wanted us to have better weapons of math
    > instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. Therefore, I'm
    > extremely grateful that our government has given us a sine that it is
    > intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are so willing to
    > disintegrate us with calculus disregard. These statistic bastards love to
    > inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, it's
    > time we differentiated their root, made our point, and drew the line.
    > These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything
    > in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents
    > of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex.
    > As our Great Leader would say, "Read my ellipse". Here is one principle He
    > is uncertain of---though they continue to multiply, their days are
    > numbered and the hypotenuse will tighten around their necks.

  2. #2
    Hogwarts' #1 MK fanatic
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    Nov 2003
    Practicing the Cruciatus Curse on a Marie-Reine Le Gougne doll. . .

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    Thanks for posting the joke. I'll have to send it to my uncle
    (who's a teacher) he'll probably get a kick out of it.


  3. #3
    Bona Fide Member Mathman's Avatar
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    Jun 2003
    Detroit, Michigan

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    "Beware of Mathematicians and all those who make false prophesies. The danger already exists that the Mathematicians have made a covenant with the Devil to darken the spirit and to confine mankind in the bonds of Hell." -- St. Augustine
    A joke? I thought it was real. Actually, the dreaded Al-gebra terrorist cells were founded by the famous Arab mathematician Muhammed bin Musa al-Kwarazmi in the 9th century. Sometimes transliterated "al-Gwarazmi," this great scholar gave his name to the word "Algorithm," the originally meaning of which was, to reason in the manner of al-Gwarazmi.

    Al-Kwarazmi (also called Al Gore) wrote a famous manifesto under the title of "Kitab al-mukhasar fi hisab al-jabr wa'l muqabala" (the book of summary concerning calculation by transposition and reduction).

    The word "algebra" comes from this Arabic word "al-jabr." When you solve an algebra problem, first you do al-jabr, then you do mukhabala.

    Example: Solve this equation: 2x+3 =11.

    Solution courtesy of Al Gore:

    First do al-jabr by "transposing" the 3 to the other side:

    2x = 11 - 3.

    Now do mukhabala ("reducing," or combining like terms):

    2x = 8.

    Now do al-jabr again (that is, take the 2 to the other side by dividing both sides by 2):

    x = 8/2.

    Now do mukhabala one more time by reducing the answer:

    x = 4.


    PS. The word "sine," on the other hand, is from the Sanskrit. It means "bowstring." (In modern usage the sine of an angle is only half of a bowstring. Think of a bow (undrawn) as part of the unit circle.)

  4. #4
    cranky girl guinevere's Avatar
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    Jul 2003

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    I sent this to a bunch of friends, all of whom loved it! Now I'm gonna have to send Mathman's addition!


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