Note: no controlled substances were ingested during the writing of this post.
You're my new personal hero.
Note: no controlled substances were ingested during the writing of this post.
Oh, Pamina, where to start?
Stojko comes out of retirement and gets off-the-charts GOEs for his kicks. Same for the Protopopovs and their death spiral. After the competition, the Protos angrily remind everyone that they invented the death spiral and file suit for intellectual property infringement against all the pairs skaters who used it during the last 50-60 years. The move is judged to be in the public domain and the Protos lose the suit.
Michelle K, who has just become the First Lady of Rhode Island, also comes out of retirement to meet Yulia in a glare-off. Yulia wins but is trumped by Michelle, who uses her own Gift of Glare on the U.S. Congress to scare them into actually getting some work done. Then, drunk with triumph, she sets her sights on Speedy and the ISU, who all crumple in terror under her steely gaze. They finally abolish anonymous judging, for which Michelle wins the Nobel Peace Prize. She breaks down during her acceptance speech, sobbing that nothing can ever take the place of the OGM. Sadly, the speech sends Tara Lipinski into a downward spiral of guilt and madness. She breaks down and hands her OGM over to Michelle in a small but dignified ceremony. She tells Michelle: "I always knew in my heart you deserved it."
Whereupon the Protopopovs are inspired to invent a new pairs move called the Guilt Spiral. This time, they make sure to copyright it. The move is used to great effect by Tarasova and Adelina in their "Golden Girls" double pairs routine but the royalty payments bankrupt Tat and Adelina. The Protos are happy, though, because they're finally able to pay the lawyers' fees from the "Death Spiral" suit.
Note: no controlled substances were ingested during the writing of this post.
Yulia wins but is trumped by Michelle, who uses her own Gift of Glare on the U.S. Congress to scare them into actually getting some work done. Then, drunk with triumph, she sets her sights on Speedy and the ISU, who all crumple in terror under her steely gaze.
I would give anything for this prediction to become reality.
I demand royalties when this is made into a film.