Canadian skater Commits Suicide After Bullying

with it being a Skate Canada skater did you really expect the USFSA to comment? I think a lot of the people in skating just feel that it "comes with teh terrtory." Read older skaters autobiographies... Scott Hamilton was teased until his mother let him play Hockey. Once he got his first injury (a concussion) and his mother pulled him out of the sport the boys let up. Browning also wrote about teasing. Hamilton sounds frustrating in his retelling of it all - Browning seems to shrug it off as par for the course. (I don't have many autobiographies, as you can tell lol)

Here is a picture of Jamie with his club mates:

http://www.glencairnsc.ca/images/eosic_09.jpg

I remember a girl in high school, who was a freshman when I was a senior. She was bullied for being shockingly homely and for her behavior, which was odd. I always thought she had a bit of mental illness.

One day a friend saw a popular jock body slam her into a wall. Nothing was done

I myself experienced being bullied in my 3rd year of college. I didn't think adults that age bulled others but I was wrong and lived in fear.

Tonichelle said:

with it being a Skate Canada skater did you really expect the USFSA to comment? I think a lot of the people in skating just feel that it "comes with teh terrtory."

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But that's the whole problem! It shouldn't come with the territory. Someone trying their very best to become a great athlete shouldn't have to be horribly tortured by their bigoted peers. Saying "oh well, it's a bad thing, but it happens" doesn't fix anything. It lays the blame of suicide on the victim for not being strong enough rather than on the tormentors for assault and harassment. The problem is not just limited to Canada. It is probably impossible for USFSA or Skate Canada as an organization to start an aggressive anti-bullying campaign, but just saying "Bullying and homophobia is unnacceptable in the skating community worldwide, so Jamie is in our hearts" would show that they're not just sweeping what seems to be a very real facet of the sport under the rug.

I know Jeremy Abbott said in his online NBC Olympics biography that he was bullied for skating, to the point where he wanted to quit.

blue dog, thank you for taking the initiative, and thank you for asking the skaters you know to make a statement. Skate Canada's response is encouraging.

I have had very, very bad experiences with homophobic bullying. I know how awful it is to feel that everyone hates you for something that is part of you. I will pray for Jamie. I hope his bullies are brought to justice. I hope he finds peace at last.

Toni I understand (but don't agree with) your point about USFSA not responding to this specific tragedy, but that is no excuse for their absence from this conversation over the last year or longer. To my knowledge since this came to national and international attention, most of the kids who have been in the news for committing suicide have not been deeply involved in any particular sports. Yet, as I mentioned in a previous post, most MLB teams have made It Gets Better videos. A number of NFL , NBA and NHL players have also participated. These sports figures and leagues have likely been prompted in part because of the past and current role sports have played in homophobic and other bullying. Skating is just as guilty as football or baseball for this with its long history of wink an nod judging to hold down gay skaters who aren't butch enough.

Other athletes who are doing something about this issue are Hudson Taylor and Ben Cohen. Both have started foundations to create dialogue and support, specifically to encourage kids to stand up and defend their peers from bullying. Heck, Ben Cohen retired from professional rugby in order to launch his anti-bullying foundation. He's literally putting his money where his mouth is. He is not gay and has not been openly bullied himself. On the surface, he has no real reason to have done this. He did it simply because he has fans who support him who happen to be gay. He recognized that bullying is a problem for them and many other groups. So he stepped up and decided to do something about it. You don't have to be constituent member of a group other than humanity to have a deep level of concern about this.

As for skaters or anyone else viewing bullying as simply coming with the territory, frankly that's part of the problem. It's apathy and acceptance of the status quo, which in my mind is actually worse than the actual bullying. You can't ignore these kind of problems and hope they will go away. Not every young skater has the level of talent the Hamilton or Browning have to reach such a level of success that their bullies are silenced.

Skating would have no audience to speak of if it did not have gay men and housewives providing loyal support. I know it's often something establishment figures in skating find somewhat embarrassing, but it's a fact nonetheless. Given all the support they get from gay fans, and active gay participants in the sport as competitors, coaches, choreographers, judges and volunteers there is more than enough incentive and direct personal connection to have done something up to this point. Even if this had zero gay fans or participation, speaking up would still be warranted simply because it's the right thing to do. All I'm asking for is the most minimal level of support or acknowledgment. A link on their website, a tweet, a video. None of those things are expensive or time consuming. If there is concern among the organization or skaters about offending someone, then they should get over it. We can't afford to lose these kids. Their lives are too precious.

Johar said:

One day a friend saw a popular jock body slam her into a wall. Nothing was done

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I hope this jock is not a guy. What kind of guys body-slam a girl? :disapp:

A question has been posted by another fan on the USFSA's facebook page. I just supported it. Will they respond?

FlattFan said:

I hope this jock is not a guy. What kind of guys body-slam a girl? :disapp:

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the same kind that bullies in general.

I'm not saying I agree with the silence of the USFSA - all I'm saying is, it's understandable from a PR standpoint (I blame my university studies for the viewpoint lol). And really what bully is going to listen to a sport that is already bullied by other sports. The hockey jock that teases the poor little figure skater isn't going to listen to Brian Boitano do a PSA against bullying... they *might* listen if it's Wayne Gretsky. So, again, I see why USFSA and other federations aren't jumping in - they're the bullied and very rarely to the bullied parties speak up. Again - not agreeing with the decision, but I can see it from a PR standpoint being worrisome... they're damned if they do or don't.

jcoates said:

A question has been posted by another fan on the USFSA's facebook page. I just supported it. Will they respond?

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Slightly OT, but that post was posted by an ice dancer who competes in the Pacific Coast.

With regards to bullying, it doesn't just rob the victim, the bullies themselves, or their families. Society as a whole suffers. We will never know how far Jamie would have gone in life. He could have been the next Scott Moir--you never know. He could've been great in any area of life, just like the other children who committed suicide due to bullying.

Also, children who survive bullying aren't unscathed. Many of us will have walls around our hearts forever. I consider myself a friendly guy--but do I find it hard to trust people? You bet! I find it hard to trust big groups initially, not only because I fear (returning to those moments in seventh grade) I won't be accepted, but that the whole group will bully me.

If only life can be like a message board (haha), where when we see instances of online bullying, we can come to people, and those bullies are given warnings before they are asked to leave. However, life doesn't have mechanisms, like mods, in place, to take care of it. We must all stand together (which, judging on the responses here, we do) to stop bullying of any kind.

What can skating federations do about bullying that happens in schools or other non-skating locations by people who have no connection with the federations?

I don't think they're in any position to get a message out to the perpetrators. Maybe some of the established skating stars could do something to make a public statement, but that would be on their own initiative as individuals -- the federations can't make them do it.

What federations might be able to do is to offer support within the skating community for skaters who feel ostracized in their outside communities, including those who feel the ostracism is based on the fact that they are skaters.

So what would be some specific suggestions for how to offer that support?

The first thing I can think of would be a virtual support group for teen skaters to discuss issues and pressures that they face as teenagers and as skaters.

Possibly a subgroup specifically for boys or one specifically for gay kids and others dealing with issues of sexuality and gender identity.

I think it would need to be set up in such a way that the skaters who participate in the discussions would remain anonymous and there should probably be some adult moderators who make sure that the participants don't give enough personal details that would allow other members or outsiders to determine their real identities . . . specifically because there are some people out there who would use that information against the very kids the group would be designed to support.

From what little I know of her, someone like Patti Weir might be a good adult resource. I have no idea if she'd be interested in that kind of thing.

Maybe a fan with a counseling background and no direct connection to the competitive skating world would be in a better position to maintain neutrality.

Tonichelle- what the USFSA could do is organize a Gay-Straight Alliance group. They could become a model for other Sports Federations. Because- guess what? Skating does have Gay skaters. And Straight skaters. And Questioning skaters. The USFSA needs to support all thier skaters. Rather than just not talking about it, or pretending it's not there, the USFSA needs to lead. It's a unique opportunity. It could become POSITIVE PR- not negative.

Let's be clear- the bullying we are discussing is against Gay kids, or kids that are percieved to be Gay. It's a never ending type abuse that is accepted as OK because the kids may be Gay. Gay-Straight Alliances in schools provide a show of support for all students. This is not just a Gay issue. It's an issue for all students, parents, and people from all walks of life.

gkelly said:

What can skating federations do about bullying that happens in schools or other non-skating locations by people who have no connection with the federations?

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There is nothing we can do to change the whole world in one day, but if we take a small step at a time, eventually we will make a big difference. In Social Psychology, there is a "foot-in-the-door" phenomenon that concerns attitudinal changes--a small step leads to a big change in attitude.
How can an "It Gets Better" video do to help anti-bulling? To say the least, it may change the attitude of the participants or institutions that involve in its production. Gay kids can be bullied everywhere, from schools to play grounds, by fists or smirks. There is no way that we can eliminate bullying from all places. Our first step, in my opinion, is to provide them with at least one place that they enjoy, that they can make friends, and that they feel safe. I hope the skating community can be that place. The production of an "It Gets Better" video from influential skaters can serve as a gesture of reassurance.

Skatinginbc is right. It doesn't matter where the bullying is happening because it can happen anywhere and does. What really matters is our collective response to it. Throwing our hands up and saying this is not our problem actually provides indirect support to the bullies. It gives them cover to keep going. Any small gesture of kindness, expression support or declaration of strength can have a very large impact in the lives of these young people. I was in college and struggling with coming out when Rudi Galindo won nationals. I was under a lot of pressure in school and life was difficult for my family (sick mother and grandmother) back home. I felt that coming out to them would be a disappointment (I'm the only child) and a burden. Seeing him overcome so many losses and struggles and the way the San Jose crowd embraced him really inspired me to take control of my life. To say I would not let whatever struggles I was facing get me down. Life wasn't a bed of roses for me after that, but I did make the best of my college experience and came away with lifelong friendships, a stronger bond with my family and more self-confidence.

I disagree with those who say this focus on bullying is only or primarily about gay kids. Yes, I'm gay and I want those kids protected, but there are plenty of other kids out there who are also suffering just because they are different. A lot of bullying is committed by girls against other girls for all sorts of stupid reasons: appearance, weight, social circles, jealousy. It can and often is just as harsh as any bullying committed by boys. Given the strong connection skaters have with their fans and the fact that the vast majority of them are girls, speaking out on the wrongness of bullying can possibly discourage some of it. A little girl who sees her idol (Kwan, Meryl, Joannie, Tessa, etc.) making a public stand could inspire them to act differently or to support an outcast in their own community. Children learn by example and if there isn't one set, then their behaviors will go unchanged.

Very sad to hear about the skater.

I'm too tired to write out my full thoughts and experiences on the subject of bullying...but I just wanted to add that it's not just the absence of bullying, but active acceptance and inclusion that make the real difference, in my opinion.

prettykeys said:

Very sad to hear about the skater.

I'm too tired to write out my full thoughts and experiences on the subject of bullying...but I just wanted to add that it's not just the absence of bullying, but active acceptance and inclusion that make the real difference, in my opinion.

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Agreed.

Thank you for your contribution JEve3. Welcome to the forum.

I am far from a famous skater (just an adult skater trying to pass my tests and get to nationals) but I'm going to make a video. No matter who you are, you are not alone.

blue dog said:

I am far from a famous skater (just an adult skater trying to pass my tests and get to nationals) but I'm going to make a video. No matter who you are, you are not alone.

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Then you'd better hurry up if you want to be the first skater ever that makes such a video. I have a hunch or dream that our Canadian role model Jeffrey Buttle is considering making one.

skatinginbc said:

Then you'd better hurry up if you want to be the first skater ever that makes such a video. I have a hunch or dream that our Canadian role model Jeffrey Buttle is considering making one.

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I'd love for Jeff or any elite skater to do it first. But if they don't ...I'll do it!

blue dog said:

I'd love for...any elite skater to do it first. But if they don't ...I'll do it!

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You are my hero.