Anybody else dateless/boyfriendless in 2005?

Johar · Dec 28, 2005

2005 was a very bad year for me in romance. I only met about two new guys, and they were not at all interested in me, so the two dates I had never turned into a 2nd date. I am now scared to try to meet guys now because if and when the phone never rings, I know I have failed again to 'woo" a guy.

This wouldn't be so bad if I were 21, but I am 37 in January and anxious to settle down.

I am frustrated and bitterly jealous when girls around me can get a guy, but I can't. I have always been an observor to the dating world, but rarely a participant. And what triggered this post was finding out a 23-year-old girl I know just got her first boyfriend.

I don't know why I am scaring off men or unable to "woo" one. I never bring up committment, marriage or fertility clocks on these dates. I am from a nice family with a stable background and I live in a nice house. We even have a cottage in northern Michigan.

Sigh...

PS--I have already asked many people to fix me up with somebody but nobody seems to know of any single men in our area.

backspin · Dec 28, 2005

Yup, count me in, although it's partly self-inflicted---as in, I don't have time or energy to meet someone & go through the motions of trying to see if they're someone I want to know....... I also have not had a ton of boyfriends, am pretty incapable of flirting, I am who I am. I've never been a guy magnet, to say the least. I don't really know why. I'm very friendly, but as I said, I'm not a flirt.

The best relationships I've had have been with men I met at work or some other activity & we slowly became friends & then continued on from there. I absolutely hate the contrived "meet a stranger for coffee/dinner & decide if you're romantically interested in them" world of dating.

What to do??? Skate hard, work hard, enjoy your friends & activities. Stay busy & hope that someday someone will come along who you want to share it all with. (I'm 38, btw)

Antilles · Dec 28, 2005

I'm a guy magnet for freaks. Those ones I could line up around the block. That and guys more than 20 years older than me. Normal men are another story. I've stayed single through the year. However I'm rather the loner, so I never look for love.

Johar, since I don't know you I can't say why you haven't had any luck. Is it possible that even though you don't say anything overtly about settling down, that you may still be giving off such a vibe? While it may be hard on the ego, you could always try asking your two lone dates why they weren't interested.

essence_of_soy · Dec 28, 2005

it's tough...but hang in there.

The very concept of dating is difficult because we're placed in a setting where we are expected to perform under pressure. Sometimes I liken it more to an audition or a job interview than meeting someone new and interesting.

I much prefer the idea of joining a social group where you can meet people with similar interests.

Having said that, yes, I am 37 and looking to share my life with someone after a share of disappointing experiences with people who didn't know what they wanted (including me...lol).

Don't give up, guys. The important thing is to be true to yourself, enjoy your own company, and enjoy other people's company when you're out and about.

R.D. · Dec 28, 2005

Well, well. What a topic.

Very interesting comments from you guys. I'm a guy myself, 19, and I'm happy (relatively speaking) right now being single. Lovin' it, man. And whenever I get that "nagging" feeling (when other guys around me have girls) I just remind myself how much freedom I have and how much they won't have, lol.

The end result of a relationship is ultimately one of two things: You break up (maybe 90% of the time? guessing here) or you get married. Which one is worse?? :rofl:

Doggygirl · Dec 28, 2005

Red Dog said:
Well, well. What a topic.

The end result of a relationship is ultimately one of two things: You break up (maybe 90% of the time? guessing here) or you get married. Which one is worse??

A great marriage IS the ULTIMATE!! It's better than cheesecake, a new puppy, the fuzziest comfiest sweater ever, the best deep dish pizza in the world, etc. etc.

DG

julietvalcouer · Dec 28, 2005

Antilles said:
I'm a guy magnet for freaks. Those ones I could line up around the block. That and guys more than 20 years older than me. Normal men are another story. I've stayed single through the year. However I'm rather the loner, so I never look for love.

Copy that, Rogue Leader. I have no trouble finding odd guys. Or older guys. (One hit on my match.com was from a fellow who seemed nice enough--except he lived in England, was 38, and a Tory politician. That last one isn't exactly a deal-breaker for me, it's not like he was Nationalist or Old Labour, but still, that's just WEIRD.)

Of course, I'm not good at socializing, I'm profoundly picky especially about physical appearance (I have odd tastes--yes, I'm not a fan of the unattractive, but what I find attractive is not always what's considered standard, either), and of late, unless he's a skater odds are I'm not going to run into him because I've either been at school (no one suitable there--married, unattractive, too young, or see above about weirdos) or at the rink (too old, too young, or attached AND my coach) meaning I'm not exactly meeting a huge pool of eligible men.

Seriously, where do twentysomethings go to socialize? That doesn't cost money? Or involve a lot of drinking alcohol and eating?

Buzzz · Dec 28, 2005

Yep. I was single in 2005, and in 2004 as well. I am afraid the number of single women that I know is pretty big. But the number of single men I know is zero. I guess it is just a matter of numbers. There are far more single women than men.

PrincessLeppard · Dec 28, 2005

Johar, darling, you are fabulous. And sometimes, it's fabulous being single. (I've been single for four years now, and most of it has been great! Obviously, the, uh, physical part is a bit of a downer...

) On your next date (and trust me, I know all about the lack of single men, so it might be awhile and you can work on this), act like your life is fantastic (and hopefully you won't have to act), how great it is to be you at this point in time. I've heard men like this sort of thing. It will also allow you to not give off, even indirectly, "I want to settle down" vibes.

I'm 37, by the way. Best of luck to you.

heyang · Dec 28, 2005

Yep - I didn't meet any interesting guys this year either. I've never had a bunch of girlfriends who were into the bar scene. I enjoy an occassional bar outing, but it's usually with a mixed crowd and I'm there to hang out with friends, not hook up.

My mother is hard at work giving out my phone #. I have an agreement with my mother that I only have to go out with a guy once and I don't have to explain why there isn't a 2nd date. However, most of them never ever call; so, it's not me.

I go with the philosophy of enjoying the positive aspects of your marital status. Count your blessings. For instance, I don't have to watch football all day on Sunday and I can watch as much figure skating as I want.

Johar · Dec 29, 2005

The few guys who have shown interest always have these charasterics, which are factual and not exaggerations:

1. Always drive badly rundown cars. This one guy had to mess with some wiring for 10 minutes to get his car going. Another guy had holes in the floorboard.

2. Always into tinkering with cars, car racing and collecting junk cars to sit on cement blocks on property.

3. Always work low-paying factory jobs, if they have a job.

4. Talk with a hick accent coupled with poor grammar usage.

5. Look 10 years older than their age from bad health choices.

6. Have multiple kids and ex wives or girlfriends who are the mommies.

7. Dress sloppily. Now, nothing wrong with dressing sloppily while at a factory job. But when a guy says he "don't own anything dressy" and likes to wear ballcaps in restaurants I cringe.

8. Spend their paychecks on booze or buying more junk cars.

Johar · Dec 29, 2005

Red Dog said:
Well, well. What a topic.

Very interesting comments from you guys. I'm a guy myself, 19, and I'm happy (relatively speaking) right now being single. Lovin' it, man. And whenever I get that "nagging" feeling (when other guys around me have girls) I just remind myself how much freedom I have and how much they won't have, lol.

The end result of a relationship is ultimately one of two things: You break up (maybe 90% of the time? guessing here) or you get married. Which one is worse??

Since you're a guy maybe you could answer this:

The last guy I went out with was a guy I went to high school with, making him 39. He came over and we watched a movie. We kissed several times (he made the move) and he asked all sorts of questions about myself. I thought he was really into me, but after the date I never heard from him again. I left three messages and he never returned my calls. Three unreturned messages means he just isn't into me.

What could've happened?! I would like to ask him, but if he isn't even going to return a call, I'll never find out.

I do know that he is scared of women/dating after his divorce, so maybe it had nothing to do with me, or maybe it did. I heard about him being scared from a relative.

~Muffin~ · Dec 29, 2005

Luckily I am 17 and I have a long time to look for the right guy to come along. I like being single but I would like to meet a nice boy sometime soon.

Ravyn Rant · Dec 29, 2005

And I bet Johar thought it was just her! I'm 42, divorced and have been date-free for a couple of years now. There was this guy who approached me at church once, and I was flattered until he called and asked if I wanted to spend our "date" watching him try out for the Special Olympics. I haven't looked much since then. And with Nats/Olys/Worlds coming up, I'm not going to have a lot of time for socializing.

Sometimes the lack of companionship really gets me down. Then I make myself hang out with my married friends and listen to them complain about their husbands. And single doesn't seem so bad.
My New Year's wish for all of us is that we honor ourselves for the wonderful beings we are, partnered or not.
xoxo
Rave

backspin · Dec 29, 2005

Ravyn Rant said:
Sometimes the lack of companionship really gets me down. Then I make myself hang out with my married friends and listen to them complain about their husbands. And single doesn't seem so bad.
My New Year's wish for all of us is that we honor ourselves for the wonderful beings we are, partnered or not.
xoxo
Rave

And ditto on the listening to your married friends complaining thing! My sister, married w/ 2 kids, envies me my life of skating, friends, male friends, free time, not answering to anyone, etc. My mother aways said, "better to be single than to wish you were."

My other favorite quote, from a friend's mom: "Their rejection is God's protection." Meaning, if someone doesn't want you, there's a reason & you're better off.

R.D. · Dec 29, 2005

Johar said:
Since you're a guy maybe you could answer this:

The last guy I went out with was a guy I went to high school with, making him 39. He came over and we watched a movie. We kissed several times (he made the move) and he asked all sorts of questions about myself. I thought he was really into me, but after the date I never heard from him again. I left three messages and he never returned my calls. Three unreturned messages means he just isn't into me.

What could've happened?! I would like to ask him, but if he isn't even going to return a call, I'll never find out.

I do know that he is scared of women/dating after his divorce, so maybe it had nothing to do with me, or maybe it did. I heard about him being scared from a relative.

Well, before I start I proclaim that I am NOT a relationship expert :laugh:

Ok, with that out of the way...

I think he's JUST NOT INTERESTED. It can't get much simpler than that. Either he got a bad vibe from you somehow, or he just simply thought you were uninteresting.

Asking a lot of questions indicates interest, but I bet afterwards he decided that you weren't his type of woman, and that was that.

It's POSSIBLE that he might have been scared off, but from what you told me, it doesn't quite make sense that that would be the reason.

I say to just move on and find someone else. If he's not returning your calls/messages, that's a clear indication of non-interest.

My NON-EXPERT opinion.

P.S. How long was that period before you tried to call him...two days? One week? That could have been a factor as well. One automatically wants to stay away from someone who is "clingy".

Piel · Dec 29, 2005

Dr Ruth,I mean Red Dog

that was a very good answer.

nicole_l · Dec 29, 2005

Nope, found a guy to keep my interest for a couple of months at least. :laugh:

I'm still young, though. Not that you guys are old ladies by any means, but I'm only 19.

heyang · Dec 29, 2005

Has anyone read the book "He's Just Not Into You". I haven't, but I there was an episode of Oprah based on it. The author used to write for Sex In the City. He overheard a co-worker complaining about a guy and decided to set her straight. Essentially, he said that if a guy is interested he will make the effort and time to see/contact you. He also seemed to be saying to be friendly but do not do the pursuing. If he's gone out with you 3 times and doesn't call, don't call him because "He's Just Not Into You".

Just about everyone I know who is married (with few exceptions) had the guy taking the lead role in pursuing the relationship. One of my friends was tired of hanging out at bars and decided to pursue her own interests. She attended an art gallery opening by herself and met this guy. They didn't exchange phone #'s. However, on the next business day, he had flowers sent to her workplace with only her 1st name and a note with his phone #. He was into her and they now have 3 boys.

I realize that not every relationship starts this way, but just using it as an example that a guy will go to great lengths if he's truly interested. He might be sorta into you and call occasionally - if you're ok with that, there's nothing wrong. Just don't mistake being a convenient companion for a relationship.

Buzzz · Dec 29, 2005

Unfortunately(for me anyway... ), all the married friends I have are very happy and to be honest, I cannot remember them ever complaining about anything significant at all. :rock:

One friend who HATES doing household chores, married a husband who is the oldest of 12 kids. In other words he does not mind doing most of the chores including cooking!!!! :laugh:

Another friend who's husband is a devote muslim not just allows but enjoys and encourages his wife to be her own person, and dresses in sexy alluring clothes. hehehe And now that she has severe health problems, no one could be better cared for.

Someone else I know, met her husband while married to someone else! They have now been together for seven years.

Anybody else dateless/boyfriendless in 2005?

Johar

backspin

Antilles

essence_of_soy

R.D.

Doggygirl

julietvalcouer

Buzzz

PrincessLeppard

~ Evgeni's Sex Bomb ~

heyang

Johar

Johar

~Muffin~

Match Penalty

Ravyn Rant

Totally 80s Dance Party!

backspin

R.D.

Piel

On Edge

nicole_l

heyang

Buzzz

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