There will be no more judging controversies
There will be no more judging controversies
Lol, Ingo Steuer of all people will now join the ranks of the immortals of figure skating!
Time for my glorious return to GS:
Julia grows to be seven feet tall and weighs 300 pounds, nevertheless she becomes the first lady to land a 10A
and wins the Olympic platinum medal. Although this turns out to be her own delusions due to being high on
hallucinogenics sold to her by Kristi Yamaguchi who was particularly strapped for cash. She is, however,
offered a spot in the new secret KGB due to her domineering physique and cold nerves. Unfortunately she abuses this power to
stare menacingly at other agents during practices. The KGB fan forum explodes with rage over these stares.
Because us this she is then deported.....by firing her from a cannon, she lands in the middle of the Sahara
(how's that for traveling? ) and spends the rest of her days living happily with her Shaman husband she
found amongst the dunes.
Polina Edmunds, having taken the Summer off to promote her own line of low fat German sausages called "I can't
believe it's not Bratwurst" severely regresses. She does however make the team as the rest of the US ladies
field mysteriously die in a tragic poisoned Bratwurst incident.
Tarasova brings Adelina to Paris to train her in the ways of feeding the TEB pigeons, trying to work some
Karate Kid mojo on her. Adelina however being the "Lying cheater she is" clubs the pigeons to death rather
than feed them. Tarasova secretes the corpses away and later has them sown into her furs. Eventually Adelina
is prosecuted for these actions but she's found "Guilty of fabulousness" and let off the hook. She and Tat
later dedicate their lives to recreating every episode of "The Golden Girls" in their shared cabin in the
Kim Yu-Na proposes to Mao Asada and Mao says yes, the weddings is held in Korea and all of the figure skating
stars are invited (though few show up as they believe it's a hoax to get wedding gifts). Their life together
is strenious at first as all Mao wants to do is skate, leaving Kim behind to cook and clean and look after the
baby, even if the baby is just a sack of flour Kim is pretending is a baby. Eventually they get divorced and
Mao is tragically killed in a freak giraffe stampeed. Kim finds comfort in Daisuke's arms and eventually they
marry and join an American cult commune and are never seen again.
Ashley Wagner complains on a talk show that I haven't given her a storyline, she then becomes a Shaolin monk
and it's discovered that when you shave her head she looks like a British man.
Gracie Gold goes to prison for "Mass racism" but is broken out by Miki Ando, who's baby has been a small
explosive device disguised as a baby the whole time. She uses this to detonate the prison walls and Gracie
escapes to freedom. Miki's reason for this is her feelings of kinship with the other "Unartistic, lutz
jumper". Gracie decides skating isn't for her though and becomes a Zumba coach, Sky-Fly attends every class to
attain her "HollyWood body type".
Lastly Mae Berenice Meite is revealed to have been holding Yretha Silete captive the whole time, and is
sentenced to be hung, drawn and quartered. When it is realised this is too harsh, she's given fifty hours
community service, the service being rubbing Yretha's feet. Yretha attempts to take to the ice but it is
discovered the animal print she wore was the source of her power. And Mae burned it, so after some girl-time
bonding, they open a small boutique together that specialises in animal print. Gracie calls this "Typical" and
is sent back to prison for a repeat offense.
Because every other skater on the planet is caught up in some equally insane and possibly offensive story,
Risa Shoji and Fumie Suguri tie for gold in 2018. Mainly because Fumie bribed the judges with her pension money and also threw her heart pills onto the ice when Risa was skating. In whole during that competition there was a total of 400 UR calls and 50 downgrades. They both scored 5.20 overall.
On that note, anyone know where I can get a good therapist and some seriously effective meds? I'm clearly in need.
P.S Carolina Kostner starts an illustrious career as a drag king with Elizaveta Tuktamisheva.......make what you will of that.
Welcome Back zamboni step!! I knew this thread would be one you'd enjoy. You didn't however update if Adelina is still secretly doing level 1 spins but magically concealing it as a level 4? Inquiring minds....
...and the pigeon feathers show up later in the season on some ice dance costumes.
re: "Golden Girls," are we talking maybe a program for double same-sex pairs or something?
Just when I thought this thread was getting decidedly un-crazy (and feeling very disappointed), along comes zamboni step. Hooray! No meds for you, zamboni -- if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
My crazy Prediction of the day: The GS server catches fire today as Yuzu's SP is released and the GP assignments are announcements. At some point every Yuzuru fan will become overloaded and recieve an error code from their brain that simply flashes "Can't Compute" or a slight variation " Won't Compute" forcing them into a robot like state and the only option is to walk to the nearest couch/bed and sleep it off for 1hr. This will give the GS mods time to tame the flames on the servers and unclogging the "what's new section" very briefly. During that short window I will post severel more stupid photos of cats watching Yulia skate and pawing at her on flat screen tv's .... Yes I have more in the reserve.....birds too
Something about this sounds... oddly plausible... to me. Always felt like Mao was more skating/competition obsessed than Yuna.Their life together is strenious at first as all Mao wants to do is skate, leaving Kim behind to cook and clean and look after the baby,