- Joined
- Dec 18, 2003
Rgirl..
You have such a good way with words. You can speak for me any time!!
It took me lots of years to realize that sometimes the best way to help save someone else from a mistake is to share the truth about my own mistakes. So if sharing my experience helps one reader of GS, or one loved one of a GS reader then it's worth it. And I will again reiterate that I do NOT know if Pang has an ED so I won't even mention her name again. However, my thoughts and best hopes are with her just in case.
I can easily see how ED's can get started for young athletes. Especially if they are in a training environment where weight management is highly promoted. I'm not suggesting that healthy weight management is not important to competitive athletes because it certainly is. We've all seen examples of figure skaters (as one athlete example) get out of shape and over weight, and have seen their performances negatively impacted by that. Tonya Harding and Nicole Bobek come to mind as possibly having had that problem from time to time IIRC.
As RGirl points out, there is a HUGE difference between consciouly dieting (even to the point of being too thin) and an eating disorder. One involves rigourous dicipline (even if it's stupid) and the other involves a very twisted mental state that is NOT in touch with reality.
Here's how my ED got started. I was a competitive young athlete. I didn't train with others in my sport, but "dieting" became a very popular thing to do in my early High School years. It seemed that "everyone" was on a diet, so I should be on a diet too. Being the competitive sort, I guess at some point I decided I would win the diet contest. Can you see how this could happen in a training environment where weight management is emphasized?
Something absolutely snapped in my head. I already mentioned what I saw in the mirror that was NOT reality. But it seemed real to me. My relationship with food was NOT realistic. It was not nutrition, it was not even comfort, it was MY ENEMY. Meals became a game of getting away from the table (or avoiding the table entirely) while eating as little as possible. A successful meal was convincing others I ate something, when I actually ate NOTHING AT ALL. That was a gold medal performance. The comment about spitting out food really struck home to me. One of my many "tricks" to win my game was putting food in my mouth, going to the bathroom, spitting it out and flushing it. Napkins can be used for this purpose too. I felt "lucky" that we had a little dog at home. He figured out that sitting by my chair was the very best spot around the table.
Isn't this TWISTED????? But try to imagine being in a mental place where this behavior seems appropriate, and even victorious. If you're saying to yourself THAT is SICK then you are getting my point because you are right.
Back in those days, ED's were little known. Mom didn't have a clue what the heck was wrong with me. We had not yet arrived at the era where this sicko behavior would have prompted a trip to the local shrink. I was very lucky that whatever "snapped" in the first place somehow "snapped back" into place. I have no idea how or why that happened, but I thank God it did before I starved myself to death.
That experience has affected me in ways I know for sure, and probably in other ways I only suspect, or don't even know about. In reading RGirl's medical information, I wonder if my deteriorating spine (back surgery 2 years ago) might have started way back then. I know my relationship with food is still not right to this day. I've gone the other extreme and now have a tough time exhibiting any dicipline at all over my eating. It's like a rebellion is still going on somewhere in my brain - sort of like self preservation or something.
At any rate, ITA with RGirl that while NO coach, teacher, federation, parent or anyone else in their right mind would encourage and promote eating disorders intentionally, it's a VERY personal thing that is mental. And in an environment where young people for whatever reason are focusing intently on weight management it can happen. I can see it happening even more easily in a competitive environment. And once an ED takes hold, the person with the ED becomes very clever at hiding the sicko food behaviors. It's the physical symptoms that are the easiest to spot.
And for an athlete, not only is there physical evidence in appearance, but also performance. Let's face it. If you are eating little to nothing, you become very weak. I sure did.
And I hope that parents, relatives etc. don't EVER assume that because a child is under the supervision of coaches, nutritional experts, etc. that an ED SURELY couldn't happen. ED's are often cleverly hidden, in spite of the outward symptoms until it's too late. It becomes a very secretive life style.
It's hard to imagine what this is like mentally if you've never gone through it. For any of you who are trying to understand and relate, I hope this helps.
DG
You have such a good way with words. You can speak for me any time!!
It took me lots of years to realize that sometimes the best way to help save someone else from a mistake is to share the truth about my own mistakes. So if sharing my experience helps one reader of GS, or one loved one of a GS reader then it's worth it. And I will again reiterate that I do NOT know if Pang has an ED so I won't even mention her name again. However, my thoughts and best hopes are with her just in case.
I can easily see how ED's can get started for young athletes. Especially if they are in a training environment where weight management is highly promoted. I'm not suggesting that healthy weight management is not important to competitive athletes because it certainly is. We've all seen examples of figure skaters (as one athlete example) get out of shape and over weight, and have seen their performances negatively impacted by that. Tonya Harding and Nicole Bobek come to mind as possibly having had that problem from time to time IIRC.
As RGirl points out, there is a HUGE difference between consciouly dieting (even to the point of being too thin) and an eating disorder. One involves rigourous dicipline (even if it's stupid) and the other involves a very twisted mental state that is NOT in touch with reality.
Here's how my ED got started. I was a competitive young athlete. I didn't train with others in my sport, but "dieting" became a very popular thing to do in my early High School years. It seemed that "everyone" was on a diet, so I should be on a diet too. Being the competitive sort, I guess at some point I decided I would win the diet contest. Can you see how this could happen in a training environment where weight management is emphasized?
Something absolutely snapped in my head. I already mentioned what I saw in the mirror that was NOT reality. But it seemed real to me. My relationship with food was NOT realistic. It was not nutrition, it was not even comfort, it was MY ENEMY. Meals became a game of getting away from the table (or avoiding the table entirely) while eating as little as possible. A successful meal was convincing others I ate something, when I actually ate NOTHING AT ALL. That was a gold medal performance. The comment about spitting out food really struck home to me. One of my many "tricks" to win my game was putting food in my mouth, going to the bathroom, spitting it out and flushing it. Napkins can be used for this purpose too. I felt "lucky" that we had a little dog at home. He figured out that sitting by my chair was the very best spot around the table.
Isn't this TWISTED????? But try to imagine being in a mental place where this behavior seems appropriate, and even victorious. If you're saying to yourself THAT is SICK then you are getting my point because you are right.
Back in those days, ED's were little known. Mom didn't have a clue what the heck was wrong with me. We had not yet arrived at the era where this sicko behavior would have prompted a trip to the local shrink. I was very lucky that whatever "snapped" in the first place somehow "snapped back" into place. I have no idea how or why that happened, but I thank God it did before I starved myself to death.
That experience has affected me in ways I know for sure, and probably in other ways I only suspect, or don't even know about. In reading RGirl's medical information, I wonder if my deteriorating spine (back surgery 2 years ago) might have started way back then. I know my relationship with food is still not right to this day. I've gone the other extreme and now have a tough time exhibiting any dicipline at all over my eating. It's like a rebellion is still going on somewhere in my brain - sort of like self preservation or something.
At any rate, ITA with RGirl that while NO coach, teacher, federation, parent or anyone else in their right mind would encourage and promote eating disorders intentionally, it's a VERY personal thing that is mental. And in an environment where young people for whatever reason are focusing intently on weight management it can happen. I can see it happening even more easily in a competitive environment. And once an ED takes hold, the person with the ED becomes very clever at hiding the sicko food behaviors. It's the physical symptoms that are the easiest to spot.
And for an athlete, not only is there physical evidence in appearance, but also performance. Let's face it. If you are eating little to nothing, you become very weak. I sure did.
And I hope that parents, relatives etc. don't EVER assume that because a child is under the supervision of coaches, nutritional experts, etc. that an ED SURELY couldn't happen. ED's are often cleverly hidden, in spite of the outward symptoms until it's too late. It becomes a very secretive life style.
It's hard to imagine what this is like mentally if you've never gone through it. For any of you who are trying to understand and relate, I hope this helps.
DG
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