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Thread: Urgent prayer

  1. #31
    The Zamboni Rocks!!! sillylionlove's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom last year so I know how hard that can be.

  2. #32
    Custom Title skateluvr's Avatar
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    Thank you sillylionlove. That is one great screen name. I have to get thru monday. having one's mother die holy week, and having her executor in hawaii makes for a long hellish wait for the worst day of your life. M mother was my family, despite the bad, I turned to her every day the last two years, and can't help but feel my constant problems hastened her brain stem obliteration. I have gotten solace from many new to me skates and old ones I seldom watch, like janet Lynn. Rudy galindo is inspirational too. I hope those who have lost the person they love most feel safe in reaching out here in cafe.

    We are human beings first, skate fans somewhere down the list. The consolation skate thread has gems. this and spiritdaily with many pope francis threads have been a diversion. besides FSU, I don't know many skating sites and forums. I have noticed that most Goordeeva/gronkov skates disappeared. I could not watch vocalise. It was just too painful. All of us of a certain age still remeber Sergei. I think Katia has firmly closed the door long ago, but Sergei's face still touches me so. I'm a kulik fan, but I think there was something very special and kindly, and humble about Sergei. I don't watch too many skates.

    I am being ostracized because I am ill, like 28 years. I am afraid. I am good, kind, and have saved and changed lives. I don't understand this life, my life, the world, the good God. It should get clearer as you grow old, but it does not. Tomorrow is Easter and I have doubts. Mother Theresa doubted for 50 years. Benedict found God 'asleep." I wish everyone a good Easter, and especially anyone here who is alone. I have cleaned out my box. I can suffer and have everything if God would just give me one person to help carry my cross. I need unshakeable faith, but it is weak. And so many articles say the resurrection is a story. To be a Christian is so difficult. Maybe in religion/politics folder, some of the very bright folks here who have lived most of their life will weigh in about their thoughts.

    GS has so many bright uber educated people. This Easter I find it hard to be grateful. Many of you have shared your loss with me. If it seems more appropriate in pm, I'd like to know how to let go when every thing reminds you of this person you can't talk to anymore. If I had children, my own family, this would be bearable, but i don't and it isn't. Any suggestions gratefully accepted. Happy Easter to those who celebrate. Skateluvr.

  3. #33
    Custom Title CoyoteChris's Avatar
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    When I am in my darkest moments....when I am in great back pain and my knees wont work for instance.....my best friend, who is a current state trooper and a person I met when I worked for the patrol and who is very strong mentally, looks me in the eye and says, "You WILL get through this." He has said it to me a number of times and he has always been right....I know it is hard to think there is a future...and it is ok to cry, to grieve, to scream into one's pillow, and if necessary, take seditives....I remember the day Sergei died....while I hurt, I cant imagine what K. felt. But she got through it. I wish strength for you to get through this loss too....

  4. #34
    Gotta Have Music iluvtodd's Avatar
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    Chris, you couldn't have stated this more sensitively than you did.

  5. #35
    Custom Title skateluvr's Avatar
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    My mother was buried Monday and I feel so lost, exhausted and confused. I have lost my faith pretty much based on my family. I can't take care of a house alone. I loved my mom deeply as I'm very caring, but even now she left a mess. no letter, my jewelry to her gone missing, no box with original will and my callous bro back in hawaii. they ruined the day, can't say here how. I'm just online reading and watching skating vids. I had help today, her house was left dirty and so much more. If God loved me, someone in 7 billion would have come years ago. I am watching you tube videos but am very afraid there is no real afterlife. I know of all the Catholic and other apparitions. If God does not help you personally then his existence mattrs not. I am broken, and want to go wherever God is. Mother Mary is so important to me-but I'm clearly a nobody nothing and not worthy of miracles, a vision of my parents. I'm not wanted. And I feel like an orphan. My life was with my parents for so long as a disabled adult. No one reaches out, it is all my worst fears. I don't have a reason anymore. Thank you for prayers, thoughtful videos. I watched them all. Now what do I fight on for? I am online in bed and push myself to get up. I don't think I am really getting that she is dead. It terrified me for so long. It does not seem real. Forgive me for sharing. I watched Oksana videos til late last night. She really had a beautiful skating style. Jumps or not, she was different than most, even todays skaters are rarely that elegant. I think I saw many vids I never saw in the 90's. How I wish for those old competitions.

  6. #36
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    To skateluvr:
    Here I am sending my love and deepest sympathy to you.

    I, as someone who lost own mother more than ten years ago but still feels pains in heart on a day like this Sunday, can imagine how you would be feeling right now. This weekend must be so hard for you. During last year's off season I talked with Olympia and other GS members who did lose a parent/parents that how hard it is for anyone to bear own sorrow on such days like Mother's/Father's Day, Thanksgivind Day or Christmas season when people normally use as family reunion...especially the first year is the hardest one being wihtout this very loved ones... For me back then, it was like I completely lost in the darkness alone, or felt as if I were in the another planet myself, and watching all TV/magazines full of carnations/flowers, a smiling mother & daughter ads...

    (((skateluvr))) May your good memories with your mother be a source of comfort.

    from deedee, sincerely hoping my clumsy grammar and picking up wrong/inappropriate English words do not hurt you...

  7. #37
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    Yes, Mothers Day is especially difficult for all of us whose mothers aren't with us. Look for ways to find comfort, and think back to the happiest memories. I'm recalling all the times we laughed together, and which flowers she loved. Lilacs were a special favorite.

    To skateluvr and the rest of you, stay strong.

  8. #38
    Custom Title skateluvr's Avatar
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    ty mucho things are really overwhelming/

  9. #39
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    I just saw this thread. I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss.

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