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Thread: Why people who speak in public are very brave

  1. #1

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    Why people who speak in public are very brave

    Consider these quotes from people, who if they had time to think about their answers, would surely have come up with something different to say.

    True Statements-some r-e-a-I-I-y funny ones

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not
    live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were
    supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
    forever, which is why I would not live forever.
    " Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
    can't help but cry. I'd mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with
    all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
    life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for
    federal antismoking campaign.
    "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston
    Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
    the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
    "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm
    just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.
    "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
    There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were
    selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne
    "Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager,
    Danny Ozark
    "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle
    "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
    another" -- George Bush, US President
    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee
    "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
    truth. I assisted in furthering that version." -- Colonel Oliver North, from
    his Iran-Contra testimony.
    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
    Norman Einstein." -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
    people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel
    "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
    notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is
    a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services,
    Greenville, South Carolina
    "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go
    to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next
    morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler,
    FCC Chairman

  2. #2

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    :lol: :rollin: :lol: :rollin: :lol: :rollin: :lol:

    Yeah, those flies and death and stuff -- it's always something.


  3. #3

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    Some of that stuff actually sounded fine in its context:
    <blockquote style="padding-left:0.5em; margin-left:0; margin-right:0; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; border-left:solid 2">"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
    the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.</blockquote>
    I believe Barry was refering to the shooting spree; the fact that it hit Washington area was indeed almost arbitrary. On its own, of course...

  4. #4

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    That's the funniest thing I've read in quite a while. :rollin: :rollin: :rollin:
    I wonder how many points Miss Alabama got for that interview! :rollin: :rollin: :rollin: :rollin: :rollin:

  5. #5

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    Very funny quotes. Thanks for the laugh:lol: :lol: :lol:

  6. #6

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    These are hilarious, Doris. Definitely going into my permanent "Funny File":lol:

  7. #7

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    :rollin: :D <img src= ALT=" >D"> :lol: :rollin: :rollin: :D <img src= ALT=" >D"> :lol: :rollin: :rollin: :D <img src= ALT=" >D"> :lol: :rollin: :rollin: :D <img src= ALT=" >D"> :lol: :rollin:

  8. #8

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    The above were just too funny. :lol: :lol: They remind me of the Darwin Award.

    <strong>DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER - 23 February 2003</strong>
    Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it in really stupid ways.
    This honor is usually awarded posthumously.

    In a few weeks, the 2002 Darwin Award Winners will be decided. This newsletter contains synopses of twelve top contenders, and another dozen will be summarized in the next newsletter.

    <strong>FIR KILLS TREE TRIMMER</strong> England | A tree trimmer decided to save time, and throw the pruned branches directly into a fire he built near the base of the tree. Predictably, the tree caught fire, putting an end to further timesaving nnovations.

    <strong>WHAT'S THAT SOUND?</strong> Kansas | A man whose vehicle broke down on I-35 was struck and killed by a train while calling for help. The train engineer spotted him standing on the tracks, holding a cell phone to one ear and cupping his hand to the other ear to block the noise of the train.

    <strong>WOUNDED WIRE BITES BACK</strong> Pennsylvania | Daniel was practicing his marksmanship by shooting at electrical insulators, whose function is to hold electrical wires aloft. Eventually the shattered targets were no longer able to do their job, and a high-voltage wire fell to the ground, sending Daniel to his shocking demise.

    <strong>WRONG AND WRONGER</strong> Ukraine | A man was walking his dog, when a Police Academy cadet pointed out that dogs on a public street must be leashed and muzzled. The men began to argue, until the dog owner pulled out a military hand grenade and threw it to the cadet's feet. His well-trained dog immediately fetched it back, and man and dog met the same messy fate.

    <strong>BEES 1, HUMANS 0</strong> Brazil | A farmer decided to burn a beehive out of his orange tree. He protected his head from bee stings by sealing a plastic bag tightly around his neck. His worried wife found him dead a few hours later. He had forgotten to put breathing holes in the bag.

    <strong>CABLE CAR STAR</strong> Italy | A 53-year-old Glasgow tourist used a mountain climber's snap hook to attach himself to an unused cable car cable, and attempted to slide down a mountain. Unable to defeat the force of gravity, the man accelerated out of control and proceeded to bash his way 200 meters down the cable before impacting a pylon.

    <strong>ELECTRIFIED WORMS</strong> Norway | If you need worms for fishing, just put a 12-volt electric current through ground, and up they come. A 23-year-old man withdrew his genes form the pool when he tried to speed up the process by using 220V household current. Alas, he did so squatting on a steel bucket, holding an electrode in one hand while pushing the other in the ground...

    <strong>GUN OWNER SHOOTS BACK 72%</strong> New Mexico | 18-year-old Carlos tried to rob a man who had placed a newspaper ad to sell a gun. Surprise! The gun seller was also a gun owner. He fired it in self-defense, and the robber died before rescue crews arrived.

    <strong>SLICK-POOP-SLIP</strong> Arizona | Had he been eating too many banana peels? A 49-year-old Mohave County Jail inmate defecated on his cell floor, slipped in his own feces, struck his head on the ground, and died.

    <strong>FOOLISH COURAGE</strong> Brazil | On New Year's Eve, some friends were befogged by Pinga, a traditional Brazilian liquor, when they began competing to see who could hold a lit firework in his mouth the longest. Antonio was the winner, biting a firework a bit too long, and thereby earning praise for his "courage" at his funeral.

    <strong>BOOBY TRAPS TRAP BOOB</strong> The Netherlands | A retired engineer booby-trapped his home with twenty deadly devices, with the intention of killing his estranged family. Anyone with common sense could predict the inevitable outcome. He inadvertently triggered one of his own hidden traps, and removed himself from the planet.

    <strong>WELL-TRAINED </strong> Kentucky | A 20-year-old demonstrating train-hopping to his friends tried to hop a southbound train, but failed to notice the simultaneous approach of a northbound train. He was struck and killed.


  9. #9

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    Darwin Awards

    Dee, I love the Darwin Awards and check it every couple of months.

    My favorite golden oldie Darwin awards are all ones that weren't totally lethal:


    A man went hunting in Arkansas and shot a deer. He bundled the deer into the trunk of his car and threw his rifle in on top of the deer. He then drove to a friend's house to show him the deer. Unfortuntely for him, he was not into checking up. The deer was stunned, as the bullet had only creased its skull. It woke up, panicked and began to thrash around in the trunk, and discharged one of the rifles, which the man had forgot to unload. The bullet passed through the side of the car and hit the man in the leg, where he was standing outside the car. To add insult to injury, the town paper wrote the thing up, which notified the game warden. Apparently, the man had gotten his dates wrong too, and he and the deer had shot each other on the day BEFORE deer season opened, so the man was arrested for poaching.


    A young fellow, wanting desperately to be a pilot, enlisted in the Air Force. Unfortunately, his vision was too bad to qualify him to fly, so he spent his entire tour of service as a mechanic. When he left the service, he settled in Los Angeles with his itch to fly unscratched. On perusing an Army Surplus catalog, he found that weather balloons could be bought. He bought 9 weather balloons and some bottles of helium. He inflated the balloons with the helium, tied them to a lawn chair, which he had tied to his truck, and got into the lawn chair with some sandwiches, a 6 pack and a 22 pistol. He cut his first tether, which allowed him to float up to about 10 ft. Satisfied with this result, he cut his tie down to the truck. He had expected that he would only float up a small way, and then he would come down by shooting the weather balloons one at a time. However, what happened is that he shot up very quickly to 10,000 feet, where he was too frightened to try his planned method of descent. In due time, the prevailing wind brought him into the LAX air space. He was spotted by a jet incoming to LAX who told the man in the tower, "You're not going to believe this, but there is a guy up here in a lawn chair with a gun." LAX was shut down, and the powers that be attempted to rescue the guy with a helicopter. Meanwhile the winds have carried the guy over the ocean. Whenever the helicopter gets close to the guy, the draft from the rotors scoot him along further. Finally, they did manage to retrieve him. When he landed into the welcoming arms of arresting police (for disrupting the airport) and asked why he did it, he said, "A man's got to do what a man's got to do."

    Frog gigging is shooting bullfrogs with a 22, usually done at night. A man going frog gigging found that he could replace a blown fuse in his truck with a 22 cartridge. The thing exploded and shot him in the testicles. On hearing of this, his wife said, "Did he get any frogs?"


  10. #10
    Blue Bead

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    Re: Darwin Awards


    ROTFLMAO!! the one about the "pilot"...hilarious! Do you have the link for the Darwin Awards?

    Mary C.

  11. #11

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    Re: Darwin Awards

    Dee and DPP--
    These are all just the kind of stories I love. "Did he get any frogs?" :rollin: A perfect wife response. Anyway, they remind me of the stories at the beginning of the movie "Magnolia" (I know, everybody hates the movie:lol: )

    For those of you who haven't seen the film (and don't want to):
    (1) A man worked in a pharmacy in the Green Berry Hill section of London. One night he is accosted by robbers and killed. The police catch the killers whose last names are Green, Berry, and Hill.

    (2) A scuba diver is diving in a lake near Reno, Nevada and gets scooped up by a fire plane that's getting water to put out a nearby forest fire. The scuba diver ends up dead of a heart attack on the top of a tree. Stranger still, the pilot of the plane had been playing blackjack at a table where the scuba diver had been a dealer. When the pilot, who is in the midst of a divorce and other life crises, finds out about the connection with the dead scuba diver/dealer, he kills himself.

    (3) A distraught young man, tired of his parents fighting, jumps off the roof of his building. Three stories below, his parents are fighting. His mother fires a shotgun at her husband, but the shotgun is never loaded--except, unbeknownst to her, this time it is. The mother misses the husband but hits an object falling past the window, ie, her son. The son does not hit the sidewalk because there is a safety net around the building because of construction, but he is dead of the shotgun wound accidentally inflicted by his mother. When investigated, the police find out that the young man had loaded the shotgun in hopes that one of his parents would shoot the other. The outcome: The mother was charged with involuntary manslaughter of her son and the son, though dead, was charged as an accomplice in his own death.

    Not great compared to the Darwin Awards, but I bet that's where the writer of the movie found them:D

  12. #12

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    Re: Darwin Awards

    I'm not Doris but here's the link to the Darwin Awards. :D

    <a href="" target="top"></a>

  13. #13

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    Re: Darwin Awards

    Thanks, Shadair! Definitely my kind of site:D

  14. #14

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    Your welcome . . . . :D

    To add to the quotes above:

    Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

    "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." :lol:

  15. #15

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    Re: Why people who speak in public are very brave

    I love it! Yeah, Hilary, and didn't we know it:lol: (I bet Hilary thinks "they" are still President.)

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