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Thread: This disgusts me

  1. #1
    I like pie. Tonichelle's Avatar
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    This disgusts me

    http://www.adn.com/front/story/5555481p-5490537c.html

    and instead of going after the people who let this happen... all foster families will be considered bad... tonights news was talking about how foster families can't be trusted blah blah blah... it's the people in charge of the program that let these people through... and there's nothing wrong with my family so the news bias is way off once again

  2. #2
    On Edge Piel's Avatar
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    Oh Toni what a horrible story! It's sad that all foster children can't be placed in loving families like yours. I don't think this will make all foster families appear to be bad any more than incidents of child abuse at the hands of biological parents makes all biological parents look bad. Although these sicko's are very much to blame for the abuse of these children you're right that it is the system that needs overhauled. It seems people feel that it is their right to have children no matter how bad of parents they are. When many people who are well qualified and would make excellent parents are denied the right to adopt because of being single, gay or disabled it takes a lot good people out of the running. Sadly this leaves lots of folks who's only qualification is that they are a traditional male female couple but have no business being anywhere near children. Please keep us posted as to what happens with these children.

  3. #3
    Forum translator Ptichka's Avatar
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    This is, indeed, horrible.

    Toni, I certainly understand your frustration. And it's not just in regard to adopting/fostering kids. There was a recent fascinating New Yorker article on the "proxy Menhausen syndrome", for example. It, too, raised the question of how much should the system "trust" people. How would you "fix the system"?

  4. #4
    I like pie. Tonichelle's Avatar
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    My brother is proud to be my family's "Foster Kid" he shouts it from the rooftops (ok so it goes both ways he gets attention for being a brave kid and people also feel sorry for him... he can manipulate the most heartless of people I tell ya!) but yesterday at school a teacher(not one of his regulars but one who is new but knows he's being adopted) and began asking questions seeing if my parents abuse him... there's nothing on him that would make anyone think this. This person knows we're "religious" and believes my family is bad and reported them to the school yesterday. Thankfully the administration knows my family very well and told her to cool her jets that he's in therapy and is checked up on regularly...

    the lady said that because of the news of that one foster family you couldn't be too careful. I agree but at the same time you don't single out every foster kid... I guess she did it to several "in the system" (as she calls them) kids... I don't think she'll be asked back next year... still it pisses me off that she is more concerned with kids not even in her classroom just because they happen to be foster children... unless you have a real reason don't get in his business...



    as for fixing it, there's no real cure until parents are responsible enough and we don't need a system... I just wish that Alaska wasn't rated #50 in the nation... we're not only the worst system in the US but we're also ranked lowest when looking at statistics in Canada and some European countries... this was back in 1999 and while they have changed things we still see way too many cases like this



    mom just got online and told me Duane is now getting teased by his classmates because he's in a foster care situation... and that when he gets adopted mom and dad will do the same thing the other parents did(thankfully he doesn't really know what that means, mom won't watch the news with him there) but he wants so bad to be liked I can only imagine what is going through his head....


    they also have to have someone come out to the house to make sure Duane is safe... all foster families are going through this... it's crazy...

  5. #5
    On Edge Piel's Avatar
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    Toni, I am so sorry that your family has to put up with this kind of shoddy treatment. Even worse is that while time iand resources are being wasted on this there are all kinds of nut cases out there getting away with God only knows what. Stay strong. Duane is a very lucky little boy.

  6. #6
    I like pie. Tonichelle's Avatar
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    I just got an email from Duane's case worker... it looks like I might have to be interviewed next week when I go down to visit home... so stupid... like I have anything to do with anything... I don't live there anymore... and if this is about Duane's jealousy over Disney World they're going to have one very annoyed person on their hands (I have been cause of several phone calls "is there any way Duane can go too" like I have to take him everywhere or it's abuse... one time they tried to get my friend to invite him to a slumber party[an all girl slumber party] yeah these people are totally together on these things)

  7. #7
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    Yikes. That sounds awful, Toni. Foster families hvae a really rough go of it. My Mum works with someone who takes in foster kids. Children's aid tells foster parents they are not allowed to go into the foster kid's rooms for any reason when the kids aren't there. Hello, who owns the house? The woman went in to drop off laundry or something one day,a nd came across some drugs. Children's aid gave her crap for going in there, instead of responding to the drug issue. It's a little nuts.

    What I don't get about this story is how it took so long for anyone to notice. At one point in the article, it says the kids haven't been to shcool for years. Aren't there authorities who keep track of this?

  8. #8
    I like pie. Tonichelle's Avatar
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    my guess is the school district thought they were put into home school... and the authorities that are supposed to check up on the kids supposedly don't have to check on them once they are adopted.. which is a load of crap because for the first year(ie transitional year) they are still up your butt all the time... after that they still schedule times... at least they're supposed to, obviously the branch in charge of these kids forgot that little clause and they're blaming everyone else but themselves

  9. #9
    Forum translator Ptichka's Avatar
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    Toni, I definitely feel for you. I certainly would be upset if I had to answer questions about my family or my parents for no other reason than that some people who do not even deserve to be called humans abuse their kids.

    All I was trying to point out with my question on your suggestions is that this issue is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, many would argue that regulations should be relaxed so that good honest families like yours don't have to wait so long to adopt a child. On the other hand, others may argue that regulations should be tightened to avoid atrocities like the ones described in the article from taking place.

    More broadly, this is a question about biological families as well. Should a child be taken out of the family on nothing but a suspicion of abuse? This approach ends up traumatizing a lot of kids from good loving families. However, the opposite approach may jeopardise the kids. It's hard to see where a reasonable boundary lies, though in general I'd say that in Massachusetts the Child Services are a little to eager to remove children from homes.

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