Information Request

I know that many of you here at GS are employed in the medical profession, and many of you still have been exposed to loved ones harbouring terrible diseases. I am calling on all of you to help me out.

My grandmother has just been diagnosed with liver cancer, and the prognosis is not good. My family is all still in shock, and to be honest, no one really has any straight answers as to what to expect now. I have spent hours scouring internet websites for information on this disease, but reading medical literature is a little overwhelming and its not answering the millions of questions I have.

All I basically know right now is that this woman was the picture of health 5 weeks ago. She started feeling a little under the weather on August 15 the day after my aunt's wedding. From there she went down hill very very quickly. Jaundice set in, massive weight loss, nausea, and excruciating stomache pain. They finally gave us the terrible news on Thursday.

I will be seeing her this weekend, most likely for the last time and I just need to know how to prepare myself and my children.

This is the very first time our family has been exposed to illness, especially one of this devastating nature.

From your experience, how long is it reasonable to expect her to last? How horrible will the toll on her body be? How can I prepare my children for seeing her?

Any advice or information is much appreciated.

Canuck

I don't have any answers, Canuck, I'm not a health care professional.

I just wanted you to know that I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this, and that I'm thinking of you and your grandmother.

I am so sorry Canuck........all I can give you are my prayers for you and your family..........42

It sounds like this may be somewhat traumatic for your children, depending on their age. You might want to go in first and then decide if it's age appropriate for your children to say goodbye to her in person.

Canuck, I think Bronxgirl gave you some good advice. I think too that your children may react more to how you handle the situation.

I am very sorry to hear about your grandma. I am experiencing this week some of the same with my mom. My mom, 84 years old, would walk about 6-8 blocks every day and last week we had to take her to the emergency and now is in the hospital. I think the shock comes that your grandma was not sick over a period of time.

Take care and I know you will do what is right for your children.

Dee

I'm not a medical professional but there has been a lot of illness and death in my family.
My sympathies and prayers are with you at this difficult time.
If I were you I would put less emphasis inevitable effect of the disease and more on how your grandmother seem to be feeling.
It's a controversial thing but I wouldn't keep your children from seeing her if she feels up to visiting with them. Just tell them that grandma isn't feeling well but would like to see them. If they are young, I really wouldn't talk about "saying goodbye", just behave as you normally would on a visit.
Bronx girl makes a good point of your seeing first and then deciding.
I visited lots of old, very ill people when I was a child and it wasn't particularly traumatic for me. I just accepted it because my parents seemed to. They always told me to consider the other person's feelings.
It sounds simplistic but for you I would suggest that you think of this visit as not so much a "goodbye" but an "I'll see you later". Experience tells me the dying aren't particulary interested in "goodbyes" either.
"Closure" is a highly overrated thing.
I have never regretted the time spent with my relatives but I have regretted not spending enough time with them.

Before my grandmother died three years ago she became ill suddenly and we were told we had just a couple weeks at most to spend with her. I felt that it was truly a blessing to know that she was dying beause it allowed us to say those final goodbyes that so often don't get said when death occurs suddenly. The most difficult part was when MomMaw asked me if she were dying. When I told her that she was I asked her who she wanted to see and how she wanted to spend her last days. She was able to be at home surrounded by the people that she loved. When she died I was holding her hand. It was the most privileged moment of my life that the last face she saw on this earth was mine. It also brought me great comfort. Canuck I hope that you wil be able to have the same type of experience with your grandmother.

Piel, thanks for sharing that touching moment in your life.

Canuck, please keep us updated if you can. We all care about you and how you are handling the situation.

Just wanted to let you know that they are running lots of tests on my mom and she seems to be feeling better than she was the other day.

Dee

Dear SC,

My thoughts and prayers go out to you in this difficult time. Losing anyone who is close to you and has had a profound effect on your life is never easy, even if everyone is saying things like "oh he/she lived such a full life" ...it's still your grandmother and it still hurts and scares you like the dickens.

There are two resources I will suggest...
1) http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/support
this site gives many options for both patient and family including death and dying issues.
2) Maria Shriver's book for children on death and dying called "What's Heaven:Talking to Kids about Death." A well written book that will most likely spark some discussion about feelings and how to cope with them.

Love and light,
your sk8m8, Mark

*hugs* I don't know what to say I'm praying for you and your family

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your grandmother. I lost my grandmother (my mom's mom) when I was very young-14yrs old. I still think about her all the time. The best thing you can do for your grandmother is to be there for her and let her know who much you love her.

I'm not in the medical profession either, but recently lost my FIL to cancer.
His diagnosis was a shock also. He'd been fine, then one evening MIL noticed he was yellow looking. Thus began the medical tests and finally the diagnosis. Supposedly, the cancer began in his gall bladder and spread to pancreas and liver. He had a huge operation that gave him some pretty good quality time. Diagnosis came in July '03, he lived a decent quality life up until 2 weeks before his death in May '04. Either he didn't have pain or he hid it well. He spent his last 2 weeks in bed and only the last 12 hours were bad for him and MIL. He was ready to go, tho....he'd asked everyone's permission to go to Paradise, as he called it.
Because my FIL(72) lived as normal as he could and handed the whole thing over to God during his last months, it made it easier for everyone involved.
The irony about the whole thing is that he was diagnosed with his cancer nearly 11 years to the day that his daughter(34 at the time), my SIL, was diagnosed with colon cancer which had spread to the liver. She battled the disease for 5 months and her last weeks of life weren't as quality as FIL's were.
I guess the type of cancer, the age of the person, and many other things make it different for everyone.
Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I think some "higher power" guides you thru these things and you get thru them and realise you're stronger than you thought you were.

I am a relatively young woman, still in college, and I have experienced several deaths in my life. When I was 4 my grandmother was dying of cancer. It was a long and slow death and she spent the last portion of her life at home. I knew that she was sick and in bed but my parents were so great about bringing my brother and I to see her. It was important to my father that his mom could spend time with her grandchildren and it is still important to me today that I got to spend time with her before she left this earth. I still remember her and will cherish those memories for the rest of my life. I was pretty deeply saddened by the ordeal for a 4 year old. When we went our on our boat to spread her ashes, I refused to take part in this and sat at that front of the boat alone.

My uncle recently died from a rare form of leukemia. His two young grandchildren were at his side daily until he died. I know that this was important to them and although they were young, it made it easier for them to understand where he went once he passed away. I highly recommend that book by Maria Shriver. Someone brought that book for my cousins to the funeral, and it really helped them understand the situation.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.