- Joined
- Jul 11, 2003
> Humor for rainy days and Mondays
>
> Subject: George Carlin Strikes Again!
>
> 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a
> piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try
> spelling
> Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant
> like
> making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
>
> 3. OK... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known
> as the
> "Jags," and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as
> the "Bucs," What does that make the Tennessee
> Titans?
>
> 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from
> diarrhea...does that
> mean that one enjoys it?
>
> 5. There are three religious truths: a) Jews do
> not
> recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b) Protestants do
> not
> recognize the Pope as the leader of The Christian
> faith.
> c) Baptists do not recognize each other in the
> liquor
> store or at Hooters.
>
> 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
> aren't
> people from Holland called Holes?
>
> 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
> enjoy
> adultery?
>
> 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
> Aren't
> they just stale bread to begin with?
>
> 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
> pianist,
> but a person who drives a race car, not called a
> racist?
>
> 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
>
> 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
> defrocked,
> doesn't it follow that electricians can be
> delighted,
> musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
> deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
> depressed?
>
> 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
> it
> Fed UP?
>
> 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
> 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's
> licenses
> of bald men?
>
> 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
> Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it
> dawned
> on me...they're cramming for their final exam.
>
> 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies
> with
> tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what
> do
> Chinese mothers use?
> Toothpicks?
>
> 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
> Post
> Office? What are we supposed to do, write to
> them?
> Why don't they just put their pictures on the
> postage
> stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
> deliver the mail?
>
> 19. If it's true that we are here to help others,
> then what
> exactly are the others here for?
>
> 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn
> to drive.
>
> 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
> if
> it didn't zig-zag?
>
> 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her
> nose?
>
> 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Subject: George Carlin Strikes Again!
>
> 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a
> piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try
> spelling
> Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant
> like
> making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
>
> 3. OK... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known
> as the
> "Jags," and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as
> the "Bucs," What does that make the Tennessee
> Titans?
>
> 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from
> diarrhea...does that
> mean that one enjoys it?
>
> 5. There are three religious truths: a) Jews do
> not
> recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b) Protestants do
> not
> recognize the Pope as the leader of The Christian
> faith.
> c) Baptists do not recognize each other in the
> liquor
> store or at Hooters.
>
> 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
> aren't
> people from Holland called Holes?
>
> 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
> enjoy
> adultery?
>
> 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
> Aren't
> they just stale bread to begin with?
>
> 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
> pianist,
> but a person who drives a race car, not called a
> racist?
>
> 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
>
> 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
> defrocked,
> doesn't it follow that electricians can be
> delighted,
> musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
> deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
> depressed?
>
> 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
> it
> Fed UP?
>
> 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
> 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's
> licenses
> of bald men?
>
> 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
> Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it
> dawned
> on me...they're cramming for their final exam.
>
> 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies
> with
> tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what
> do
> Chinese mothers use?
> Toothpicks?
>
> 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
> Post
> Office? What are we supposed to do, write to
> them?
> Why don't they just put their pictures on the
> postage
> stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
> deliver the mail?
>
> 19. If it's true that we are here to help others,
> then what
> exactly are the others here for?
>
> 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn
> to drive.
>
> 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
> if
> it didn't zig-zag?
>
> 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her
> nose?
>
> 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
>
>
>
>
>
>