The sub-par performances of pair teams at the recent U.S. nationals means that our skaters will be needing a few good excuses to boost their morale. Just in case they need a little help, I’m offering my own list -- pair skaters’ TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR SCREWING UP AT THE NATIONALS:
 Distraught over Britney Spears annulment.
 Airport security confiscated the 130 lbs. of sequins we planned to sew onto our costumes. We just felt naked without them.
 All the talk about the 10th anniversary of TONYA & NANCY made us nervous.
 The ice was too cold.
 The dog ate our boot laces.
 Visited local tourist trap, Underground Atlanta. Got lost in maze-like tunnels. Wandered for days without water. Lost practice time. Got dehydrated.
 My bra strap broke.
 My jockstrap broke.
 Had to break up fist fight between Dick Button and Peggy Fleming. Sustained multiple injuries which affected our performance.
 We didn't want to peak too early.[/list=1]