Changing coaches within a club - Advice?

[skatemom0810]

My daughter has been skating for 3.5 years. She's been with one of her coaches that entire time, and the other for 2 years. Coach A only coaches one day a week now. We are not able to skate with her any additional days/times due to her limited schedule. Coach B coaches full-time. We currently skate twice a week with B.

Things can be hit or miss with B. My daughter is admittedly not a super easy student. She has some behavioral related special needs. She works very hard and absolutely loves to skate, however she's not going to be the next big thing. We're not shooting for the big time. We want skating to be something that she enjoys and allows her to make goals and achieve them. Both coaches are aware and have been on board with the plan. Coach B has a variety of students through the levels and she has a close knit relationship with her students. My daughter seemed like one of her "family" until the last few months. B has a few newer students who are my daughter's age, but far more talented and at a higher skill level. I've noticed the favoritism that she displays towards these students over the last little while but have shielded my daughter from it. Unfortunately it's starting to become very obvious, and my daughter has now taken notice. It started a couple of weeks ago when B asked if she could change my daughter's lesson day/time. It wasn't a problem, but I brought daughter to the rink at her usual time so that she could practice on her own. B was teaching one of her new little stars after telling me she couldn't take my daughter due to an appointment. When she saw us you'd think she saw a ghost. Coach B also hosts some off-ice classes for her students. Daughter has done a few over the last couple of years, but not consistently due to scheduling conflicts. We finally figured out a schedule that would allow daughter to do them weekly, but now B doesn't seem to want her to participate. When daughter asks if there's going to be class she hesitates and makes excuses as to why daughter can't join, like it's cancelled ... and then posts to social media video clips and pictures from the class. Or that it's for the more advanced kids, and then posts videos with kids below my daughter's level in the class. So it's pretty clear at this point that daughter is not wanted. I'm heartbroken for my daughter, she loves B and looks up to her. I'm fiercely protective of daughter due to her special needs and her history of being bullied and excluded in school and other activities. I absolutely cannot let an adult woman do this to her.

I obviously need to find a new coach. I do like our club, it's in a nice location and there are a lot of coaches. I have no experience with figure skating outside of daughter's participation. I don't have any other contacts at other clubs to reach out to. I do have a couple of coaches at our club that I think would be a good fit. I'm not sure the proper way to go about contacting them. Is there some kind of etiquette I need to follow? In large clubs will coaches take on another coache's students if they are no longer with them? Coach B lost another student last year to a similar favoritism issue but they left skating completely so I don't know if she tried other coaches or just moved on to another activity.

Sorry this is so long. Any advice would be great. Thank you!

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

As you've stated it seems like Coach B is excluding your daughter on purpose and that is wrong and the way she is doing so is very deceptive IMHO.

IDK where you live (you don't have to tell me or if you feel comfortable you can PM me), but depending on the club, you may either have the option of going right to the other coach when they are not busy nor with another student or email/call them. Or as many clubs do: You may have to talk to the skating director in order to find out about the possibility of switching to another coach and if one is available to take her as a student.

If it was me, and you do have a skating director, I would be discreetly bringing Coach B's behaviour to their attention. They need to know these kind of people are working in their club and the way they are behaving and carrying themselves.

I am sorry that this is happening to your daughter. I hope she keeps her love of the sport and you can resolve everything and get her working with a kind, understanding coach who wants to coach her and not treat her in the wrong manner.

Good luck!

 

[treesprite]

You should definitely talk to the skating director about B's behavior. It is clearly intentional exclusion, though it is hard to know what is motivating the excluding. I work with IDD adults in my FT job, and my PT job is at a rink where inclusion and accessibility are really emphasized, so it really disturbs me to hear about an individual being put at the bottom of the list , avoided, or ignored. Those things can sometimes be worse than being teased or "made fun of", because they are more likely to come from people in authority, caregiving, or teaching roles.

 

[likevelvet]

:scowl: Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter being excluded. It's one thing to get that behavior from mean kids, but no child should experience it from grown-ups they look up to. Add me to the list of those recommending you go to the skating director, even if you don't necessarily have to to switch coaches. But let me add that the skating director will also be helpful in making the transition painless, so you shouldn't agonize over it. It's not a big deal at this age, I don't think. You pay for club services so your daughter is entitled to the best experience she can get, and that includes the right coaching fit.

Good luck!

 

[SmallAminal]

Sorry that you are going through this. Its disappointing when adults have no regard for the feelings of children. Assuming that it wouldn't be uncomfortable for you (or your daughter) to stay at the club and possible see the old coach around, you should have no problem approaching other coaches or going through the skating director. I would really think about whether your daughter will be OK seeing the old coach around - for us we had to just leave the club entirely and based on what I've heard when another student left, I'm glad I did.

I'm not excusing this in any way, but perhaps there was some pressure from the other parents? I know that some parents didn't want my kid on the same session as their high level kids (even though it was a lower level session) and had approached the skating director to have my kid booted off. Sometimes I think this sport can bring out the worst in people.

There are some coaches out there that truly embrace working with children who have special needs and some who really enjoy it. I've seen some coaches really develop great connections with these kids but its definitely a special gift that they have. I hope you find one of these coaches as your daughter certainly deserves it.

 

[dicemom]

We are going though a similar thing with our daughter, but unfortunately from what I can see, it gets worse as time goes by. Another important thing is to try to find out if coach a or b works with the new coach you are considering, if you want to keep one of them. Another thing SmallAnimal said, "will your daughter be ok with seeing the old coach"? Will she want and understand why the change is needed? I have tried in every way to explain to my daughter why a change is necessary and she just does not understand, and goes back to why can't we keep things the way they are....But like what you said this distant behavior has slowly being progressing for a few months now. We can see it before our kids can, but when our kids notice it, thats a big problem, and it hurts their confidence and overall attitude. From what you are saying coach B has already let your daughter go, so just be honest and tell her how you feel, most likely she will tell you it's fine, or adjust her attitude and try to continue working with your daughter because of not wanting to loose the business. This is what happened to us but I think I am just being strung along. The only solution I see is going some where else. I honestly wish I was able to get my daughter into another activity, but she also has personality issues and focus issues. Skating is the only thing she likes. I am sorry I do not think I am helping.