Boy Parent Advice

[SolviturAmbulando]

Hello,

I am not an experienced figure skater and am not very familiar with the culture. We took my son ice skating a year ago, and he attempted to copy the figure skaters despite his lack of experience on skates. We signed him up for the next LTS session with hockey skates. My son informed us of the error we made with regard to our skate choice. One day, not long after, I showed him a video of pairs skating and was informed that that’s what he wants to do.

Fast forward almost a year, my 7 year-old son still wants to do pairs skating, and often talks about when he can, “get a girl.” I keep telling him that he needs to be a strong skater on his own so that a girl will choose him. I don’t get into the ratio of females vs. males in skating, because I’d rather have him work at skating instead of thinking he can just, “get a girl.” I also tell him he has to be a bit older.

I’m not pushing him into anything, but I am trying to do what I can to help. He’s in Basic 6 now and also has a couple of private coaching sessions a week. I put him in ballet once a week, because I figure that he’d better figure out what to do with a girl if he got one. While we primarily have him at two rinks now, I’m looking into the possibility of branching out to one of the other rinks once he passes Basic 6, because I think they may have a more robust skating program.

Some of the struggles we have:
1. While, we live in a large metropolitan area with access to several rinks, we do not live somewhere that is known for skating. Our home rink is a very small rink (one sheet). Our second rink stops LTS at Freeskate 1 because they feel that everyone is just going to get a private coach after that.
2. It seems that a lot of the instructors at our rinks aren’t skating instructors for their primary jobs, and therefore have a lot going on.
3. At our home rink, at Basic 6, I’m guessing my son is the highest level male at our rink at 7 years of age. He was not asked to do the last performance they had, but there were no other male skaters either. Maybe our rink just doesn’t know what to do with figure skating boys?
4. My son has an over abundance of energy. The kind of overabundance that makes sense to throw a pair of hockey skates on him and watch him crash around the ice. It does not make sense to put him in a pair of figure skates and expect that he will actually pay attention if he’s not interested. Fortunately, he loves figure skating and has a natural aptitude for it.
5. While we have ice dancing in our area, none of the rinks does pairs skating from what I can tell.

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice about boys. Also, what do I look for with regard to the best home rink for my son? I do like the rinks we skate at, and I’ve liked all of the people who have coached him, so it’s not about them. It’s just a matter of finding the right all around fit.

Are there any groups for parents with sons who figure skate?

 

[theblade]

I don't know what country you are in, but that can have a huge impact on things. This is a very interesting conversation to have. It's great that your son has an idea of what he would like to pursue. That, of course, could change.

He is very young. Do not be too concerned about not being in a skating hotbed of top rinks. At least not for now. In order to develop your son's talent organically, seek to avoid burnout. One of the best things you can do for him is to get him cross-training at a young age. By this I mean not just time on the ice, but off the ice.

I don't know what current restrictions there are in your area; whatever they are, hope things change soon. But, in a regular world, here are some suggestions.

You want to build not just his on-ice skating skills, but his off-ice strength and musicality. So, you already have skating happening. In terms of strength training, this doesn't just mean weights (some recommend boys not start with weights until age 12-13). This means gymnastics - regular gymnastics, and also tumbling/basic parkour. Skaters that had some form of gymnastics when young seem to be more powerful in general than those that didn't. Bonus: it helps channel his tremendous energy.

Ballet lessons are great; if you can add some in-person jazz and ballroom, so do. (Ballroom is great for understanding various musical tempos and steps.) To keep things cheap, there are free online hip-hop dance classes that you can do alongside him.

If possible, get him musical training on an instrument. He will learn about timing this way, along with musical interpretation.

 

[bostonskaterguy86]

In order to develop your son's talent organically, seek to avoid burnout.

Ballet lessons are great; if you can add some in-person jazz and ballroom, so do. (Ballroom is great for understanding various musical tempos and steps.) To keep things cheap, there are free online hip-hop dance classes that you can do alongside him.

If possible, get him musical training on an instrument. He will learn about timing this way, along with musical interpretation.

These are all excellent pieces of advice!

I know when I was your son's age, I had a habit of getting intensely interested in learning how to do things, and focusing on them relentlessly until I burned myself out and didn't want to do them anymore. I think this is the case for a lot of young boys (although in my case, it was exacerbated quite a bit by my then-undiagnosed ADHD). It sounds like you are doing a great job of supporting your son in what he wants to do, while also being realistic with him about what it takes to get to the higher levels of the sport. Encouraging him to take up dance, music, etc will provide him with skills that will enhance his skating, and will likely also help keep him from getting too burnt out on skating since he'll have other things to do.

I didn't start skating seriously until I was an adult, but I started piano lessons at age 6 and took ballroom lessons for two or three years in college, and both helped tremendously with skating. I've also been pretty active in theatre for much of my life - I found that it helped me to develop the necessary mindset and mental skills to perform in front of an audience / judges (nothing like going through the audition process to help you get used to being under scrutiny!).

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

Hello and welcome!

Son must definitely develop himself before even thinking of pairing up, you also need a specialized pairs or dance coach for that (whichever he chooses). He will have to pass tests in his disciplines as well MIF and such.

He also needs to do things off ice to help his on ice self. Dance (ballet, barre, jazz, hiphop, contemporary, tap), yoga, lifting (but not to bulk, he needs to have lean strong muscles, not bulky ones), which is another reason why I don't ever suggest gymnastics as it builds short bulkier build muscles and long strong muscles are what are needed. Dance will do what is needed w/o the need for gymnastics.

I hope this helps.

 

[theblade]

@Ic3Rabbit does bring up an important consideration re: gymnastics. Too much can indeed bulk build where long/strong is better for skating.

Standard artistic gymnastics (floor, vault, beam, etc.) can create a short bulkier build if it is done in excess, say like 10 hours off-ice a week. However, I still think that some gymnastics is helpful to most skaters (and every kid, frankly). At least, the gym my kid attended worked out well. The schedule was one 60 min regular gymnastics class a week, and one 60 min tumbling class (along with other separate off-ice dance classes at other studios).

Between the warm-up, exercises and cool-down, there was cardio, flexibility, and strength training using one's own body weight. Most kids don't learn to do cartwheels at school anymore, so my kid learned at a gym. The other bonus was that these were "fun" classes that taught technique, but for general fitness. Another great option is indoor climbing at a gym. Also a fun way to be fit.

It's important for skaters, who learn in order to excel in testing and competitions, also have other physical pursuits that are "low stakes" and more "fun fitness".

 

[Clarice]

Ice dance training could be useful, not only for its emphasis on skating skills, but to teach tracking and basic holds. An ice dance class could present opportunities for informal partnering, but those are hard to come by in my area.

 

[Girlbird]

No one should be in hockey skates unless they are playing hockey.

 

[gliese]

He also needs to do things off ice to help his on ice self. Dance (ballet, barre, jazz, hiphop, contemporary, tap), yoga, lifting (but not to bulk, he needs to have lean strong muscles, not bulky ones), which is another reason why I don't ever suggest gymnastics as it builds short bulkier build muscles and long strong muscles are what are needed. Dance will do what is needed w/o the need for gymnastics.

I really would not be worried about getting too bulky from recreational gymnastics. The bulky gymnasts we see on TV are the best of the best and have been training just as much as elite figure skaters do for years for their strength. He's not gonna get bulky from a couple hours a week.

Reminder that he is 7. It's really not that serious.

OP, one of my biggest recommendations (other than off ice that others have touched on) would be to get him to a rink with other boys that he can look towards for inspiration. In my experience, skaters start to get frustrated when they have no one to look up to in person. I've even experienced it myself. You don't have to be in a super elite training environment. Just need to be at a club that clearly knows what they're doing. Ideally a club where multiple skaters are landing triples. Many clubs begin to plateau at doubles and if this is the case, your son will not be any different.

If you haven't already, find a private coach.

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

I really would not be worried about getting too bulky from recreational gymnastics. The bulky gymnasts we see on TV are the best of the best and have been training just as much as elite figure skaters do for years for their strength. He's not gonna get bulky from a couple hours a week.

Reminder that he is 7. It's really not that serious.

OP, one of my biggest recommendations (other than off ice that others have touched on) would be to get him to a rink with other boys that he can look towards for inspiration. In my experience, skaters start to get frustrated when they have no one to look up to in person. I've even experienced it myself. You don't have to be in a super elite training environment. Just need to be at a club that clearly knows what they're doing. Ideally a club where multiple skaters are landing triples. Many clubs begin to plateau at doubles and if this is the case, your son will not be any different.

If you haven't already, find a private coach.

I was speaking from experience and yes about kids not pros or elite gymnastics level. Once it's learned and the building of the muscles begin, yes from a couple of hours a week (esp if they like it and want to keep it in with skating). I wasn't just giving the advice based thinking of National level/Olympic level gymnasts.

 

[Tinner]

Put him in figure skates and enroll him in classes that are focused more on figure skating and see if he enjoys it and sticks with it. The learn to skate is of course a good start but it's just the foundation and it's all very recreational.
Does he have interest in actually developing as a figure skater or does he just want to do recreational skating but with a girl?

The fact that he's a boy shouldn't be a concern for a 7 year old, I don't see any reason why the club wouldn't "know what to do" with him. It's not super super uncommon that boys figure skate, and absolutely not uncommon that boys take learn to skate classes. Boys don't need any different treatment in figure skating for kids than the girls do. It's strange that he wasn't included in the performance. Did he want to be in it? Were all the other kids in it? Is he doing as well with the skating as the other kids?

 

[gliese]

The fact that he's a boy shouldn't be a concern for a 7 year old, I don't see any reason why the club wouldn't "know what to do" with him. It's not super super uncommon that boys figure skate, and absolutely not uncommon that boys take learn to skate classes. Boys don't need any different treatment in figure skating for kids than the girls do. It's strange that he wasn't included in the performance. Did he want to be in it? Were all the other kids in it? Is he doing as well with the skating as the other kids?

He's in basic 6. At this point it's becoming actual figure skating which is also the point where most boys quit and most rinks have no idea what to do.

ETA: I agree, OP, you need to figure out why he wasn't included and make a decision based on that reason.

 

[silver.blades]

Others have given some good advice and you seem to be handling everything with the right attitude.

I don't know where you're located, but if your country has a figure skating federation, look into seminars and such they might have specifically for boys. These can be really useful for boys who skate a rink where they're the only one to give them a community. I know that Skate Ontario runs boys only seminars a couple of times a year. Representation does make a difference. The club I work at has an unusually high number of male coaches and as a result we have probably 5 times the number of boys transferring into figure skating than the clubs I came up through even though the current club is a fraction of the size.

 

[SolviturAmbulando]

Hello All. Thank you so much for your advice and perspective! I'll try to respond to everything.

We are in the southern United States, but not so far south (FL, TX) & southwest (UT, CA) where there is more of a figure skating culture. I'm not at all looking for elite rinks, and I have no expectation of my son reaching some high skating level. COVID is not restricting anything at any of the rinks in the area. It's business as usual.

My greatest concern is giving my son the tools he needs to have a good foundation. He is ultimately going to have to make choices & skate on his own merits. I know I cannot make those choices for him. He may decide to leave skating tomorrow, and I am ok with that. For today, he absolutely loves skating.

He is currently in Basic 6 at two different rinks, and has a private coach that he sees once a week at each rink, so 2 half hour Learn to Skate classes and 2 half hour sessions with two different coaches. Basic 6 means that he is learning mohawks. It also means, as gliese pointed out, that any of the boys who have not left for hockey are still very interested in figure skating. We also go to public skate between 2-4 times a week where he is free to do whatever he wants (which only includes practicing if he's showing off). The reason I have him in lessons 4 times a week is because he doesn't practice during public skate, and he's neurodiverse (so, Bostonskaterguy very interested in your experience) and needs the repetition.

When compared with his peers at the same level, they can certainly execute a move far more accurately than my son. His coach has pointed out that for some reason his feet always know where to go and despite the fact that his top is all over the place that he somehow manages to pull off the move and not fall. Without getting into the ins and outs of it, it makes sense with his neurotypical nature. On the other hand, when compared with his peers at the same level, there's just something different about his skating. He's so smooth, and he makes skating look so natural and easy, where as most of his peers don't have the same smoothness.

With regard to the initial rink question, I probably should give you a little background on our current main rink. It is a fairly new rink without a club. There is only one sheet of ice and nothing else but a small store that contains 95% hockey items. The coaches at the rink all have daytime jobs that aren't in skating, and there are no male coaches. There is only like 1 hour of freestyle sessions a day, if that. There are only 2 boys I know of at this rink above a Basic 5, which is my guess as to why they don't know what to do with my son. None of the skaters at the rink have triples to my knowledge. The other rinks in the area do have more advanced boys, they have clubs, they have skaters with triples, and many opportunities throughout the day for freestyle sessions. The coach from our main rink yesterday did ask if we want to put my son in a competition, so it's not like they are trying to ignore him. Tinner, to answer your question, I think the rink is just so new and small that they don't normally have boys figure skate.

theblade, your idea of parkour is a good one and something I hadn't thought of. My son was in gymnastics for a year before skating. It was painful to watch because he wasn't acting like he wanted to be there near the end, and we just ended up being the parents of "that kid." I pulled him out. I think that parkour is something that might work for him and is something he can do with his best friend, who is very interested in parkour. Climbing may also work, but he seems to only go so high when we've taken him. Gymnastics may work for him in the future when he's a bit more mature.

Ic3Rabbit, I appreciate the advice on needing a specialized coach when the time comes. Out of all the rinks in the area there are coaches who specialize in ice dance, but I don't believe there are any coaches that specialize in pairs in the area. I'm not worried about this yet, but will keep it in mind if the time comes. He wants to do pairs so that he can. "do spins and jumps and lift and throw girls." I'm sure doing this in Disney on Ice would be even better. Yoga is a great idea, and, if we can keep his attention, could be something we can do at home together as a family.

gliese, definitely some good advice about having other boys for inspiration. I was kind of wondering if that might be the case. Also, I hadn't thought of the clubs (we haven't gotten to that yet), but I can totally see what you are saying about having others to look up to.

silver.blades, good idea on the seminars for boys. While that is definitely not happening where I live, I may be able to take him somewhere else that has these types of seminars, especially with the summer coming.

bostonskaterguy, you mentioned that there is, "nothing like going through the audition process to help you get used to being under scrutiny." I totally get that. We did put him in a competition for Basic 1 last year. I did it because I knew it would be cute, and I really wanted to see what he would do. Would he cry? Would he skate off the ice? It was good, because I got my first lesson in how many fees there are for everything when it comes to a competition He went out on the ice, did one move from a program that he had practiced for weeks, and then just skated around doing nothing for the rest of the song. Again, for Basic 1 this is cute. There were only 2 kids who both got metals. He loves being on the ice, being the center of attention, and skating in front of people, is what I learned.

My question is this (for all), knowing that he is neurotypical and can't, at this point in his development, do things that require multiple steps (this will change), should I put him in the next competition? His coach asked yesterday if we want to put him in the next one. If I ask my son, he's going to want to do it. I'm guessing he's going to come in last and not get a metal because he won't skate the program despite the fact that he could metal if he would skate the program. If someone tells him the moves, he'll do them, but you can't tell him the moves during a competition.

It's not about metaling, because I really don't care, and I think it would be a good lesson for him to learn that this is how competitions go in skating. However, I don't want something as simple as this to dampen his love for skating. Maybe if I tell the coach that he has to exhibit that he can do it first without help, then he can skate a competition?

I really appreciate everyone's responses to my inquiry. I really appreciate the perspectives here. If there's any other ideas you can think of, please let me know.

 

[StarlightTiger]

I really appreciate everyone's responses to my inquiry. I really appreciate the perspectives here. If there's any other ideas you can think of, please let me know.

Hi! Although I'm new to figure skating, I thought I could offer a different perspective as a male athlete.

Firstly, I cannot stress enough how much I would avoid sports like gymnastics, parkour, and rock climbing. Often, children are drawn to these activities because they're fun, interesting, and flashy, but they all have huge potential consequences. They're high impact sports with a high risk of injury. Unless your son has a strong desire to compete in cheerleading or football at the collegiate or professional level, the damage to his joints and body in combination with such a high risk of injury isn't worth it. It sounds like he already loves figure skating - I wouldn't add another high-risk sport.

Ic3Rabbit also makes an excellent point. In many sports, athletes don't want to have large, blocky muscles. As a competitive tennis player, I train in a way that specifically avoids this type of muscle growth. Considering how young your son is, I'd recommend he try sports that focus on agility and endurance. For example, maybe try team sports like soccer or basketball (I found baseball slow and boring), or individual sports like tennis or golf. Dance is another great option, and yoga and stretching can be done for flexibility. There are so many to try! I played quite a few when I was young before choosing to go further with tennis.

Remember, kids are often influenced by what family and friends think! If you show an interest in a sport or activity, he'll likely become curious too!

Learning to play an instrument is another fantastic option for high energy kids! I'd highly recommend that he try a solo instrument or one that sounds great on its own like the piano, guitar, flute, or cello. (In my opinion, instruments like the violin, clarinet, and french horn sound much better in larger groups).

As a final note, if your son decides to continue with competitive athletics, it's good to start looking for doctors as soon as possible. Know there's a big difference between "good doctors" locally and ones at the top of their field. I think it's worthwhile to travel to have something done perfectly (like surgery or physical therapy), and it's better to find out where the best doctors are now rather than seeing someone locally when an injury occurs because it's convenient. (For perspective, I've flown to see specialists and traveled 2 hours one way to see a specific physical therapist. Because of that, I'm still able to play tennis at an extremely high level. If I didn't, I may have only been able to play recreationally. Some doctors may even have preferences where imaging is done.)

I hope this helps!

 

[Sai Bon]

I'm not a skater, but have danced, and am surprised nobody has suggested this. How about martial arts training? Nothing too violent, perhaps karate kata or aikido for kids? I joined a kids' karate class once as an adult and found it really good fun as well as providing excellent all-round fitness training. The type of dance I do attracts an older demographic (30+), but I would say the vast majority of the better dancers have done martial arts when they were younger.