Daughter just turned 10 and has been skating with her coach for 3 years. My wife and I have had some concerns with the coaches track record of his skaters quitting before the age of 14. He's seems very successful, sells a good story and has brought a few skaters to nationals. Unsolicited, we were recently were approached by 4 coaches, a past national skater of his, and the choreographer in her club expressing their concerns of verbal and mental abuse of his skaters. One of these people was his coaching partner. It felt like an intervention. They told us that he has ran many gifted skaters into the ground and out of the rink. They had serious concerns that my daughter would be the next casualty in a few years and we should seriously consider changing coaches. My daughter absolutely loves him and would be heart broken if we change. My daughters progression has been great but my wife has noticed some of this behavior over the past couple years. She thinks it would be the best if we move on to another coach. Me I'm not sure, but then again I'm just there to write the checks. Is this a poaching attempt of a well paying customer? How do I explain this to my daughter? Anyone go through something like this?
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- Thread starter Dad21
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Do you stay and watch practices? What did your wife see and did she talk to the coach about it?
If I had a coach three years and was happy, I'd ask for him/her to meet with me and let them know that people are approaching you and you wanted him/her to be aware that their character is being discussed.
If someone was abusive, you don't go tell the new family, you lodge an official complaint with the rink or PSA or USFS so it can be investigated and possibly prevent future abuse. I am a state mandated reporter and if a coach approaches you, they are also mandated reporters in most states. I would ask them if they filed a complaint, when, with who and the outcome. I don't like gossip, I want real info.
If I had a coach three years and was happy, I'd ask for him/her to meet with me and let them know that people are approaching you and you wanted him/her to be aware that their character is being discussed.
If someone was abusive, you don't go tell the new family, you lodge an official complaint with the rink or PSA or USFS so it can be investigated and possibly prevent future abuse. I am a state mandated reporter and if a coach approaches you, they are also mandated reporters in most states. I would ask them if they filed a complaint, when, with who and the outcome. I don't like gossip, I want real info.
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- Jan 14, 2008
Agreed. What was the behavior your wife saw that she didn't like?
I read the original message and have been pondering it for awhile.
I find it strange that multiple people have approached you and made similar comments - something seems off to me. I also wonder if you are "drop & run" parents vs. "stay and watch" parents. If you or your wife are "drop & run" parents, then someone needs to rearrange their schedule so they can stay and watch ALL the practices for about a month. I think if you (or your wife) really watches how the coach interacts with the skaters for awhile, then I expect will you will have some of your answers.
My impression was the coach was not abusive but rather pushed the kids extremely hard which resulted in the kids getting burnt out. If that is the case and my daughter really liked this coach, then we would probably stay with the coach but my daughter and I would be communicating ALOT. Ten is old enough for you to explain the situation to your daughter and then let her decide what she wants to do. Remember - this is your daughter's coach, not yours. You (and your wife) are just the chauffeur and bill payer.
If you decide to switch coaches, who would your daughter go to? Some coaches will not take a new student (or even let you know their availability) until the old coach is dropped. That is tricky since your daughter can then find herself without a coach until new spots open with the new coach. And how often are her lessons? that plays a huge role in who can take her. If she only has one private lesson a week, getting a new coach to fit her into their schedule is relatively easy; but if she is currently taking 1-hour lessons 5 days a week, then you could be waiting a long time to get back onto that schedule.
Also each coach has a different view in how involved they should be in a student's life. Some are very hands-on in all aspects and will refer to themselves as the student's second parent. Others are rather gruff and view their role as the coach - they believe all touchy feely stuff should come from the family. Which is better? I think that depends the skater.
Also remember your daughter is still young and her personality is maturing. A coach that works with her as a 8-year old may not be the best coach at 10; but that same coach could be a great match at 12.
My daughter is now 11 and we switched coaches about 9 months ago. She had been with the old coach since she was 4. I explained the reasons to my daughter why I thought we should switch and she agreed so we did (the switch was not easy). If my daughter had been a couple years younger, this coaches personality would not have worked but at 10, my daughter could handle the new coaches personality. And I knew several of her former students so I was well versed on the personality. This new coach's personality does not work for all but it works well for my daughter at this point in time. My daughter is happy so I am happy.
Good luck in whatever you decide and keep us posted!
I find it strange that multiple people have approached you and made similar comments - something seems off to me. I also wonder if you are "drop & run" parents vs. "stay and watch" parents. If you or your wife are "drop & run" parents, then someone needs to rearrange their schedule so they can stay and watch ALL the practices for about a month. I think if you (or your wife) really watches how the coach interacts with the skaters for awhile, then I expect will you will have some of your answers.
My impression was the coach was not abusive but rather pushed the kids extremely hard which resulted in the kids getting burnt out. If that is the case and my daughter really liked this coach, then we would probably stay with the coach but my daughter and I would be communicating ALOT. Ten is old enough for you to explain the situation to your daughter and then let her decide what she wants to do. Remember - this is your daughter's coach, not yours. You (and your wife) are just the chauffeur and bill payer.
If you decide to switch coaches, who would your daughter go to? Some coaches will not take a new student (or even let you know their availability) until the old coach is dropped. That is tricky since your daughter can then find herself without a coach until new spots open with the new coach. And how often are her lessons? that plays a huge role in who can take her. If she only has one private lesson a week, getting a new coach to fit her into their schedule is relatively easy; but if she is currently taking 1-hour lessons 5 days a week, then you could be waiting a long time to get back onto that schedule.
Also each coach has a different view in how involved they should be in a student's life. Some are very hands-on in all aspects and will refer to themselves as the student's second parent. Others are rather gruff and view their role as the coach - they believe all touchy feely stuff should come from the family. Which is better? I think that depends the skater.
Also remember your daughter is still young and her personality is maturing. A coach that works with her as a 8-year old may not be the best coach at 10; but that same coach could be a great match at 12.
My daughter is now 11 and we switched coaches about 9 months ago. She had been with the old coach since she was 4. I explained the reasons to my daughter why I thought we should switch and she agreed so we did (the switch was not easy). If my daughter had been a couple years younger, this coaches personality would not have worked but at 10, my daughter could handle the new coaches personality. And I knew several of her former students so I was well versed on the personality. This new coach's personality does not work for all but it works well for my daughter at this point in time. My daughter is happy so I am happy.
Good luck in whatever you decide and keep us posted!
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- Oct 31, 2006
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US Figure Skating has SafeSport guidelines (this may be what loopy is referring to) that all coaches and officials are required to follow.
Here's a link to the overview. http://www.usfsa.org/content/SafeSport Overview.pdf
There should be someone at your club designated as the SafeSport representative and inappropriate behavior should be reported to that rep.
When I think back to some of the things my coaches USED to say - whether funny or to get me to skate faster/jump higher/whatever - there is no way they could get away with that now. . .
Here's a link to the overview. http://www.usfsa.org/content/SafeSport Overview.pdf
There should be someone at your club designated as the SafeSport representative and inappropriate behavior should be reported to that rep.
When I think back to some of the things my coaches USED to say - whether funny or to get me to skate faster/jump higher/whatever - there is no way they could get away with that now. . .
I've been pondering this some more. Another question is what are you and your daughter's realistic long term ice skating goals. Her is why I ask - my sister and I were both swimmers. My sister was super dedicated but I just went through the motions. Our swim team hired a former Olympic coach that demanded alot of crazy stuff from the families. Years later my mom now confessions that while she was willing to go along with some of these ideas for my sister, no way was she willing to do it for me. As she put is, I was just was good enough. Does this bother me? no, because I can see myself doing the same thing. Hope that view helps.
This is exactly on point.
The issue here is you have heard gossip. If the skating director is doing his/her job, the level of 'abuse' the other coaches brought to your attention should have been addressed by the skating director. If you are concerned, you should go to people who told you the stories and asked about SafeSport and if they took their concern to the Skating Director.
If they say 'no' ask them 'why not?' Cause without a SkateSport evaluation, those coaches are leaving themselves open for litigation not only by the coach they are complaining to you about (for libel), but by the parents of the skaters the coach trains (for not reporting abuse).
And if you're that concerned take a few days off and watch your daughter on freestyle and give your wife a break and make your own judgment. Don't ask us. Also, talk to your daughter, not us.
Also, I want to mention that when 4 to 6 coaches (your original post was ambiguous) approach a skating parent, that's weird. I mean, I've never heard of anything like that ever. *A* coach talk to a parent, yeah; 4-6? Never.
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- Oct 31, 2006
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Am I the only one that is a little disheartened that the original poster has not come back to answer questions or acknowledge our feedback? 
And there is A LOT of detailed feedback.
And there is A LOT of detailed feedback.
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2008
Am I the only one that is a little disheartened that the original poster has not come back to answer questions or acknowledge our feedback?
And there is A LOT of detailed feedback.
Big pet peeve of mine as well! I am always dumbfounded when that happens.
