Canadian skater Commits Suicide After Bullying

[jcoates]

The first thing to do is to step in when you see bullying happening. Let the kids know they are not alone. A kind word in passing can go a really long way. Call your local school board and talk to them about taking proactive steps to address bullying and prevent it. That includes training and support for teachers and reaching out to parents to make sure they are helping in this effort. Support initiatives like the Trevor Project and the It Gets Better Project. Support can be as simple as adding your name to a pledge to oppose bullying, to volunteering your time, to making financial contributions. Contact your local officials if you live in an area where cyberbullying laws don't exist or are inadequate. Encourage them to act or at least educate themselves about these issues and the role their rhetoric can play in encouraging or combating this behavior.

These may not seem like they will make the problem go away, but they will start to change the tide.

[skatinginbc]

Blue Dog mentioned that no skater has composed an "It Gets Better" video.
jcoates believed that members of the skating establishment read this forum, so they might take heed of our call for their proactive steps to create positive change. He also stated that support can be as simple as adding one's name to a pledge to oppose bullying.

I'm thinking: Maybe through brainstorming, we may come up with a simple step that every like-minded member of this forum can easily take, and that could lead to a concrete positive change (no matter how small it is) toward anti-bullying. For example (and this is only my inchoate idea, so criticisms or suggestions for amendment are needed and of course welcomed), we can create a thread that appeals to Skate Canada for an "It Gets Better" video. Members that support such initiative can simply respond to the thread and say as much or as little (e.g., nothing) as they want. At the end, the "members of the skating establishment" could easily see the number of supporters.

I know there are many ways to change and many institutions that need a change, but I think if we narrow our focus and call for a simple, specified action, we have a better chance of actually getting a result.

[blue dog]

Not that they hadn't heard about it before, I'm sure, but last night, I posted the article you shared, skatinginbc, on Skate Canada's facebook, asking why there hasn't been a statement from the organization. This morning, I was pleased to find that my post had been deleted (hehehe) and in its place was this:

http://www.skatecanada.ca/tabid/2157...S/Default.aspx

Bullying has no place in life, or in sport, and it is our fervent hope that we would all work towards eliminating this harassing, demeaning behaviour from our society.

In honour of Jamie Hubley, Skate Canada will make a donation to the Youth Services Bureau of Ottawa.

With regards to an "it gets better" video--I have some skaters who, during their spare time, follow my facebook--I've urged them to speak out against bullying of all kinds.

[Olympia]

Good for you, Blue Dog. You took the initiative at a time when it might really make a difference. We couldn't help Jamie, but maybe some other kid will hear something comforting at just the right moment. You never know.

I'm struck by the Tim Gunn recording for "It Gets Better," in which he said he actually attempted to take his life when he was a teenager and by sheer dumb luck didn't succeed. You never know who can be brought to that point, and if anyone can make the difference in one life, it is (as I think the Talmud says) like saving an entire world.

[jcoates]

I tweeted USFSA yesterday asking why they had not made any public statements against bullying. No response yet. Lots of promotional tweets about reaching the 2000 tweet milestone (who cares?), Skate America, synchro skating and fantasy skating. No time apparently to stand up for bullied kids. Glad Skate Canada at least made a statement and a donation. Who's next to step up to the plate?

[Tonichelle]

with it being a Skate Canada skater did you really expect the USFSA to comment? I think a lot of the people in skating just feel that it "comes with teh terrtory." Read older skaters autobiographies... Scott Hamilton was teased until his mother let him play Hockey. Once he got his first injury (a concussion) and his mother pulled him out of the sport the boys let up. Browning also wrote about teasing. Hamilton sounds frustrating in his retelling of it all - Browning seems to shrug it off as par for the course. (I don't have many autobiographies, as you can tell lol)

[blue dog]

Here is a picture of Jamie with his club mates:

http://www.glencairnsc.ca/images/eosic_09.jpg

[Johar]

I remember a girl in high school, who was a freshman when I was a senior. She was bullied for being shockingly homely and for her behavior, which was odd. I always thought she had a bit of mental illness.

One day a friend saw a popular jock body slam her into a wall. Nothing was done

I myself experienced being bullied in my 3rd year of college. I didn't think adults that age bulled others but I was wrong and lived in fear.

[ghislaine]

with it being a Skate Canada skater did you really expect the USFSA to comment? I think a lot of the people in skating just feel that it "comes with teh terrtory."

But that's the whole problem! It shouldn't come with the territory. Someone trying their very best to become a great athlete shouldn't have to be horribly tortured by their bigoted peers. Saying "oh well, it's a bad thing, but it happens" doesn't fix anything. It lays the blame of suicide on the victim for not being strong enough rather than on the tormentors for assault and harassment. The problem is not just limited to Canada. It is probably impossible for USFSA or Skate Canada as an organization to start an aggressive anti-bullying campaign, but just saying "Bullying and homophobia is unnacceptable in the skating community worldwide, so Jamie is in our hearts" would show that they're not just sweeping what seems to be a very real facet of the sport under the rug.

I know Jeremy Abbott said in his online NBC Olympics biography that he was bullied for skating, to the point where he wanted to quit.

blue dog, thank you for taking the initiative, and thank you for asking the skaters you know to make a statement. Skate Canada's response is encouraging.

I have had very, very bad experiences with homophobic bullying. I know how awful it is to feel that everyone hates you for something that is part of you. I will pray for Jamie. I hope his bullies are brought to justice. I hope he finds peace at last.

[jcoates]

Toni I understand (but don't agree with) your point about USFSA not responding to this specific tragedy, but that is no excuse for their absence from this conversation over the last year or longer. To my knowledge since this came to national and international attention, most of the kids who have been in the news for committing suicide have not been deeply involved in any particular sports. Yet, as I mentioned in a previous post, most MLB teams have made It Gets Better videos. A number of NFL , NBA and NHL players have also participated. These sports figures and leagues have likely been prompted in part because of the past and current role sports have played in homophobic and other bullying. Skating is just as guilty as football or baseball for this with its long history of wink an nod judging to hold down gay skaters who aren't butch enough.

Other athletes who are doing something about this issue are Hudson Taylor and Ben Cohen. Both have started foundations to create dialogue and support, specifically to encourage kids to stand up and defend their peers from bullying. Heck, Ben Cohen retired from professional rugby in order to launch his anti-bullying foundation. He's literally putting his money where his mouth is. He is not gay and has not been openly bullied himself. On the surface, he has no real reason to have done this. He did it simply because he has fans who support him who happen to be gay. He recognized that bullying is a problem for them and many other groups. So he stepped up and decided to do something about it. You don't have to be constituent member of a group other than humanity to have a deep level of concern about this.

As for skaters or anyone else viewing bullying as simply coming with the territory, frankly that's part of the problem. It's apathy and acceptance of the status quo, which in my mind is actually worse than the actual bullying. You can't ignore these kind of problems and hope they will go away. Not every young skater has the level of talent the Hamilton or Browning have to reach such a level of success that their bullies are silenced.

Skating would have no audience to speak of if it did not have gay men and housewives providing loyal support. I know it's often something establishment figures in skating find somewhat embarrassing, but it's a fact nonetheless. Given all the support they get from gay fans, and active gay participants in the sport as competitors, coaches, choreographers, judges and volunteers there is more than enough incentive and direct personal connection to have done something up to this point. Even if this had zero gay fans or participation, speaking up would still be warranted simply because it's the right thing to do. All I'm asking for is the most minimal level of support or acknowledgment. A link on their website, a tweet, a video. None of those things are expensive or time consuming. If there is concern among the organization or skaters about offending someone, then they should get over it. We can't afford to lose these kids. Their lives are too precious.

[FlattFan]

One day a friend saw a popular jock body slam her into a wall. Nothing was done

I hope this jock is not a guy. What kind of guys body-slam a girl?

[jcoates]

A question has been posted by another fan on the USFSA's facebook page. I just supported it. Will they respond?

[Tonichelle]

I hope this jock is not a guy. What kind of guys body-slam a girl?

the same kind that bullies in general.

I'm not saying I agree with the silence of the USFSA - all I'm saying is, it's understandable from a PR standpoint (I blame my university studies for the viewpoint lol). And really what bully is going to listen to a sport that is already bullied by other sports. The hockey jock that teases the poor little figure skater isn't going to listen to Brian Boitano do a PSA against bullying... they *might* listen if it's Wayne Gretsky. So, again, I see why USFSA and other federations aren't jumping in - they're the bullied and very rarely to the bullied parties speak up. Again - not agreeing with the decision, but I can see it from a PR standpoint being worrisome... they're damned if they do or don't.

[blue dog]

A question has been posted by another fan on the USFSA's facebook page. I just supported it. Will they respond?

Slightly OT, but that post was posted by an ice dancer who competes in the Pacific Coast.

With regards to bullying, it doesn't just rob the victim, the bullies themselves, or their families. Society as a whole suffers. We will never know how far Jamie would have gone in life. He could have been the next Scott Moir--you never know. He could've been great in any area of life, just like the other children who committed suicide due to bullying.

Also, children who survive bullying aren't unscathed. Many of us will have walls around our hearts forever. I consider myself a friendly guy--but do I find it hard to trust people? You bet! I find it hard to trust big groups initially, not only because I fear (returning to those moments in seventh grade) I won't be accepted, but that the whole group will bully me.

If only life can be like a message board (haha), where when we see instances of online bullying, we can come to people, and those bullies are given warnings before they are asked to leave. However, life doesn't have mechanisms, like mods, in place, to take care of it. We must all stand together (which, judging on the responses here, we do) to stop bullying of any kind.

[gkelly]

What can skating federations do about bullying that happens in schools or other non-skating locations by people who have no connection with the federations?

I don't think they're in any position to get a message out to the perpetrators. Maybe some of the established skating stars could do something to make a public statement, but that would be on their own initiative as individuals -- the federations can't make them do it.

What federations might be able to do is to offer support within the skating community for skaters who feel ostracized in their outside communities, including those who feel the ostracism is based on the fact that they are skaters.

So what would be some specific suggestions for how to offer that support?

The first thing I can think of would be a virtual support group for teen skaters to discuss issues and pressures that they face as teenagers and as skaters.

Possibly a subgroup specifically for boys or one specifically for gay kids and others dealing with issues of sexuality and gender identity.

I think it would need to be set up in such a way that the skaters who participate in the discussions would remain anonymous and there should probably be some adult moderators who make sure that the participants don't give enough personal details that would allow other members or outsiders to determine their real identities . . . specifically because there are some people out there who would use that information against the very kids the group would be designed to support.

From what little I know of her, someone like Patti Weir might be a good adult resource. I have no idea if she'd be interested in that kind of thing.

Maybe a fan with a counseling background and no direct connection to the competitive skating world would be in a better position to maintain neutrality.