Practical advice for changing coach/club?

[SmallAminal]

My young skater wants to quit and I suspect that there are a few factors, but the two that I might be able to control are:
1) The coach
2) The training facility


I am not one to push my child to do something they absolutely don't want to do, but I have heard from many parents that sometimes a change of coach and/or training environment is what they need to fall in love with the sport again. Mine appears to still be very interested in everything figure skating, except does not want to go to practice anymore.

My skater is a very young boy (competing, but still lower-level), so lack of any other boys on the ice is an issue for him. I think the coaching relationship has also broken down and what worked in the beginning transition to figure skating might not be the right fit for his age and disposition going forward.

A few parents have suggested to just change the coach, but that doesn't address the lack of boys. My inclination would be to make a bigger change where he has the right coaching *and* feels like he isn't so lonely out there on the ice. Meeting other boys at competitions is a big deal for him because he doesn't get that interaction at our club.

Does anyone have any practical advice/experiences on how to find out in more detail about the overall culture of a club (not just how one particular coach is?) Do you call up the Skating Director at a club and talk to them about the situation? Do you reach out to a coach at a club? For a boy, what are the things that I should be asking and/or looking for both in a club and a coach? Is it even appropriate to start cold calling coaches at other clubs? I don't come from competitive figure skating myself, so this is all new to me.

We sort of fell into the current club and coaching situation by default because that is where my skater started learning to skate. There was very little guidance on how to find a coach other than "they all have their emails posted - see who wants to take your kid."

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

My young skater wants to quit and I suspect that there are a few factors, but the two that I might be able to control are:
1) The coach
2) The training facility


I am not one to push my child to do something they absolutely don't want to do, but I have heard from many parents that sometimes a change of coach and/or training environment is what they need to fall in love with the sport again. Mine appears to still be very interested in everything figure skating, except does not want to go to practice anymore.

My skater is a very young boy (competing, but still lower-level), so lack of any other boys on the ice is an issue for him. I think the coaching relationship has also broken down and what worked in the beginning transition to figure skating might not be the right fit for his age and disposition going forward.

A few parents have suggested to just change the coach, but that doesn't address the lack of boys. My inclination would be to make a bigger change where he has the right coaching *and* feels like he isn't so lonely out there on the ice. Meeting other boys at competitions is a big deal for him because he doesn't get that interaction at our club.

Does anyone have any practical advice/experiences on how to find out in more detail about the overall culture of a club (not just how one particular coach is?) Do you call up the Skating Director at a club and talk to them about the situation? Do you reach out to a coach at a club? For a boy, what are the things that I should be asking and/or looking for both in a club and a coach? Is it even appropriate to start cold calling coaches at other clubs? I don't come from competitive figure skating myself, so this is all new to me.

We sort of fell into the current club and coaching situation by default because that is where my skater started learning to skate. There was very little guidance on how to find a coach other than "they all have their emails posted - see who wants to take your kid."

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

At some point you are going to have to straight talk with your son about it to see if he is even open to going to a new club and trying again in a more male-driven/friendly environment. Whether that is before or after you call some skating directors to chat is on you, because I don't know your son and only you can make that call.

Why I say before or after is because if you do it before then that would let you know if he wants to all together.
I said after because you might be able to talk to a few directors who might have the environment he needs and will invite you both in to check it out and that might be a positive motivator to keep your child skating and want to try at one of those places.

I hope this makes sense. If you want to PM me where I can go into more detail, feel free.


Good luck!

 

[concorde]

I have a girl skater but this is what I have observed for those parents with male skaters.

Certain rinks seem to attract male skaters so I would seek them out. On the East Coast, a good example is the Skating Club of Wilmington (Delaware). From what I have observed, they have a high number of both male coaches and skaters.

If that is not possible, I would at least try to make sure my son had a male coach.

Good luck!

 

[VegMom]

My son skates too!

We actively try to arrange ways for the boys to skate together. This year is the first that our rink has had a group of boys to do an all boy segment in the holiday show [emoji3] but we had to arrange it because they’re different levels. If we’d just gone along with the program as usual then the boys would have been spread out more. My point is that we have to get vocal about it.

But as for your son wanting to quit - when my son says this, often all he needs is a break. He either needs a day off or a public skate session where he’ll receive compliments from random strangers who don’t know how to skate. It’s an ego boost that helps get him back in the groove. That and he likes pop music so public skate is fun for him and not stressful like training is. Could this be an issue for your son?

Also, they are young but the sexist and heterosexist stuff happens even now. My kiddo told me last night about some stupid stuff kids at school say that makes him want to hide a few of his interests. We had a good long chat about it and he’s well aware that “some kids are stupid about what’s for girls and what’s for boys. Most things are for either or both and those kids are just wrong. “ is this happening with your son? Can you talk about it?

I’d say go visit the other rinks during freestyle and talk to other parents about the boys who practice there to get a feel for them. But also maybe just changing practice times could help? Sometimes it’s not about who else is on the ice but rather about other factors like who is in the bathrooms or locker rooms. Example: my son hates the hockey kids. He thinks they’re mean and stupid. So it would probably be bad if he had to practice constantly at times when they’re flooding the lobby and bathrooms.

 

[VegMom]

In this vein of thought - I often wish there were some all boys competitions because it’s so frustrating trying to find adequate competition. My son recently was at a competition where there were 20 girls in the same event level and just him and one other boy. So far he always either has to compete against girls or only has one boy competitor. So far, it’s never a group of 5 or 6 boys all competing at the same level. They’re all spread out. We’re still new to this and have only been to 5 competitions. But they were in 4 different states and it’s the same story everywhere we go in our region.

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

In this vein of thought - I often wish there were some all boys competitions because it’s so frustrating trying to find adequate competition. My son recently was at a competition where there were 20 girls in the same event level and just him and one other boy. So far he always either has to compete against girls or only has one boy competitor. So far, it’s never a group of 5 or 6 boys all competing at the same level. They’re all spread out. We’re still new to this and have only been to 5 competitions. But they were in 4 different states and it’s the same story everywhere we go in our region.

It happens because there are more girls than boys in this sport. After a certain level, then there will be divided competitive categories. The ratio of males to females in figure skating makes it a bit easier for males to succeed.

 

[gkelly]

Check out the Icemen page at USFS:
http://usfigureskating.org/story?id=89983

You have to pay to join the network -- you might want additional information about whether it would be worth it for your son's skating level.

There's a list posted of Icemen Designated Competitions from the summer 2017 season. The intro blurb says they will do something similar for 2018.

Good luck.

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

Erm...not to ruin anyone's day here or anything but am I the only one here that didn't fail to realize that the OP is in CANADA?!?? USFS networks are not going to help them.

 

[SmallAminal]

Erm...not to ruin anyone's day here or anything but am I the only one here that didn't fail to realize that the OP is in CANADA?!?? USFS networks are not going to help them.

LOL, yes we are in Canada but we've actually been in the US for competitions before. It is still interesting to hear how things are different or not in the US and what's going on with boys in figure skating.

 

[SmallAminal]

But as for your son wanting to quit - when my son says this, often all he needs is a break. He either needs a day off or a public skate session where he’ll receive compliments from random strangers who don’t know how to skate. It’s an ego boost that helps get him back in the groove. That and he likes pop music so public skate is fun for him and not stressful like training is. Could this be an issue for your son?
.

Its hard to figure out exactly what the issue is - some of it could be that he's not ready (emotionally not mature enough) to handle the demands of figure skating or it could just be that the coaching/training environment doesn't work for him or align with his emotional development. It could be a little of both - he is quite young and some children need more time to mature intellectually and emotionally to deal with something that requires intense attention to detail and lots of repetition. There was some stuff that his coach asked him to learn that I knew would be a disaster because he can't pay attention enough to do it - I told the coach but they went ahead anyway and everyone got frustrated and there were many tears. This is why I think the coaching could be at least a major contributor to the problem. I am not sure the coach understands what his mental and emotional limitations are and that he may need more time to "grow-up" before he can handle certain things.

Also, they are young but the sexist and heterosexist stuff happens even now. My kiddo told me last night about some stupid stuff kids at school say that makes him want to hide a few of his interests. We had a good long chat about it and he’s well aware that “some kids are stupid about what’s for girls and what’s for boys. Most things are for either or both and those kids are just wrong. “ is this happening with your son? Can you talk about it?
.

Yep, we are getting plenty of that already. We talk about it a lot and I know it bothers him - I can only hope he's strong enough to weather it but I make sure to support him as much as I can. This is also why I think it would help to be around other boys - they can support each other and also see that other boys enjoy the sport. The more I think about it, the more I think my particular skater would benefit from being at a club with other boys.

 

[concorde]

When my daughter was about 6, she would get hysterical during some MIF lessons. It got so bad that the coach eventually fired us. We later found a new coach and the personalities worked.

I am a firm believer that the personalities between the coach and a young skater should be a parent's #1 concern. If the child is not happy, the child will want to quit - and that is true regardless of the activity.

Sounds like it may be time to find a new coach.

 

[Alex D]

I am not a figure skating coach, nor do I teach boys.

But with the girls I coach in football, a good relationship between them and myself, is very important. They can tell me anything, even if they don´t like something, they will speak up. They are also allowed to offer ideas for our training camps, or if they might want to try a new position. This gives them the feeling of being a part of something, it motivates them to come to practice, as they are not just playing football, but also kind of build the team / club.

In my opinion as a coach, this is very important in young age. But we also offer activities outside of the club, like we make foot parties (barbeque), travel to games and so on.

Why do I say that. Well, I do say that, as I believe that your local club might not offer these activities and if you look for a different club, you could ask them about such activities. Sport in young age, is also about friendship between the kids, as they will spent a lot of time together. If you said that your boy feels lonely, as there are no other kids of his age, then trying to change this could improve the situation. That being said, it is important to talk to him about this.

I know boys are a bit quiet, that´s why I coach the girls - it´s easier

I don´t think the club you look for, must be all about boys though. But this depends on your kid. I always enjoyed the company of girls at young age, I still do with the Ladies. But I also know that some boys tend to dislike girls prior puperty


So to sum up,

talk to your boy first and if he really loses interest because of the lack of activities with others, try to find a club that offers them. Coaching is not only at the club, it´s more than this. At least, by my coaching philosophy in football.

 

[VegMom]

Its hard to figure out exactly what the issue is - some of it could be that he's not ready (emotionally not mature enough) to handle the demands of figure skating or it could just be that the coaching/training environment doesn't work for him or align with his emotional development. It could be a little of both - he is quite young and some children need more time to mature intellectually and emotionally to deal with something that requires intense attention to detail and lots of repetition. There was some stuff that his coach asked him to learn that I knew would be a disaster because he can't pay attention enough to do it - I told the coach but they went ahead anyway and everyone got frustrated and there were many tears. This is why I think the coaching could be at least a major contributor to the problem. I am not sure the coach understands what his mental and emotional limitations are and that he may need more time to "grow-up" before he can handle certain things.

I’ve seen it in a lot of sports that many coaches have no concept of child development. Many coaches are very much “my way or the highway.” A lot of kids drop out or just get pushed out of sports because of this.

But some coaches have just the right touch. Or they have the right intuition even if they haven’t studied child development. I think you might be right about switching in order to find the right personality fit for your kid.

Switching, from what I’ve heard, can be really tricky. I’ve heard from other parents that they encountered a lot of drama when they switched coaches and/or clubs. Just be careful and thoughtful about it, is all I’m saying.

Can you maybe test the theory somehow by arranging for a few lessons with other coaches?

 

[Curlygirly81]

Where in Canada are you.. Province, city? If you're in Ontario I can suggest a few.

 

[SmallAminal]

Where in Canada are you.. Province, city? If you're in Ontario I can suggest a few.

Thanks Curlygirly81. Sent you a PM. We are in the GTA.

 

[silver.blades]

If you're in the GTA, then I can give you a rundown of the clubs in the area. I'm a coach and have been involved in some capacity with most of them at some point. They all have their pros and cons, depending on exactly what you are looking for.

With regards to changing coaches, it sounds like that is something worth looking into in your case before switching clubs. Just make sure that everything is above board with your current coach. Let them know that you are actively looking for someone new. When and if you do change coaches, make sure to let your old coach know. There is nothing worse than finding out you've lost a student by seeing their name on a test or competition list you didn't put them on.

You are fully within your rights to contact every coach on a club's list and interview them about your skater. You'll have trouble finding a club that will give you much help outside of telling you the coaches qualifications and specialties. For the club to get involved is usually toeing the ethics line as most clubs hire coaches as independent contractors and therefore aren't really supposed to get involved in a private business transaction. The exception is some of the higher level clubs where the coaches are considered employees.

 

[Vanshilar]

My kiddo told me last night about some stupid stuff kids at school say that makes him want to hide a few of his interests. We had a good long chat about it and he’s well aware that “some kids are stupid about what’s for girls and what’s for boys. Most things are for either or both and those kids are just wrong. “ is this happening with your son? Can you talk about it?

If you had told 13-year-old me "how would you like to spend several hours a day exercising with a bunch of fit, attractive girls where you're the center of attention because there's so few boys around" I know what my answer would've been

Sadly, there were no rinks near where I lived growing up (closest one would've been around 40 minutes away, and we didn't have the money anyway). Instead, I went into choir and piano, and later gymnastics and cheerleading. Then figure skating later in life. Oh well.

 

[JSM]

Coaching young boys is completely different than coaching young girls, and many coaches don't have experience with boys simply because there are so few of them.

I think it would be very worth it to find a coach experienced in working with boys, as I've seen that make a big difference in a young skater's life.

 

[Sibelius]

If you had told 13-year-old me "how would you like to spend several hours a day exercising with a bunch of fit, attractive girls where you're the center of attention because there's so few boys around" I know what my answer would've been

Sadly, there were no rinks near where I lived growing up (closest one would've been around 40 minutes away, and we didn't have the money anyway). Instead, I went into choir and piano, and later gymnastics and cheerleading. Then figure skating later in life. Oh well.

My daughter started ballet this year. One afternoon a 16ish boy came in and started stretching. In NANOSECONDS he was literally surrounded by at least 10 girls (not mine, she's still little!) peppering him with questions. It was amazing to watch. I felt a little sorry for the kid for about 10 seconds, and then thought, lucky kid. They're desperate for partners, boys are FREE for the first year.

As far as skating, at one rink she skates at there are very few boys. In fact now that she's in FS5-7 class there are none, maybe 2-3 with private coaches. At the other rink there are a few more. Between both rinks I think there's 6 male coaches. Funny thing is that two of the most sought after private hockey coaches here are former figure skaters, who happen to be women!

 

[SmallAminal]

If you had told 13-year-old me "how would you like to spend several hours a day exercising with a bunch of fit, attractive girls where you're the center of attention because there's so few boys around" I know what my answer would've been
ll.

Maybe my little guy will feel that way at 13 but for now he's 7 and probably not quite as excited by the prospect of so much female attention. He doesn't hate girls (like some boys his age) but he's not really interested in their attention other than the ones he genuinely wants to be friends with. My husband tried to tell him that one day he'll "really appreciate all of the pretty girls around him" but aside from totally NOT being the message I think we should be giving our son about women, it was really not of interest to my son.