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Thread: The BFF is engaged

  1. #1
    and... World Peace! Tonichelle's Avatar
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    The BFF is engaged

    Not going to get into the emotional roller coaster I've been on since she got engaged yesterday... I'm not ready to go into that with anyone lol

    But she's already picking out bridesmaids dresses... all of her bridesmaids are... um... not model size. We're more like Pooh size. But she keeps picking dresses that only look good on size 0. She keeps saying she wants something *cute* for all of us to wear. I get that, and I appreciate that - it's not like I want a potato sack - I just want something that's going to be flattering to the bodysize.

    She does this to herself, too, so I'm not surprised. I'm also glad she sees me as a skinny little thing, but I really don't want to have photographic evidence of buldges LOL

    One of the other bridesmaids (matron of honor, I'm maid of honor) is taking control of the situation by berating me and the other bridesmaid because we dared to ask for something a little more comfortable. Mind you of the three of us, the one calling the shots is largest. She says it's the BFF's day, not ours. Am I wrong? I just have a hard time paying for a dress to wear that I know I'm going to look horrible in (and I will be losing weight in the 11 months before her big day, but still).

    Thankfully this isn't something that I have to really worry about at this point. But I just want to know if I'm completely out of line - especially since she asked for honest opinions/ideas.

  2. #2
    Gotta Have Music iluvtodd's Avatar
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    I don't think you're out of line to express your opinion on the dress style, Toni. Congrats to your BFF on her engagement, but I hope she doesn't act like a "Bridezilla" through this engagement period. I do think the attendants should be able to give some input. Couldn't your friend just choose a color, and let everyone chose a dress in that color, but one that would be flattering to each?

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    Quote Originally Posted by iluvtodd View Post
    I don't think you're out of line to express your opinion on the dress style, Toni. Congrats to your BFF on her engagement, but I hope she doesn't act like a "Bridezilla" through this engagement period. I do think the attendants should be able to give some input. Couldn't your friend just choose a color, and let everyone chose a dress in that color, but one that would be flattering to each?
    I think you're allowed to at least open your mouth, Toni! After all, she's not buying your dress. But there might be a time when you'll have to just give up the objections and be a philosopher about the matter. I love Iluvtodd's idea of choosing a color and letting each bridesmaid choose the most flattering dress for herself. Bridal parties who do that look especially lovely in photos, like variations on a theme. Maybe there's a way to suggest that? Otherwise, just do what you're doing: lose weight, and chalk the day up to friendship. I'm sure you'll look better than you envision, and a smile is one of the best cosmetics there is.

    I hear you completely, though. I've never been comfortable in things like strapless dresses. Fortunately, the one time when I had to be the bridesmaid, my friend just wore an afternoon dress, and she told me to shop for something knee-length "that goes with white." Easy task! But not everyone is that low key.

  4. #4
    and... World Peace! Tonichelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iluvtodd View Post
    I don't think you're out of line to express your opinion on the dress style, Toni. Congrats to your BFF on her engagement, but I hope she doesn't act like a "Bridezilla" through this engagement period. I do think the attendants should be able to give some input. Couldn't your friend just choose a color, and let everyone chose a dress in that color, but one that would be flattering to each?
    No, she doesn't get to be bridezilla, the Matron of Honor has that honor. Apparently she wasn't mean enough at her wedding so she's taking over Erin's wedding as well... and Erin JUST got engaged on, what, Wednesday? Thursday? Erin told her that I was going to be doing a list of things and that got unapproved in a hurry. At this point I'm just going to show up, do the duty, and then probably be done with it.

    I'm planning their honeymoon, though, because they're going to Disney and Erin wants it to go just as smoothly as when we go... which is also not approved by the matron, but at least - for now - Erin hasn't backed down.

    I am soooooo not looking forward to this at all lol

  5. #5
    The Zamboni Rocks!!! sillylionlove's Avatar
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    When i got married I picked the color of the dress. My matron of honor picked the dress an I had the final day. My bridesmaids were all different sizes and my matron if honor was respectful of that and the dress looked great on everyone.

  6. #6
    Gotta Have Music iluvtodd's Avatar
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    Our maid of honor had a dress that she had worn as a bridesmaid in another wedding. She asked us if it was OK to wear it to ours. The color was fine, and I'm glad she was able to wear it again. The other bridesmaids were all built differently and were mostly from out of town. My mom got her dress first. We sent each attendant a swatch of the material, and they took it from there. All was well (and they all got dresses that hopefully they were able to wear again)! For the guys, no problems with the tuxes and matching shirts.

    Toni, I the idea that you will get to plan the honeymoon, since you're such a Disney expert! Good luck in your dealings with the Matron of Honor!!!!
    Last edited by iluvtodd; 05-13-2012 at 07:18 AM.

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    Agreed about the honeymoon. If I ever go to Disneyland, I'm consulting you, Toni.

    (By the way, I had to watch Pollyanna for some story research I was doing. It holds up! What a brilliant treatment of the original book. And Disney made one of the most inspired casting discoveries of his career in Hayley Mills. Can you imagine how syrupy that story could have been with the wrong actress? I'm also really impressed with director/screenwriter David Swift.)

    Back to brides (and hopefully not bridezillas). I love the idea of sending the swatch of material to the bridesmaids and having them use it to plan their own dresses.

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    and... World Peace! Tonichelle's Avatar
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    I know the dress is going to be Apple Red... and we all have David's Bridal stores in our areas, so she's going that route... she's actually ticked her matron of honor off at the moment because she's decided on a different dress now due to my and a bridesmaid's concern about the original style... it's been a headache so far. But Erin picked her attendants, so now she has to live with it I guess lol

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    Apple red? That's actually a color that flatters most people, if I'm visualizing it correctly. I'm glad you were able to speak up about the style. Your BFF seems to be listening. Maybe you'll end up with some lovely photos instead of what you've been worrying about. I'll keep fingers crossed.

  10. #10
    and... World Peace! Tonichelle's Avatar
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    yes Apple Red looks great on everyone, even my mom who red is not good on looked great last year when her sister got married and she had to wear an apple red bridesmaids dress...

    we'll see how this goes... the bridesmaidzilla can be pretty demanding...

  11. #11
    Gotta Have Music iluvtodd's Avatar
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    Yay for apple red! Kudos to Erin for standing up to the bridesmaidzilla (hope she continues to do that)!

  12. #12
    leave no stone unturned seniorita's Avatar
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    Toni if you are going to wear something cute like this , I want lots of pictures!

    Other than that congradulations on being Made of honor, I have been to my best friend too and it is a great experience, fortunately we dont have the bridesmaid dress custom here, we wear our dresses!

  13. #13
    Custom Title heyang's Avatar
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    I've been in multiple weddings and everyone has been different shapes and sizes.

    Most brides do want their attendants to be comfortable wearing their dresses (to avoid guilt about the cost and just because your friends) and they also want you to look nice in their pictures.

    When my cousin Mike got married, he and his wife asked me to be part of the wedding because I had spent so much time with them. I probably the most difficult to fit, but I didn't care as long as the color worked. Originally, the bride wanted pale yellow for an August wedding - she liked deep purple too, but the groom's brother had that color and she wanted to be distinct from the other family weddings. The Maid of Honor was a pain in the butt - she lobbied to be MOH and then was pretty clueless about what to do. The bride's brother and I actually planned the night out of the wedding party - all she had to do was pick the restaurant (she did, but she didn't request anything special for them) and bring the champagne (which forgot.) Anyway, she just whined about how yellow wouldn't look good on all of the bridesmaids (which was valid - none of us look good in pale yellow - really doesn't go well with Asian skin tones.) I put it in more practical terms - pictures were to be outdoors and I pointed out that the pale yellow would look washed out in the bright summer sun, especially in comparison to the lush color of grass and flowers. The salesperson at the bridal shop backed me up, too. So the bride let us pick the color and dress - we also chose a beautiful red in a style that was easy to wear for all of us and it looked great in the pictures. the MOH was still mopey about it because it was a bit heavy for summer wear...

    BTW, said MOH also got sloppily drunk during the wedding reception. To this day, she's still doesn't feel comfortable in front of our family because of how drunk she got and how we had to drive her home so her parents could make sure she was ok through the night.

    Congrats to your BFF Toni! ...and good luck dealing with the other bridesmaids when planning the bridal shower, etc.

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    Heyang, you're brilliant! You figured out a way to make the bride want to change the color without being confrontational about it. I agree, and it isn't just Asians whose skin tones aren't flattered by pale yellow. Sallow white people (naming no names, but the screen name starts with O) look clinically unwell in pale yellow. In fact, I'm not sure there's anyone who looks sparklingly good in it as a total color rather than as an accent. How great that you ended up with red. Not so great that you ended up cleaning up after the Maid of Honor, but at least you were able to compensate.

  15. #15
    Custom Title skateluvr's Avatar
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    MK is dark enough to wear pale yellow-not sure she ever did but she wore every color just about, but she is darker than say, mao or yuna, or maybe heyang. any links with mk rocking pale yellow? as a sallow white lady, i'd look quite ill in pale yellow. i love pink or pale blue for summer-full range of pastels for summer...mao periwinkle would flatter any asian girl, yes?

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