That's because Speedy is so fast no one can see him properly and the cameras can't record him properly either. So he tells everyone there are jumps in the blurs they see. Of course, no one is fooled.His PCS will be 10 across the board because he is so fast no one can catch up with his movement.
oh I like this idea, I can already see it.
They really should put a whole orchestra in the middle of the rink. Then the skaters have to fight the musicians for the various instruments.
Crashing into them seems like the easiest way to get one. Alternatively there's still the ninja blade kick or the death spiral. Or just glaring at them until they flee, that might work best for some of the ladies and is less likely to damage the instruments.
Points are awarded for the number of instruments you can score. Extra points if you can actually play them. Double extra points if you play them while performing an element.
Machida gets disqualified due to repeated time violations. He thinks fighting for instruments in pointless and would rather talk about this.
Javier gets banned from all competitions after becoming a financial liability. They always needed to get him an extra orchestra consisting of blind musicians with hearing impairment, because everybody else was too susceptible to his charms and would just give up the instruments willingly before he even took the ice.
Yulia will focus on the wind instruments, of course, making them play using only the speed of her mad spins.
Yuzuru will score extra points by playing the violin via Biellmann, hooking the violin into his upper blade and then fiddling around on it while spinning.
Unfortunately Jason also gets disqualified because he regularly storms the ice right in the middle of Yuzuru's performances, riverdancing around him. Damn you, reflexes and muscle memory!
(no, thanks, no meds for me, I'm good.)
Oh, Pamina, where to start?
Stojko comes out of retirement and gets off-the-charts GOEs for his kicks. Same for the Protopopovs and their death spiral. After the competition, the Protos angrily remind everyone that they invented the death spiral and file suit for intellectual property infringement against all the pairs skaters who used it during the last 50-60 years. The move is judged to be in the public domain and the Protos lose the suit.Alternatively there's still the ninja blade kick or the death spiral.
Michelle K, who has just become the First Lady of Rhode Island, also comes out of retirement to meet Yulia in a glare-off. Yulia wins but is trumped by Michelle, who uses her own Gift of Glare on the U.S. Congress to scare them into actually getting some work done. Then, drunk with triumph, she sets her sights on Speedy and the ISU, who all crumple in terror under her steely gaze. They finally abolish anonymous judging, for which Michelle wins the Nobel Peace Prize. She breaks down during her acceptance speech, sobbing that nothing can ever take the place of the OGM. Sadly, the speech sends Tara Lipinski into a downward spiral of guilt and madness. She breaks down and hands her OGM over to Michelle in a small but dignified ceremony. She tells Michelle: "I always knew in my heart you deserved it."Or just glaring at them until they flee, that might work best for some of the ladies and is less likely to damage the instruments.
Whereupon the Protopopovs are inspired to invent a new pairs move called the Guilt Spiral. This time, they make sure to copyright it. The move is used to great effect by Tarasova and Adelina in their "Golden Girls" double pairs routine but the royalty payments bankrupt Tat and Adelina. The Protos are happy, though, because they're finally able to pay the lawyers' fees from the "Death Spiral" suit.
Note: no controlled substances were ingested during the writing of this post.
To this day, I still occasionally expect Stojko to pop out of retirement (kung-fu kicking or not), and idly wonder if he could've gotten bronze in Torino in light of the splatfest. He should, of course, bring back the Kodo Drums program, when skating/facing off/taking instruments from the orchestra.