But think about it like this: Skater wins SP (or is in position to win). One may want her to win, or one might be rooting against her. Still, she goes out in the FS looking very nervous. She does a respectable job but makes one costly mistake...which eventually ends up costing her gold.
The skater in question has a very sad look on her face, almost to the point where one can't help but feel what they are going through. It is very sad to see someone not realize their dream, even if you didn't want them to win in the first place because hey, maybe you can relate to that too. But- here's the potentially "mean and callous" part- it's not just the plain fact that they didn't win that provokes the emotion in me. It's seeing their faces afterward.
At the same time, though, at that very moment she held her own fate. She controlled her destiny when she was on that ice, and for some reason or another, she couldn't follow through. This skater had the chance to win, and couldn't quite close the deal. It's not that someone else took it away from her, she took it away from herself. And for that reason, I tend to think, "Oh well, too bad. You had your chance, maybe next time." If that seems mean to other posters, so be it...but that's what I think. I see no need to cover it up in PC comments.
Eventually I take it that once the skater gets past the initial shock of not winning, she takes this mindset as well, and then moves on.