Ladies Restroom Mystery Finally Solved | Golden Skate

Ladies Restroom Mystery Finally Solved

Piel

On Edge
Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 27, 2003
Why is there always a longer line for the ladies restroom and why do they always go in pairs? The mystery that men have been trying to figure out for years is finally answered.


(from an e-mail received by a friend)

My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms. When I was a little girl,
she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the
seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat.
Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then
she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet
in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make
contact with the toilet seat. By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and
we'd have to go home to change my clothes. That was a long time ago. Even
now, in my more "mature years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to
maintain, especially when one's bladder is full.

When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women
that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Nelly's underwear in
there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also
crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet
under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you
dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to
find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new
fangled "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but
empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook if there was one but there
isn't - so you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck (mom would
turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants,!
and *** ume "The Stance."

Ahhhh, relief. More relief.

But then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit down but you
certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so
you hold "The Stance" as your thighs experience a quake that would register
an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off of your trembling
thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper
dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if
you would have tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no
toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that
you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That
would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still
smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the
latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your
neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against
the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,
tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly onto the
insidious toilet seat. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form
on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that
there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother
would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because you're certain that her
bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You
just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused
that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain that
suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to China. At that point, you
give up. You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try
to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out
inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the
faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a
dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged
and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely.

One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a
piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River! (Where
was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the
woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and exited the
men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging
around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a
public restroom (rest you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains
to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other
commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the
door
 

Blue Bead

Medalist
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
Ditto, sk8er1964. :laugh: :laugh:

Thanks, Piel, this is hilarious, and so true. I can really identify with the broken door latch and being intruded upon. :eek: :laugh: :laugh:
 

Grgranny

Da' Spellin' Homegirl
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
You forgot about all the kids looking under the door to see what you are doing.
 
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Pookie

Final Flight
Joined
Jul 27, 2003
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh my goodness, I thought I had the only mother in the world that did that (until I did it to my daughter of course. :D ) I've never hung my person around my neck, though. I never thought of it.

That was hilarious, Piel. And too true. :laugh: :laugh:
 
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Grgranny

Da' Spellin' Homegirl
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
I've hung my purse around my neck many times. I also have seat covers in my purse. :laugh:
 

CanuckSk8r

Rinkside
Joined
Aug 12, 2004
Hilarious!! :laugh: :laugh: Being a germ freak, I love hearing that I am not the only one that takes their life into their hands in the ladies room!
The "hoover" takes incredible strength that we should be commended for.... not to mention the skill when wearing heals, or adding alcohol in as a factor!!!!
Thanks for the chuckle!!!
..... now if only the aromas could be dealt with...... :\
 

Antilles

Medalist
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
I sometimes do the purse thing. Heck, I've done it in train stations with my travel bag. I've never had a problem with the "hover" though. I've got that down pat. (Except in trains. Movement gets tricky)
 

Ladskater

~ Figure Skating Is My Passion ~
Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 28, 2003
Piel:

Great! :laugh: I had a "restroom" incident myself last week after seeing "Vanity Fair" - my bladder was very full after consuming a large diet Pepsi. It was like an episode of Seinfeldt. Remember when Elaine uses the stall and there is no tp? well, yours truly experienced that!!!!! I kept thinking of Elaine as I gingerly made my way to the next stall to snap up some tp. As the cleaning lady entered the restroom when I was washing my hands, I told her about the situation. Was I glad to get out of there!!!!
 

mariana

On the Ice
Joined
Aug 18, 2003
The absolute worst for me was when I had to trable by bus to a city that was 1.300 km from my home, the ladies room was minuscule, so betwwen the movement of the bus and the tiny space it was absolute imposible to avoid touching de toilet seat. :eek:
 

heyang

Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
During college, we were out for happy hour (of course). My friend & I went to the rest room together (of course). She took the 1st stall and didn't see me move 2 stalls beyond hers. Well, I finished and was washing my hands and heard her say 'Can you give me some tp?' I said 'Sure, hold on.' Her reply 'Thanks'. After drying off my hands, I went back into my stall, grabbed several squares of tp, and then draped the streamer of tp over the door. 'There you go'. She responds 'You already gave me enough'. Then a voice comes through from the middle stall and says ' No, I did. You're welcome'.
 

Ladskater

~ Figure Skating Is My Passion ~
Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 28, 2003
If you have ever had to use an Outhouse than you know what luxury a restroom is!!! When I was a little girl we used to go to Alberta to visit my Grandmother - in the days when she had no running water and no bathroom - we had to go out to the outhouse to do you know what!!! Believe me many times my mom and I dashed behind an old automobile. Visiting the outhouse especially at night was not a pleasant experience. Nor in the dead of winter - forty below!!!!
So running out of TP at the movie theatre was not my worst washroom experience! :laugh:
 

Vash01

Medalist
Joined
Jul 31, 2003
Grgranny said:
I've hung my purse around my neck many times. I also have seat covers in my purse. :laugh:

What a great idea! I am going to 'borrow' a couple of seat covers and stuff them in my purse, so that whatever empty space is left in it will be filled :laugh

P.S.I always carry some 'clean' tissue in the purse.

Vash
 

Grgranny

Da' Spellin' Homegirl
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
I bought a couple of those packages of covers and still have quite a few left. If you keep them in your purse, fold them up and put them in a plastic bag as they get all torn up in your purse. It also helps to go ahead and tear the little tabs when you put them in the bag so if there are people waiting they don't have to wait longer waiting for you to tear those up. Also, I usually carry a small bar of soap in my purse too. Lots of places don't have soap. yuk
 

show 42

Arm Chair Skate Fan
Record Breaker
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
I must admit I also carry a pack of seat protectors in my purse. I bought them at the pharmacy and the pack is the size of a pack of tissues.........very handy........great thread, a by the way......... :) 42
 

Mrs Redboots

On the Ice
Joined
Sep 20, 2004
The worst thing about those loos is no towels - only those dreadful hot-air machines that do absolutely nothing at all to dry your hands. Sigh....
 
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