Some George Carlin for a few chuckles | Golden Skate

Some George Carlin for a few chuckles

Joined
Jul 11, 2003
> Humor for rainy days and Mondays
>
> Subject: George Carlin Strikes Again!
>
> 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a
> piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try
> spelling
> Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant
> like
> making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
>
> 3. OK... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known
> as the
> "Jags," and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as
> the "Bucs," What does that make the Tennessee
> Titans?
>
> 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from
> diarrhea...does that
> mean that one enjoys it?
>
> 5. There are three religious truths: a) Jews do
> not
> recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b) Protestants do
> not
> recognize the Pope as the leader of The Christian
> faith.
> c) Baptists do not recognize each other in the
> liquor
> store or at Hooters.
>
> 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
> aren't
> people from Holland called Holes?
>
> 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
> enjoy
> adultery?
>
> 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
> Aren't
> they just stale bread to begin with?
>
> 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
> pianist,
> but a person who drives a race car, not called a
> racist?
>
> 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
>
> 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
> defrocked,
> doesn't it follow that electricians can be
> delighted,
> musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
> deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
> depressed?
>
> 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
> it
> Fed UP?
>
> 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
> 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's
> licenses
> of bald men?
>
> 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
> Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it
> dawned
> on me...they're cramming for their final exam.
>
> 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies
> with
> tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what
> do
> Chinese mothers use?
> Toothpicks?
>
> 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
> Post
> Office? What are we supposed to do, write to
> them?
> Why don't they just put their pictures on the
> postage
> stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
> deliver the mail?
>
> 19. If it's true that we are here to help others,
> then what
> exactly are the others here for?
>
> 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn
> to drive.
>
> 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
> if
> it didn't zig-zag?
>
> 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her
> nose?
>
> 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
>
>
>
>
>
>
 

RealtorGal

Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 27, 2003
There are quite a few funny posts lately--but I think this one was by far the funniest! Thanks for the chuckle! I'll forward it to all my friends! :laugh: :laugh: :D :laugh: :laugh: :D
 

Ladskater

~ Figure Skating Is My Passion ~
Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 28, 2003
Love George Carlin! Remeber "the hippy dippy weather man?" Good stuff.

:D
 

Grgranny

Da' Spellin' Homegirl
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
I copied it to give to a man in my Sun school class. He doesn't have a very good outlook with his health right now and needs some good laughs. You have to realize, I'm quite a bit younger than my classmates. :laugh: Really. Most of them are at least in their 80's and some 90's.
 

show 42

Arm Chair Skate Fan
Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
These were great.............thanks for the chuckles......:laugh: 42
 
Joined
Jul 11, 2003
Granny - If and when I go to hospital I take tapes of Benny Hill. I am a believer that humor is essential to get one well.

Joe
 

Pati

On the Ice
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
You are so right Joe, and I'll bet there's medical facts to back that up too. :)
 
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