Becoming invisible

[Suzy]

Any other women here feel like this is happening? I am 45 and I've started noticing these last couple of years that no one looks anymore. I used to keep myself in shape, always dressing nice, making sure I have makeup on, not being in public/grocery store with gymshoes on, etc. But but it seems lately that no one even cares. I've put on 10 pounds over the winter, but I'm not even motivated to workout anymore and fight the battle of the bulge. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother coloring my hair, which has to be done almost every 2-3 weeks (roots) otherwise all thise gray pops out.

What a drag it is getting old.

 

[mmscfdcsu]

Why do you worry about who is looking at you. We mature adults are supposed to be way past that kind of insecurity. I'm 53 and know I look great. I really don't give a rat's *** about whether some stranger on the street is impressed

 

[Blue Bead]

Wecome to the club, Suzy! It happens to all of us sooner or later, LOL I solved the hair-coloring issue by letting the hair go gray completely. I wear it rather long and I get incredible compliments at my age about my naturally gray hair. No more expensive hair treatments for me. LOLThese days my appearance only needs to please me, LOL, and while I don't "work out" per se, I do lots of activites which involve vigourous movements, like mowing the yard with a sef-propelled mower and working in my flower, perennial and garden beds. When I go shopping I always park some distance from the store's front door and briskly walk to wherever I need to go, and when I go back to my car loaded down with shopping bags or pushing a cart, it's a wonderful aerobic workout. There are other ways to "fight the battle of the bulge" without going the route of the gym that are much more interesting than waiting for someone else to finish with the exercise equipment you want to use.

Also, you might sign up for a water aerobics class. That's an incredible work out, LOL. I just started about a month ago and my muscles are just now getting accustomed to the extra activity, LOL. As to the motivation problem, if you're having fun with it you'll find the motivation to continue the activity. The secret is to make the workout fun!

 

[Joesitz (RIP)]

As a man I can tell you it isn't easier. Walking down the avenue and seeing my reflection in a store window and thinking my father is here. Yeah....

Joe

 

[SeaniBu]

I have developed more skill in not being noticed when looking at women as I get older. And older women are usaly who I look at AND who I don't care if they notice me looking at someone else. And people usually gravitate toward there age or mentality.

Chances are you might not be as quick to notice, especially when you are looking for it.

And if they were looking once, conceder yourself lucky you had it, what is that about loved and lost..... agree or not, at lest you had a point in your life where you "had it going on."

If that doesn't help.

Let's look at this scientifically.

Youth is what is considered "typical" beauty. What resembles youth will be looked at more often when it comes to living things. I.E. A woman who has features that resemble children get looked at. I sounds "creepy" but it is true when talking about the face. Look at why women get collegian injections - and that theory is what I am doing a bad job of explaining. It kinda bothers me too. I remember a special about this on TLC.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280262/combined
Hosted by John Cleese, fantastically realistic views. Not everything you necessarily want to hear but the truth is what it is.

The amount of "good looking" has increased by extreme amounts in the past couple of decades - even with the weight issues that seem to be prevalent in the news, faces are more commonly "good looking." The competition is fierce do to the activity of earlier generations.

You may not resemble anyone famous (anymore).

You might not be showing as much skin.

Just a few thoughts and I wish I could have had Tom Selleck's issues, but oh well.:yes:

 

[Ladskater]

Suzy:

It's all a state of mind!!! Who cares? The beauty salons and make up artists and fashion magazines are making a mint off gals like us!!!! Beauty is only skin deep anyway!!!! It's better to be comfortable with who you are!!!

Don't neglect yourself by anymeans. It's good to keep up your exercize routine and eat right. However, I think there is more to life than worrying about who is looking at you.

What I hate about old age is being called "mam"!!!!!!

 

[Spun Silver]

Ladskater, you're a "mam"?!

I also started to experience this invisibility thing. It is a little unsettling to have something that you consider an annoyance irk you a little by disappearing. It turns out to have been a not insignificant part of our identity that we eventually have to let go of. Fortunately, there is a pretty long middle period where you can be a good looking woman of a certain age (when you're in the mood to make the effort) en route to becoming an elegant old one.

Having older friends who enjoy being old is a big help. A dear friend now 82 always says, "I knew I would love being old and I do!" I still don't quite get why. I think it is no longer caring what people think of her. And no longer working at a job she disliked. And having grandkids. And doing all the things she loves that she didn't have time for before. And thinking it all over.

ETA: Your post sounded a bit down. I hope the moral support helps. Feel free to PM me if you want to go on talking.

 

[IDLERACER]

What a drag it is getting old.

Mick & Keith are now in their early 60s and are not living up to those words...Nor is Pete Townshend living up to his "Hope I Die Before I Get Old" phrase.

Consider yourself lucky that there at least was a time when people looked. That's an adjustment I'll never have to make. I was just as ugly when I was in my early 20s as I am now at 48.​

 

[psycho]

Consider yourself lucky that there at least was a time when people looked. That's an adjustment I'll never have to make. I was just as ugly when I was in my early 20s as I am now at 48.​

LOL, so true. I'm not even 20 yet, and trust me no one's looking.

 

[Suzy]

LOL the above 2 posters! Didn't Keith Richards just knock himself out falling from a tree! There are some things that the mind is willing to do but the body isn't.

I'm in much chipper mood today -- does moody go along with aging, too? I must be premenopausal or something's up with the hormones.

I've heard that it's harder for a beautiful woman to get older than an average one -- not that I considered myself to be "beautiful" ever.

I'm also at a point in my life where all I am to anyone is a cook, driver, maid anymore. Some days I just feel like I'm existing rather than living. I'd like to get a new job with more hours but I have to drive my kids everywhere still, so maybe in a few years when they get their licenses.

Now that the weather's warmer, I'd like to go play tennis but I can't because my knees and shoulders ain't what they used to be either. Even walking sometimes bothers my knees, hence the 10-pound weight gain over the winter. Oh, well, I'm gonna try something.

Thanks for hearing me gripe.

 

[megsk8z]

Getting old isn't for sissies, that's for sure.

I'm glad you're feeling better today (and yes, moody definitely goes with aging). All that "ma'am" stuff can be brutal.

When I went on a trip to Colorado shortly after my mother died I found a refrigerator magnet that I hoped would annoy my daughter; she's 13 and therefore it's my job to annoy her. Anyway, this magnet said, "Mirror mirror on the wall, I'm like my mother after all." Unfortunately, it didn't have the annoyance factor I had hoped for, but I realized that it may take a few more years to set in for her. Meantime it smiles at me every time I open the fridge and I can pretend that I'm not almost 4 times older than my daughter and when we go out together everyone is looking at *her* like they used to look at me.

I just keep telling myself it's a great life if I don't weaken.

 

[Suzy]

Getting old isn't for sissies, that's for sure.

I'm glad you're feeling better today (and yes, moody definitely goes with aging). All that "ma'am" stuff can be brutal.

When I went on a trip to Colorado shortly after my mother died I found a refrigerator magnet that I hoped would annoy my daughter; she's 13 and therefore it's my job to annoy her. Anyway, this magnet said, "Mirror mirror on the wall, I'm like my mother after all." Unfortunately, it didn't have the annoyance factor I had hoped for, but I realized that it may take a few more years to set in for her. Meantime it smiles at me every time I open the fridge and I can pretend that I'm not almost 4 times older than my daughter and when we go out together everyone is looking at *her* like they used to look at me.

I just keep telling myself it's a great life if I don't weaken.

Yes, I've noticed that too! Especially "older" guys (my age) checking out my daughters!! The young ones I can understand. Look at someone your own age, buddy!

 

[Dee4707]

I feel like a very fortunate lady!! My mother who is 86 with a failing and frail body still has a very young spirit, which makes her seem so much younger. I feel like I have a very young spirit too, glad I got that from mom.

My brother said that he thinks older women are so beatiful, even with the lines on the face and the broader hips. He said it makes him think of what they have gone through.

And of course there's Maxine, I just love her. She puts it in the right perspective.



Dee

 

[SeaniBu]

I just found out from one of my nephews that the oldest of my nephews (23) is "into" older ladies - like 45+.

As far as the comment earlier about older guys looking at younger girls more, I don't think that is for the reason most would think that is so. It is either the "cookie Jar" scenario (want what you will never have or feel right about if it was to happen and a look is all you will get) or the fact the younger girls these days just show a LOT more of there bodies and skin. And as far as the mind of guys, we all know a lot of guys are just "dogs" but as it might appear to be desire, it is more than likely just "woh! I can't believe all she has out there to the world."

 

[Suzy]

Reminds me of what an older gentleman of about 75 said at a party once:

"You know, when I was a young man, I used to love looking at all the young women. Now that I'm 75, you know what? I STILL love looking at all the young women!"

 

[icenut84]

If you want to work out/improve what you look like etc, do it for yourself, not because you want people to look at you. Whatever your age, you should work on your own self-esteem and look good because you want to look good. If you do, and you feel confident in yourself (obviously not to the extent of arrogance), you'll project a kind of aura that will attract people. There's an element of truth in the idea that love comes when you're not looking for it, and the same can be true of attracting people. If someone's walking along the street looking happy and confident, he/she'll probably appear 'more attractive' and garner more appreciative looks than someone who looks the same but doesn't seem confident or happy. How you're perceived is all about how you project yourself as much as your physical looks.

My point - don't let yourself go, but do it for yourself. It may not be the same as when you were young, but it'll be different and hey, you'll have the knowledge and experience and wisdom that they don't have!

 

[Piel]

Well I turned 52 a few weeks ago and even with health issues I will not give up on the makeup and keeping the roots touched up.......refuse to be gray it's just not me. I consider it all money well spent, all of the lotions and potions. They may not do anything but are fun to play with......I am such a girl LOL, The BEST thing to ward off old age is to have a fabulous new boyfriend. And remember all women look 10 years younger when blushing.

 

[Jhar55]

Right there with you Piel, I don't wear my make up at home but do when I go to work. As for men being dogs, I know mine is that's why I throw him a bone everyday and he keeps comming back.

 

[76olympics]

If you lived down South like I always have, you would always be called Maam or Sir whatever your age as long as you were over 20! My father brainwashed me so thoroughly in this regard that I cannot stop doing it even if I try. In a way, it is a blessing because I don't equate the terms with aging.

I am 42 and I have always been "foreign" looking (pick any nationality with olive or tan skin) with unconventional looks to say the least. So, I haven't ever inspired a great deal of attention and so it goes and will go until I am elderly, I guess. I would like to be about 15 lbs thinner for health's sake. I'm of average weight but would like to be smaller.

 

[Piel]

As for men being dogs, I know mine is that's why I throw him a bone everyday and he keeps comming back.