Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: A Few Laughs

  1. #1
    On Edge Piel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003

    0 Not allowed!

    A Few Laughs

    1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
    2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
    3. No one expects you to run a marathon.
    4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
    5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
    6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
    7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
    8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
    9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
    10. You keep hearing about other peoples operations.
    11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
    12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
    13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
    14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
    ! into the room.
    15. You sing along with elevator music.
    16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
    17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
    18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
    19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
    them either.
    20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
    21. You can't remember who sent you this list.

    1. Sag, You're it.
    2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
    3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
    4. Kick the bucket.
    5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
    6. Doc Goose.
    7. Simon says something incoherent.
    8. Hide and go pee.
    9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
    10. Musical recliners.

    1. You sell your home heating! system at a yard sale.
    2. Your husband jokes that instead of buyi ng a wood stove, he is using you
    to heat the family room this winter.
    Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
    3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
    4. "The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult
    gives you four hours of decent rest.
    5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
    6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on
    a field trip to Chippendale's.

    Chapter 4: SIGNS OF WEAR

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make
    love,"and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment You on your new
    alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your
    pacemaker opens the he garage door.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of
    your face.

    "OLD IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as
    long as you don't have to go along.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
    instead of by the police.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need
    to take any fiber today.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the
    parking lot.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee


  2. #2
    Bona Fide Member Joesitz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003

    0 Not allowed!
    Piel - So funny and so true. How about this oldie?

    You're old if you are no longer good looking but you are looking good.


  3. #3
    Da' Spellin' Homegirl Grgranny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003

    0 Not allowed!
    I am now the age where I can hide my own Easter eggs. (couldn't remember where I hid them)
    Grgranny, DEFINITELY!

  4. #4
    Arm Chair Skate Fan
    Join Date
    Jul 2003

    0 Not allowed!
    Piel...... 42

  5. #5
    On the Ice
    Join Date
    Aug 2003

    0 Not allowed!
    Hilarious! I enter my 40's next year and plan to do it with humor! This list helps! Thanks!!


    PS-Grgranny, hope your hiding the plastic ones filled with candy!

Similar Threads

  1. Under the Radar: Rohene Ward
    By gsk8 in forum 2005-06 Figure Skating archives
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 12-29-2005, 05:58 PM
  2. Word Usage for Mathman
    By rgirl181 in forum 2002-03 Figure Skating archives
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 04-22-2003, 02:21 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts