Crazy future predictions | Page 13 | Golden Skate

Crazy future predictions

Sandpiper

Record Breaker
Joined
Apr 16, 2014
In the next Olympics, all skaters will be accompanied on the ice by a pianist. Patrick Chan and Max Aaron crash into their pianists during their LPs. There's a judging controversy because Max's crash got -3 GOE while Patrick's got -2.
 

Pamigena

Record Breaker
Joined
Feb 17, 2014
is the pianist accompanied by a piano or is it just a guy going with them on the ice so they don't get lonely? if there's going to be a piano, does every skater have to bring his own? is the piano on skates, too? because that would make for a really cool prop
 

skatedreamer

Medalist
Joined
Feb 18, 2014
Country
United-States
is the pianist accompanied by a piano or is it just a guy going with them on the ice so they don't get lonely? if there's going to be a piano, does every skater have to bring his own? is the piano on skates, too? because that would make for a really cool prop

Well, if the piano is on skates, does it become a part of the program? Which would turn it into a pairs event, I should think. But ouch, the lifts!

Also, are there different events for different types of pianos e.g., concert grand, baby grand, spinet, studio upright? Maybe another group for electric keyboards? If you're bringing your own, do you get higher GOE if you have a Steinway (as opposed to a Yamaha)...or maybe something really cool like an antique Bechstein or Bosendorfer?

If it's on skates, does the piano get to wear a costume?

IDK...zamboni, if you find any meds that work, maybe you better share 'em w/ me... :biggrin: :slink:
 

anyanka

Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 8, 2011
Well, if the piano is on skates, does it become a part of the program? Which would turn it into a pairs event, I should think. But ouch, the lifts!

Also, are there different events for different types of pianos e.g., concert grand, baby grand, spinet, studio upright? Maybe another group for electric keyboards? If you're bringing your own, do you get higher GOE if you have a Steinway (as opposed to a Yamaha)...or maybe something really cool like an antique Bechstein or Bosendorfer?

If it's on skates, does the piano get to wear a costume?

IDK...zamboni, if you find any meds that work, maybe you better share 'em w/ me... :biggrin: :slink:

Let's hope for The Piano Guys or perhaps some famous concert pianist accompanies them. How about Elton John? :p
Also, I am now thinking of the 2008 Eurovision when Dima Bilan was accompanied by Edvard Marton and ... Zhenya! THAT was ultra mega awesome if you never saw it http://youtu.be/-72s4WzUcKI
 

skatedreamer

Medalist
Joined
Feb 18, 2014
Country
United-States
Let's hope for The Piano Guys or perhaps some famous concert pianist accompanies them. How about Elton John? :p
Also, I am now thinking of the 2008 Eurovision when Dima Bilan was accompanied by Edvard Marton and ... Zhenya! THAT was ultra mega awesome if you never saw it http://youtu.be/-72s4WzUcKI

Holy moly, never saw that -- it really was Zhenya! :cool:

Elton John would work just fine for me. Or the Piano Man himself, Billy Joel.
 

anyanka

Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 8, 2011
Holy moly, never saw that -- it really was Zhenya! :cool:

Elton John would work just fine for me. Or the Piano Man himself, Billy Joel.

And he SINGS "Piano Man" while playing it ...

And yup, I went bat**** when I saw Zhenya perform and thought I had one too many mimosas at brunch that day while watching the live feed. You can buy the single on iTunes, BTW.

Yana Rudkovskaya AKA Mrs. Plushy is Dima Bilan's manager and IIRC she and Zhenya first met while working on Eurovision, and got married a year later. (Maybe plushyfan can correct me if I got any details wrong?)
 

karne

in Emergency Backup Mode
Record Breaker
Joined
Jan 1, 2013
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Australia
In the next Olympics, all skaters will be accompanied on the ice by a pianist. Patrick Chan and Max Aaron crash into their pianists during their LPs. There's a judging controversy because Max's crash got -3 GOE while Patrick's got -2.

And because Max stayed upright and smiled while Patrick fell. :laugh:

And then Tom Z posts videos on his facebook page and makes a DVD on "How To Get A Core Like Max Aaron" which sells out fast...with a mysterious Canadian snaffling the first copy.
 

Isabel_O'Reilly

Final Flight
Joined
Nov 30, 2013
And because Max stayed upright and smiled while Patrick fell. :laugh:

And then Tom Z posts videos on his facebook page and makes a DVD on "How To Get A Core Like Max Aaron" which sells out fast...with a mysterious Canadian snaffling the first copy.

I couldn't read this page with a straight face (trying desperately not to laugh loudly and garner strange looks from the people nearby). Where do you come up with these ideas? :laugh:
 

skatedreamer

Medalist
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Feb 18, 2014
Country
United-States
I couldn't read this page with a straight face (trying desperately not to laugh loudly and garner strange looks from the people nearby). Where do you come up with these ideas? :laugh:

Well, speaking for myself, it's just a matter of getting in touch with my inner child and/or lunatic. Neither are far from the surface of what's left of my mind. And both enjoy silliness to an embarrassing degree... :biggrin:
 

Meoima

Match Penalty
Joined
Feb 13, 2014
If skaters will be accompanied by pianists next Olympic, I hope they will invite all the big name.
Pollini, Sokolov, Argerich, Barenboim, (if they can live up to that time, though, they are pretty old already), Kissin, Trifonov, Lugansky, Matsuev... :popcorn: would be a festival for me!
 

anyanka

Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 8, 2011
If skaters will be accompanied by pianists next Olympic, I hope they will invite all the big name.
Pollini, Sokolov, Argerich, Barenboim, (if they can live up to that time, though, they are pretty old already), Kissin, Trifonov, Lugansky, Matsuev... :popcorn: would be a festival for me!

Great list of interpreters! :clap:
But I would love it if Johnny Weir came just one more time while Lady Gaga wears her bubble dress to play the piano version of "Poker Face". I would pay thousands to see that live, just once.
 

anyanka

Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 8, 2011
Well, speaking for myself, it's just a matter of getting in touch with my inner child and/or lunatic. Neither are far from the surface of what's left of my mind. And both enjoy silliness to an embarrassing degree... :biggrin:

It's Friday night and I'm typing this while on my third mojito ...
 

Sandpiper

Record Breaker
Joined
Apr 16, 2014
is the pianist accompanied by a piano or is it just a guy going with them on the ice so they don't get lonely? if there's going to be a piano, does every skater have to bring his own? is the piano on skates, too? because that would make for a really cool prop
Of course the pianist has a piano! What would be the point of the guy/girl just standing there? They're playing the skater's music while the skater skates. Kinda like the Eurovision performance Anyanka posted, except without the singer. No, wait, lyrics are allowed next season, so why not a singer? :p And a full band, even full orchestra if it can fit on the ice. Someone's going to crash into the cymbals. Any early bets on who (*cough*One guy's first name starts with P, the other guy's first name starts with M*cough*).
 

Meoima

Match Penalty
Joined
Feb 13, 2014
Great list of interpreters! :clap:
But I would love it if Johnny Weir came just one more time while Lady Gaga wears her bubble dress to play the piano version of "Poker Face". I would pay thousands to see that live, just once.
Johnny Weir with Lady Gaga would be a perfect pair! I am sure even if they don't win any medal, they still win the Most memorable performance of the season. :biggrin:

A true crazy prediction: Speedy is fed up with all the complaint "he is just a speed skater" so he decides to compete in the men event and robs the gold. Of course he will win without any jump at all, he only shows his speed skating skills around the rink until the music stop. :popcorn:
His PCS will be 10 across the board because he is so fast no one can catch up with his movement. :laugh:
 

karne

in Emergency Backup Mode
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Joined
Jan 1, 2013
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Australia
Of course the pianist has a piano! What would be the point of the guy/girl just standing there? They're playing the skater's music while the skater skates. Kinda like the Eurovision performance Anyanka posted, except without the singer. No, wait, lyrics are allowed next season, so why not a singer? :p And a full band, even full orchestra if it can fit on the ice. Someone's going to crash into the cymbals. Any early bets on who (*cough*One guy's first name starts with P, the other guy's first name starts with M*cough*).

But Max was a drummer in a former life, so instead of just crashing the symbols, he jumps behind the drums and plays a bit, causing his PCS to go through the roof! :p
 

Sandpiper

Record Breaker
Joined
Apr 16, 2014
But Max was a drummer in a former life, so instead of just crashing the symbols, he jumps behind the drums and plays a bit, causing his PCS to go through the roof! :p
He crashes onto the drums and decides to play it off as part of his routine... so starts playing?

His PCS will be 10 across the board because he is so fast no one can catch up with his movement.
That's because Speedy is so fast no one can see him properly and the cameras can't record him properly either. So he tells everyone there are jumps in the blurs they see. Of course, no one is fooled.
 

Pamigena

Record Breaker
Joined
Feb 17, 2014
oh I like this idea, I can already see it.

They really should put a whole orchestra in the middle of the rink. Then the skaters have to fight the musicians for the various instruments.
Crashing into them seems like the easiest way to get one. Alternatively there's still the ninja blade kick or the death spiral. Or just glaring at them until they flee, that might work best for some of the ladies and is less likely to damage the instruments.

Points are awarded for the number of instruments you can score. Extra points if you can actually play them. Double extra points if you play them while performing an element.

Machida gets disqualified due to repeated time violations. He thinks fighting for instruments in pointless and would rather talk about this.
Javier gets banned from all competitions after becoming a financial liability. They always needed to get him an extra orchestra consisting of blind musicians with hearing impairment, because everybody else was too susceptible to his charms and would just give up the instruments willingly before he even took the ice.
Yulia will focus on the wind instruments, of course, making them play using only the speed of her mad spins.
Yuzuru will score extra points by playing the violin via Biellmann, hooking the violin into his upper blade and then fiddling around on it while spinning.
Unfortunately Jason also gets disqualified because he regularly storms the ice right in the middle of Yuzuru's performances, riverdancing around him. Damn you, reflexes and muscle memory!


(no, thanks, no meds for me, I'm good.)
 

skatedreamer

Medalist
Joined
Feb 18, 2014
Country
United-States
Oh, Pamina, where to start? :biggrin:

Alternatively there's still the ninja blade kick or the death spiral.

Stojko comes out of retirement and gets off-the-charts GOEs for his kicks. Same for the Protopopovs and their death spiral. After the competition, the Protos angrily remind everyone that they invented the death spiral and file suit for intellectual property infringement against all the pairs skaters who used it during the last 50-60 years. The move is judged to be in the public domain and the Protos lose the suit.

Or just glaring at them until they flee, that might work best for some of the ladies and is less likely to damage the instruments.

Michelle K, who has just become the First Lady of Rhode Island, also comes out of retirement to meet Yulia in a glare-off. Yulia wins but is trumped by Michelle, who uses her own Gift of Glare on the U.S. Congress to scare them into actually getting some work done. Then, drunk with triumph, she sets her sights on Speedy and the ISU, who all crumple in terror under her steely gaze. They finally abolish anonymous judging, for which Michelle wins the Nobel Peace Prize. She breaks down during her acceptance speech, sobbing that nothing can ever take the place of the OGM. Sadly, the speech sends Tara Lipinski into a downward spiral of guilt and madness. She breaks down and hands her OGM over to Michelle in a small but dignified ceremony. She tells Michelle: "I always knew in my heart you deserved it."

Whereupon the Protopopovs are inspired to invent a new pairs move called the Guilt Spiral. This time, they make sure to copyright it. The move is used to great effect by Tarasova and Adelina in their "Golden Girls" double pairs routine but the royalty payments bankrupt Tat and Adelina. The Protos are happy, though, because they're finally able to pay the lawyers' fees from the "Death Spiral" suit.


Note: no controlled substances were ingested during the writing of this post.
 
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