crazy family members

uh.. it's a shame.. my family makes me want to wish i was never born sometimes. anybody have terrible things to say too? my 17 year old sister got pregnant.. and she's not married..the father is a boyfriend..about 21 i hear. what is it about teen sex and pregnancy these days? i know of so many.. teens like to experiment a lot now..with drugs, sex, drinking, partying... is it no wonder our family structure is disintegrating? some parents should never have been parents.. they don't take marriage or their parenting responsibilities seriously anymore. many parents now either abuse their kids or give them too much freedom with their peers these days.. there has to be better education and council for teenagers.. and parents better able to deal with this changing society. what is the problem? even my sister-in-law got pregnant for the first time when she was 14. my father is often a mean drunk and i believe brought over a prostitue once.. i saw some nasty photos of her..uh..let's say, about as triple x rated as they get. and he doesn't even try to hide the porn magazines lying around the house..the ones he subscribes to. whenever i see him drunk now..i scram real fast! i learned the hard way not to mess with him in this state. god, it was a lesson i'll never forget. my mom once told me, "it was a mistake that you were born." she was never affectionate in the least. she once pointed a loaded gun at me when she was pregnant with my sister. i had to duck behind my bed just in the nick of time. she also abuses her pets..much like her 2nd husband did. i'll never forget her chaining some of her dogs up and throwing them slop to eat once a day when i was little..or the time she decided to take matters into her own hands..and shoot her cat that she learned had somehow gotten one of its legs amputated. (i guess she figured it wouldn't live anymore and decided to try and kill her before taking her to the vet. stupid thing to do, eh?) my brother is like this too..cruel and not affectionate..mean. he threatened to punch me recently! one of my cousins is sitting in jail now for plowing into an old lady while he was driving under the influence i think. one of my uncles had to go to detox for a spell. he cussed his wife out something fierce on the answering machine when she didn't pick him up after he was discharged. turns out, she had died in her bed and had been lying there for days before the dog escaped through the window. i vividly recall how my grandfather (now dead from stomach cancer), who got so pissed off at my wild antics i believe, said, "you'll never amount to nothing in your life kid." my grandmother immediately defended me. i was confused and hurt by the mean remark from him. i didn't understand it then... or the continual chain smoking of my poor granny (died from emphysema). thank god i don't deal with the lot of them anymore. there is a disease in the family.. a disease that never could disguise itself for long.. or should i say, "multiple diseases." i have divorced myself from that little by little. and oh, has it taken me a long time to do it. and none too soon.

i guess the recent news of my sister's pregnancy got me to reflect a bit on this issue... any thoughts about the issue of teen pregnancy, divorce.. family problems.. and what to do about it, if any? i need some advice.. i feel so down now.. the typical 'blues' that come and go in my mind often i suppose... i just felt like letting it go... to release this tension and sadness a bit..so i started the thread.

anymore health class makes the teens who haven't "done it" feel like freaks... abstinence is now the "naughty" word in school...

sorry you're having family troubles.

i know.. isn't it surreal? there is an epidemic of teen sex and peer group out-of-countrol issues going on.

yea..society these days..makes you feel left out and freakish if you don't 'fit in' with the crowd somehow.

the dysfunctional american family.. i have gotten to thinking about this topic now... what is happening.. and why. oh, i don't speak to my mom anymore.. yea! cut the cord once and for all. and i recently decided to not visit my brother or sister-in-law ever again. i had a terrible time of it during my last visit.

My heart goes out to you. Are you still in school? I hate to say this but with a family like that, I advise you to get help. Do you have a school counselor? I'm guessing you are still in school? At least, when I was young, there was no problem with alcohol. But my dad died at age 51 from smoking. Not knowing any more about your situation, I can't really give much advice. It just isn't a healthy place. You can always go to a minister also. I'm sure there should be plenty of help available somewhere. Another idea would be to call a county mental health facility and see what they suggest. Hope this helps a little anyway.

i'm a nursing student.. but not a teenager or living at home anymore. thank god i managed to survive and leave home for good. i had issues though... not being able to choose or career or stick with it.. being wishy washy and indecisive. you see, i had no clue for the longest.. finally, i decided that i wanted to be a nurse after working briefly as a certified medical assistant. hopefully i will finish this december. i need to find some stability in my life and am always working towards this. i think i may have just come into my own.. keeping my fingers crossed. sometimes it's an excruciating process and takes awhile...especially if you had no support or guidance whatsoever as a child or teenager. as an adult, i have to take some responsibility now. it did take me such a long time to mature mentally though.....

I think you're doing a beautiful job of it. We're all "works in progress'....

Take away from your family memories only those which make you smile. Forget the rest. You can't change people; but you can help them all by setting an example for focusing on the dream of a nursing career and achieving it. Good luck to you!

Don't divorced yourself from your family, but don't hang around the bad ones either. I don't know your age, but I'm almost over the hill come this August. I'm not going to go into my family Hx, but I want to encourage you by saying... You're gonna make it... Look at what you don't like with your family and others similar or just like them and move on in life doing what is right or best. You look at them and you keep moving.. Help those who you can, don't punish yourself if you reach out, they slap your hand back or don't take your hand or if you need to keep your hand back for your own self worth or balance.. You're not going to be perfect in life, no one is... But, part of life is searching for balance, peace and seeking knowledge.. Don't let anyone tell you not to look for it... I don't know if you live on your own, if you do.. Create a paradise in home in your apartment or room, do it for yourself... Everyday you have to talk to yourself and ask questions or tell yourself you can do it.. Even if you have to come back here or find someone to talk to who will understand you just need a ear.

Find someone to help you escape what your mother said about your birth.. I have a friend suviving physical/sexual abuse from her father and uncle from age 12 to 16. Physical and verbal abuse from her mother and 4 of her 6 siblings. She went through hell, but managed to still stay on the straight path.. She even made up with her parents, I'm not saying you will have the same.. But, when they passed one after the other recenlty, she had to go and find solace for herself... She found it in church and the community.. I'm just saying, she's one of many I know who chose to stay on the right path, even though the path they came from was bumpy, diry, humiliating and no way balanced.

I'm a religious person, so I seek refuse in God and the knowledge he's put out there. I'm not ashame to ask for help in other places.. You gotta do what you have to do.... Seek knowledge of being a balanced person and finding peace in life, from the cradle to the grave.


After a certain age, you start to see the truth in things, people and yourself.. You will look back on life and others younger than you and know or hope you can inform them of what they are doing or offer to help.. Getting older does not mean the end.. What I thought I knew at 15, didn't campare what I learned at 25. What I thought I knew at 35, wasn't what I thought at 25. What I'm learning now, isn't what I thought I knew before.. It's becoming much clearer...



Denise..

Gracefulswan-I'm sorry to hear of all the problems your family is having. At least you recognize that the things that your family is doing is not a good way to live. Unfortunately we cannot choose who we are born to. But you can choose to do better and not fall into the bad choices that your family has made-teen sex, early pregnacy, violence, alcoholism,etc, etc.

Seek out positive adult role models and get an education.

Tonichelle said:

anymore health class makes the teens who haven't "done it" feel like freaks... abstinence is now the "naughty" word in school...

sorry you're having family troubles.

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What school did you go to??? Under your hero, Bush, we can ONLY teach abstinence, we can't even tell a kid how to use a condom, which may or may not have prevented gracefulswan's sister from becoming pregnant.

Teen pregnancy rates were dropping in the 90s and they are now going back up. Yeah, the abstinence only thing is working REAL well.

Swan, I'm glad you are out of that mess. I teach in a high poverty school, and many of my kids have been through similar things with their families. You seem like a strong person, and I think you will be just fine. But seeing a counselor never hurt anyone, if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone.

I don't know what part of Alabama you're from, but I live in northwest Florida, just south of the Alabama line in an area that is economically depressed, to say the least.

I admire your determination to get your education and remove yourself from the situation. I know from experience that dwelling on that kind of thing can be detrimental to one's mental health.

Hang in there!

PrincessLeppard said:

What school did you go to??? Under your hero, Bush, we can ONLY teach abstinence, we can't even tell a kid how to use a condom, which may or may not have prevented gracefulswan's sister from becoming pregnant.

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Princess, as I undetrstand it, it all depends on whether or not the state accepts the "absitenence only" money. If it doesn't, it can go on teaching sex ed as usual (as in MA); if it does, it's what you describe.

Personally, I do not believe in "absitence only" programs. In the states that adopt it, teen HIV infection rate started going up dramatically. This is especially true in the lower income neighborhoods where kids often won't get relevant information at home/

If the school accepts federal money (and we do, way too many kids below the poverty line), they must teach abstinence only. I totally agree that this hurts the low income kids the most as they are probably the least likely to remain a virgin for very long. (Read Ruby Paine's Culture of Poverty to understand why.)

I'm glad that the school district where my son goes to does not teach abstinence only classes. He just finished with his sex ed class and we had good talks about what he learned. Information is power.