Plastic Surgery

Shakira Brazil · Feb 2, 2015

My best friend asked me for advice on this matter and I was very hesitant to give her one since this is a very delicate matter. She asked me what I think about her getting breast implants and a facelift. She really has a low self esteem. My friend very much wants to go under the knife but is scared that she might end up looking unnatural like some celebs.

I told her to go with what makes her feel better and to just follow her heart. I warned her that she may have regrets after the job is done so she should think about it carefully. I assured her that no matter what happens I'll be here to support her.

Do you think I said the right things? I'm very worried about what happens. She's very sensitive and have many issues.

MalAssada · Feb 2, 2015

I am by no means an expert, but I have, like your friend, low self steem. I would kill for a weight surgery to take out those extra 30kg I gained by taking meds that were supposed to up my self steem :disapp:

One thing that it would be nice for her to know, though, is that it won't stop with a face lifting and breast implants. By having low self steem, she will soon find other "issues" with her body and will want to get more plastic surgery. A line needs to be drawn, and it would be for the best if she could realise this herself.

Dee4707 · Feb 2, 2015

How old is she??

Why does she think plastic surgery will help her??? I guess that's one question I would ask.

mnm464 · Feb 2, 2015

Most of the time, people that go into Plastic surgery look 10-100 times worse than the way they looked coming out of it. By no means am I saying that your friend is ugly, she probably a beautiful person(as far as I can tell from this goes). Depending on how old she is right now, it might look "fine" for now, but what about when she is 60+ yo? Despite her concerns about looking unnatural, it might be true in however many years when she is older. So for now, maybe you should do some other girl day out activities to help her self esteem: spa-hair treatment, nails, massage, shopping. Depending on her body type, it might be good to shop for clothes that appeal to what she wants to look like, like how x clothes are slimming or whatever the claims are now.

adelia · Feb 2, 2015

The thing about plastic surgery is that it rarely ever stops with one surgery. The majority of patients go in for revision surgery because the first (or second, third etc) outcome was not desirable. And if you're having surgery because of low self-esteem reasons, then the likelihood is that you will never be completely satisfied with the outcome of the surgery. If she has many "issues" to deal with, I don't think changing her physical appearance alone will solve her problems.

desertskates · Feb 2, 2015

I would encourage your friend to seek counseling before she would go ahead with any elective surgery. Breast implants can often become painful, and facelifts can look odd. I think that fixing the issues inside would be best.

Violet Bliss · Feb 2, 2015

Internal problems need internal solutions. Plastic surgery won't fix her and likely she will not realize this and think instead she needs more. Risks increase with excess, including botched appearance, illnesses, and even death.

If she goes for cosmetic surgeries with a realistic and healthy mindset, I would say, in general, don't put stuff to stay in a body.

satine · Feb 2, 2015

I don't think there's anything wrong with cosmetic procedures IF the patient doesn't have the mindset of 'I need this to be happy'. If your friend is relying on possible surgery to make herself have good self esteem, then I think she has much bigger problems to deal with beforehand (I say this as someone who was driven to a very bad place because of low self esteem & I don't really want to say more than that). Sometimes therapists can work out, sometimes not- some people just aren't good at sitting down in front of a professional & spilling their guts. I'd recommend a support group with other women, as this is what helped me the most. If she doesn't want to go, or is still set on getting the surgery after going, then take it 1 operation at a time. Also try talking to her yourself. She trusted you enough to tell you what she wanted & I'm sure she'd welcome your concern/questions if you'd put them forward. Like, how long has she wanted this done? How will she react if the results aren't exactly what she expected? Does she compare herself to other women? Are they real women or photoshopped women? Does she fully realize that physical beauty does not equal happiness? etc.

heyang · Feb 2, 2015

A friend of mine has esteem issues. Always concerned about her weight and looking young. There was nothing wrong with her weight at all. As for looking young, avoiding the sun would've helped, but she and her husband like going to islands for their vacations, etc. And she really didn't look old, she just doesn't look like she's 20 when she's now 50+

Anyway, she did get breast implants. They actually made her even more self-conscious. Between that and the discomfort, she had them removed just months afterwards.

I think your friend can really benefit from discussing plastic surgery with people who have had it to ensure that she understands the positives and negatives. beforehand.

Shakira Brazil · Feb 3, 2015

Dee4707 said:
How old is she??

We're both 29 years old.

mnm464 said:
So for now, maybe you should do some other girl day out activities to help her self esteem: spa-hair treatment, nails, massage, shopping. Depending on her body type, it might be good to shop for clothes that appeal to what she wants to look like, like how x clothes are slimming or whatever the claims are now.

She's pretty when she tries. Sometimes she tries too hard and ends up looking garish. I've tried that before. I treated her before to a whole day of pampering and shopping. She was good for a a few days than her insecurities returned.

adelia said:
The thing about plastic surgery is that it rarely ever stops with one surgery. The majority of patients go in for revision surgery because the first (or second, third etc) outcome was not desirable. And if you're having surgery because of low self-esteem reasons, then the likelihood is that you will never be completely satisfied with the outcome of the surgery. If she has many "issues" to deal with, I don't think changing her physical appearance alone will solve her problems.

Those are my concerns too. I'm scared that one day she'll just show up with brand new unnatural looking boobs. If you don't know what that looks like, look at Blake Lively here.
There are supposed to be consultations before the surgeon agrees to operate but what if she finds a scumbag of a doctor who'll do anything as long as he gets paid.

satine94 said:
Sometimes therapists can work out, sometimes not- some people just aren't good at sitting down in front of a professional & spilling their guts. I'd recommend a support group with other women, as this is what helped me the most. If she doesn't want to go, or is still set on getting the surgery after going, then take it 1 operation at a time. Also try talking to her yourself. She trusted you enough to tell you what she wanted & I'm sure she'd welcome your concern/questions if you'd put them forward. Like, how long has she wanted this done? How will she react if the results aren't exactly what she expected? Does she compare herself to other women? Are they real women or photoshopped women? Does she fully realize that physical beauty does not equal happiness? etc.

Thanks for the great advice! She's seen a psychiatrist or psychologist (I can't remember which one) before but she quit after 2 sessions. She said the doctor was out to get her. I've never thought of support groups. Again, thanks for this advice. I'm going to look for one near our place. I'll try talking to her again with the questions you've said.

heyang said:
Anyway, she did get breast implants. They actually made her even more self-conscious. Between that and the discomfort, she had them removed just months afterwards.

I think your friend can really benefit from discussing plastic surgery with people who have had it to ensure that she understands the positives and negatives. beforehand.

Thanks for this advice! I don't know anyone who've undergone plastic surgery but I'm going to ask my acquaintances casually (and without divulging my best friend's secret, of course) if they know someone. Anyway, I didn't know that implants were uncomfortable. That's one more drawback that she must know.

ruffledgrouse · Feb 15, 2015

Breast implants only last about 10 years. Face lifts even less (5-8ish). After that, your skin starts sagging again and the implants need to be taken out/replaced.

My friend got a nose job because she literally didn't recognize herself in photos. She didn't think she was ugly, but it her mental picture of herself was so different that it was always a shock to her to see pictures/video/odd mirror angle. Your friend sounds like she wants it for the wrong reasons. Nudge her toward a counselor, not a plastic surgeon.

Oh, wow, I just caught your comments about her last attempt at therapy. Thinks the doctor is out to get her?! There's something serious going on in your friend's mind and she absolutely should not be getting PS. I hope she needs, though I know you won't be able to do much until she's ready to accept it.

peg · Feb 15, 2015

adelia said:
The thing about plastic surgery is that it rarely ever stops with one surgery. The majority of patients go in for revision surgery because the first (or second, third etc) outcome was not desirable. And if you're having surgery because of low self-esteem reasons, then the likelihood is that you will never be completely satisfied with the outcome of the surgery. If she has many "issues" to deal with, I don't think changing her physical appearance alone will solve her problems.

desertskates said:
I would encourage your friend to seek counseling before she would go ahead with any elective surgery. Breast implants can often become painful, and facelifts can look odd. I think that fixing the issues inside would be best.

SkateFiguring said:
Internal problems need internal solutions. Plastic surgery won't fix her and likely she will not realize this and think instead she needs more. Risks increase with excess, including botched appearance, illnesses, and even death.

This. If the problem is her self-esteem, plastic surgery won't fix it. It'll just be a temporary lift, like the day of pampering was.

Jaana · Feb 15, 2015

Shakira Brazil, in my opinion your fried needs help from a psychiarist. Or from a strong friend who makes her realize that she needs to concentrate on the world outside her and not on herself.

LiamForeman · Feb 17, 2015

She definitely needs to work on her self-esteem before going under the knife. In my circle, plastic surgery is so common. My ex got a facelift at age 50 and then had to go back at 60. The first one was natural looking, but he looked ridiculous after the second. Ever since I was a teen I wanted to get my nose fixed, but it fit my face and was quite attractive as is. I would have died if I came out of a rhinoplasty and destroyed my face. And it seems like at least 25% of people look worse or are unsatisfied with the end result.

Plus you have to factor in that general anesthesia is not without risks. Do you want a slim risk of dying on an OR table for vanity sake? Your friend needs to just join a gym and commit to a solid workout regimen, which will bolster her endorphins and make her feel better IMO.

Plastic Surgery

Shakira Brazil

MalAssada

Dee4707

Ice Is Slippery - Alexie Yagudin

mnm464

adelia

desertskates

Violet Bliss

satine

v Yuki Ishikawa v

heyang

Shakira Brazil

ruffledgrouse

peg

Jaana

LiamForeman

William/Uilyam

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