Skating and parenting?

[ehirata]

Hi everyone!

I am 31 and have been skating since I was 12, with about a 10-year break during my college/early adult years. I currently don't have any children, but my husband and I are now in discussions about planning a family. I am curious to know from all the parents out there -- especially mothers with young children -- what has your experience been like juggling skating (for you, as the skater) and children? Have you had to give up skating entirely? If not, how long did you have to stop skating temporarily before returning (such as, how long did you wait before going back to skating after giving birth?)? And how have you been able to keep skating as one of the priorities in your life while also having young children? How long did it take for your body to "relearn" skating after pregnancy?

If you can tell, I definitely don't want to have to give up skating while being a parent, but I honestly don't read/hear much about parents who skate and how they manage it all. So this makes me think that most parents (specifically moms) quit skating or vastly reduce their skating after having kids. Right now I skate 4-6 hours a week and would like to maintain this after having kids, but is this even possible? Just for context, I also work fulltime and would likely need to continue this after having kids. Would love to hear your experiences, thoughts, and advice!

Thanks all!

 

[1111bm]

I myself don't have kids but many of my fellow skaters do, so I wouldn't say that it's true that one has to quit after becoming a mom. We have several moms with somewhat older kids and several new moms with a baby, currently figuring it out for themselves.

But it's really hard to predict how much time you will still be able to devote to skating, because it depends on so many factors:
- How many children you have
- How old they are
- How 'needy' they are. Some children are fine staying home alone for a few hours when they reach a certain age, but others may be more clingy because they're scared on their own. But also some babies may struggle with cutting the cord so-to-speak, so you can't stay away for too long, things like that. Or even if you take them with you, some children may still need a lot of attention or cry, while others will just play in the background or sleep
- Whether your children have hobbies of their own where you will need to drive them to or even attend/be there in the background, taking away time that you could have otherwise devoted to your own skating
- Your babysitter-situation, such as grandparents/family helping out, your partner's schedule and willingness to take care of the child/children when you're away on a regular basis, but also maybe people at the rink who might be willing to have an eye on your baby/child while you're skating, so you could take your child with you (f.i. parents of children who skate that you're friendly with)

What I observe is, that the ones who care about skating a lot and are determined to make it work, are able to continue doing so. But it looks like a lot of hassle and sacrifice from what I observe, and they regularly can't attend a session because they simply can't find the time, especially with younger children, because they have their needs and naturally don't care about your schedule. They often come late to a session or in the middle of it, or they have to leave earlier, things like that (they're all also working moms). They're also a lot more tired than before, in the first year especially, so their training might not be as fruitful, but that goes without saying.
Obviously it gets better the older the children are, and many of my friends have their children skate too, so they can turn it into a joint endeavour.

I don't wanna sound too negative here, this is just a sample from my training group/club.

 

[Elija]

I know several - their children also skate or play hockey. It can definitely be done. I know one who got her jumps all back each time after having a kid. Depending on the flexibility of your job, perhaps you can skate during the day while the kids are at preschool/school. I think that would be the best option. May be harder while the baby is very young though obviously, so assume you might have to take a bit of time off.

One of the people I mentioned competed while in early pregnancy too, and I believe it’s safe to skate well into pregnancy if you’re being careful. I imagine the centre of balance would be way off though haha! Probably best to speak with a doctor about what would be best for you specifically though.

 

[1111bm]

One of the people I mentioned competed while in early pregnancy too, and I believe it’s safe to skate well into pregnancy if you’re being careful. I imagine the centre of balance would be way off though haha!

I talked to a pregnant skater once and she told me that it's risky after a certain point, not because you struggle so much with the baby belly and centre of balance, but because your ligaments and muscles loosen during pregnancy in preparation for the birth, so there's a higher risk of injury because your joints get loose.

One of our 'crazy' adult skaters (you had to practically drag her of the ice after a training session and she would be at every available session) skated for a scarily long time into her pregnancy, though. Probably until the 8th month...?
Many skaters I know stopped skating early in their pregnancy, because they didn't wanna risk falling onto their stomach.

 

[Elija]

I talked to a pregnant skater once and she told me that it's risky after a certain point, not because you struggle so much with the baby belly and centre of balance, but because your ligaments and muscles loosen during pregnancy in preparation for the birth, so there's a higher risk of injury because your joints get loose.

One of our 'crazy' adult skaters (you had to practically drag her of the ice after a training session and she would be at every available session) skated for a scarily long time into her pregnancy, though. Probably until the 8th month...?
Many skaters I know stopped skating early in their pregnancy, because they didn't wanna risk falling onto their stomach.

Wow, yeah 8 months is pretty crazy! By well into pregnancy I was thinking more like 4-5 months, not 8!! I guess everyone is different though, so best to have medical advice.

 

[ladyjane]

Funny. I had a skating lesson just this evening, and was talking to my trainer/coach because of a little problem I had with a certain element. And she said 'your brain knows perfectly well what to do, but your body is still doing something else. Only practice, practice, paractice will resolve this. Every time after bearing a child the same thing happened to me: my brain knew, but my body refused." She continued in stating that every birth made the brain-body connection more difficult and it took longer to get it back. But she always got it back, and continued to skate. Also, that it demanded a lot of organisation when the children were young, but it didn't stop her skating. Just that she had problems getting back in shape due to this mentioned disconnection, but not that it it prevented her from skating. Her kids are adults now, and she's still doing it!

 

[NanaPat]

Many years ago, I went cross-country skiing when 6 months pregnant. At one point I fell forward, and I instinctively put out an arm to protect my stomach. Fortunately the snow was fairly soft and the arm went in up to the shoulder, with no injury. Now, if I had been on ice ...

So no, I don't recommend skating when very pregnant.

 

[kolyadafan2002]

It all depends on if you can get alternative childcare during the skating periods (even if it means one of the spectating parents takes care of your child). If so, then 6hours a week is definitely doable.

 

[MiraiFan]

I say go for it--quite a few skaters at our rink have kids. Once they are older they bring them for lessons and practice during that time. It's healthy to have interests in addition to your kids. I have a friend who won adult nationals a few years ago and she was jumping doubles into her second trimester, but she's skated her whole life. You can probably safely practice edges and stuff for a while, but obviously listen to your doctor.

 

[JSM]

I have a toddler, work full time, and coach part time. I’ll say that my practice time on ice has severely decreased - from 5-6 hours weekly to 1-2. Off ice time is limited too. I am not happy about the lack of “me time” but I make due the best I can. It’s par for the course when you have young children, covid reduced ice time, and an unsupportive spouse!

I can’t do all my elements after pregnancy that I could before, but despite the body changes, it’s more due to lack of practice and coaching than the baby. I thought skating was expensive before I had to pay for daycare, haha! Hard work, good instruction, and repetition will get you back into form. Many elite skaters regain their triples after babies!

Everyone is different, every family is different, every baby is different, so your circumstances will be your own.

edit: Skating during pregnancy is different for everyone! Listen to your body and doctor. I stopped practicing early on due to constant nausea, but coached until I couldn’t squeeze my feet into skates anymore.

 

[ausal]

You sound like me! If you love skating, keep doing it. When my babies were young, I skated in the early am and was home as they were waking up for the day (my husband was home and my babies were always good sleepers). Or a babysitter. I was lucky enough to work a flexible schedule that allowed me to also be flexible with skating. I understand that childcare choices are different for everyone, but for me, it was worth it. Skating gives me mental and physical health, and my kids need me to be mentally and physically healthy.

When they got a little older, I would bundle them up and put them in the penalty box with a portable dvd (I'm dating myself), for no more than an hour. THey were happy and I was right there if they needed me.

Sometimes we would go to public skate as a family, and I would skate with the kids some and also practice some.

I taught my kids to skate, but neither of them liked it.....I guess it must skip a generation.

In terms of returning to skate after having a baby, it depends on many factors. For an uncomplicated natural delivery, you can skate as soon as you feel healed. For a c-section, you are activity restricted for usually a minimum of 6 weeks. For a delivery complicated by hemorrhage or infection, the recovery period will reflect the severity of the complication. Your body will change after having a baby. Your body will also change if you don't have a baby but just.... keep... getting....older. So have kids if you want them and keep doing what you love. Your body will adapt.

As a physician myself, I find it hard to believe that any doctor or midwife would give the green light to skating while pregnant for all the reasons listed above. A health care provider who has cleared a patient to skate while pregnant may not understand the demands or the mechanics of the sport.

 

[ehirata]

Thank you all! Everyone's comments have been super insightful.

 

[hughes]

I didn't start skating until my kids were school age- and in retrospect, I wish I'd spent less energy focused on skating and more on them. For a few years I skated 4-5 sessions a week while also working full-time as a single parent. You can only stretch yourself so thin. Now they are grown up and I can skate all I want, but I can't get that time back. I did put them in LTS, but they weren't that into it. As other posters said, the amount of skating you can fit in your life will vary greatly depending on your health, finances, work schedule, support of your partner, and your children. All I would say is whatever you choose, choose something that you won't regret 18 years down the line (which I know sounds like forever but trust me it's not.)

 

[tinna]

I would not worry too much about returning to skating after having a baby. Women's bodies are amazing and are made to do this, they bounce back. The strong core from skating will help you with that.

I have two kids, I work full time (from home) and am able to fit three to four skating sessions into my week. It depends on how supportive your husband is, if you have access to baby-sitters etc.

The most important thing about continuing to skate as a mom is giving your children a positive role model: they need to know that their mom can do amazing things, like jump and spin and enjoy sports. This is far more important than people realize. Children learn by imitation. Don't sacrifice your love for skating over your kids, show them that interesting hobbies and a healthy sporty lifestyle are important. They will thank you for it later.
Good luck!