Changing coaches

Seren · Aug 13, 2017

I was hoping for some input from the collective wisdom of this community- thank you in advance!

I am an adult skater (almost 30 :drama:

) who returned to the sport 3 years ago. I initially took an adult group class and after 4 months started private lessons with the coach who taught the class. I have taken lessons from her ever since, now only one time per week but at one point took two lessons per week from her (she is now only at my current rink once a week in the morning). At a certain point a year and a half ago I started working every week with another coach on MITF which helped a lot and then several months ago started taking a second freestyle lesson from this second coach (working with the second coach was all okayed with my first coach). Right now I take 3 lessons per week, one with my initial coach (a freestyle lesson) and two from the second coach (one on MITF and one freestyle).

For the better part of this year I have been feeling like I no longer get as much out of my lessons with my first coach. Since I started taking lessons with the second coach I have made significant progress in multiple areas (both in learning new elements and correcting bad technique), I think in large part because the second coach is much more technical which helps me more.

The second part of the situation that is challenging is that my initial/first coach has become a friend. While I am getting to the point where I will no longer want to take lessons with this coach, I also do not want to hurt this persons feelings. If money was not a concern I would probably keep taking lessons from her just to avoid the situation but as lessons here are $35 per half hour- $140 a month is a lot of money. There are several other issues I have with this coach but all of those things I could talk through and the main issue is that I feel like I'm not making progress anymore. My goals have also evolved and are more technical/competitive than they were 3 years ago.

Unfortunately, no matter which way I look at this situation, I am going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation. I don't want to hurt my first coaches feelings and I don't want to create any awkwardness between either of my current coaches. I know these situations are not abnormal but as someone who actively avoids conflict I'm at a loss with how to approach the situation.

Ic3Rabbit · Aug 14, 2017

Seren said:
I was hoping for some input from the collective wisdom of this community- thank you in advance!

I am an adult skater (almost 30 ) who returned to the sport 3 years ago. I initially took an adult group class and after 4 months started private lessons with the coach who taught the class. I have taken lessons from her ever since, now only one time per week but at one point took two lessons per week from her (she is now only at my current rink once a week in the morning). At a certain point a year and a half ago I started working every week with another coach on MITF which helped a lot and then several months ago started taking a second freestyle lesson from this second coach (working with the second coach was all okayed with my first coach). Right now I take 3 lessons per week, one with my initial coach (a freestyle lesson) and two from the second coach (one on MITF and one freestyle).

For the better part of this year I have been feeling like I no longer get as much out of my lessons with my first coach. Since I started taking lessons with the second coach I have made significant progress in multiple areas (both in learning new elements and correcting bad technique), I think in large part because the second coach is much more technical which helps me more.

The second part of the situation that is challenging is that my initial/first coach has become a friend. While I am getting to the point where I will no longer want to take lessons with this coach, I also do not want to hurt this persons feelings. If money was not a concern I would probably keep taking lessons from her just to avoid the situation but as lessons here are $35 per half hour- $140 a month is a lot of money. There are several other issues I have with this coach but all of those things I could talk through and the main issue is that I feel like I'm not making progress anymore. My goals have also evolved and are more technical/competitive than they were 3 years ago.

Unfortunately, no matter which way I look at this situation, I am going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation. I don't want to hurt my first coaches feelings and I don't want to create any awkwardness between either of my current coaches. I know these situations are not abnormal but as someone who actively avoids conflict I'm at a loss with how to approach the situation.

IDK what to tell you other than sitting down with the first coach and nicely telling them that you don't feel like you are making progress anymore and you need to part ways on a coach/student basis, no hard feelings or anything, you are just finding you are making progress elsewhere.

I guess that's all I can suggest. Yes it stinks, but you're going to have to do it, one way or another.

4everchan · Aug 14, 2017

i would just tell the first coach what you wrote here....

1) she wasn't often at the rink
2) you started taking lessons from another coach
3) you realize that the new coach's pedagogical style/language fits more your learning patterns
4) you thank the old coach for all he/she did for you, reviving your love for skating and taking the time and energy to teach you back then

cl2 · Aug 14, 2017

I had a similar situation not too long ago, minus the part that I had a personal friendship beyond the student-coach relationship.

It was definitely an awkward conversation, but I focused on just explaining my reasons as matter-of-fact-ly as possible (new goals, etc.), and I also made sure that mentioned what I did like about working with her.

I don't know if it will be well received, but if she's truly a friend, you may consider mentioning one thing that you at not getting out of lessons with her, and gently frame it as a mode of improving her coaching with future students. I've never been a coach myself, so I don't know how that will go down, but I've attended many workshops on self-reflection in teaching, and it's always appreciated to get feedback and constructive critique.

jf12 · Aug 14, 2017

I can empathize with how awkward it's going to be. I like 4everchan's advice. Because of your friendship it makes it extra awkward, and for this reason would keep the constructive criticism out of the initial conversation, and only bring it up if they ask you (maybe another conversation later).

cl2 · Aug 14, 2017

jf12 said:
I can empathize with how awkward it's going to be. I like 4everchan's advice. Because of your friendship it makes it extra awkward, and for this reason would keep the constructive criticism out of the initial conversation, and only bring it up if they ask you (maybe another conversation later).

Yes, sorry, I should qualify what I meant when raising the point about constructive criticism. Of course, in choosing to attend teaching workshops, I'm already open to critique and open to collecting and responding to feedback. But someone who's not looking for feedback could misconstrue it as an insult, among other things, so it's easy to develop misunderstanding that way. So, jf12, you're absolutely right to keep critiques to oneself unless asked for.

What I meant, with regards to friendship, is that there are other ways to nurture a fruitful friendship, other than begrudgingly paying him/her money for lessons.

vlaurend · Aug 14, 2017

I would tell your old coach that you can only afford two lessons a week (not 3) and need to simplify by having only one coach. Since you have been benefiting from the MIF and FS lessons from the other coach, it would be less disruptive for you to keep that coach as your coach. Also, I have seen friendships between coaches and students ruined by the coach-student relationship, so in the long run, you are preserving your friendship by choosing the friendship over the coach-student relationship and doing it sooner rather than later.

Chump12 · Aug 14, 2017

How do you know when you should change coaches?

TGee · Aug 14, 2017

Chump12 said:
How do you know when you should change coaches?

Everyone has to ride out plateaus, but it's not uncommon for a skater to find that the coach that worked with him or her during the initial transition out of basic skating isn't the best person for the long run.

And as the proportion of time in low level group lessons goes down, and private lessons goes up, it may become increasingly apparent that it's not going to work for the long haul.

It's admittedly tricky to sort out. Sometimes all it takes is a seminar or a few weeks with a different coach who helps a skater think about things differently to get progress happening again. But it tends to be confident coaches that reach out for these kinds of solutions when a skater seems stuck.

The thing is that some coaches use attachment to hold onto skaters that should move on. I've seen some coaches that really go after new skaters and try to forge a tight relationship with them that sometimes seems more about protecting an income source that genuine fondness. And I've noticed that these can be the coaches that are discourage their students from take advantage of seminars and group lessons on one hand, and are less likely to work in a team or engage specialists when a skater 'gets stuck'.

Certainly, attachment, especially for young skaters, may make the difference between learning and progressing or not. It's tricky....but there's something about this case that is making me wonder why the coach hasn't proposed bringing in some other voices....if she is a true friend....

Changing coaches

Seren

Wakabond Forever

Ic3Rabbit

Former Elite, now Pro. ⛸️

4everchan

cl2

jf12

cl2

vlaurend

Chump12

TGee

Similar threads

Connect with us