When your co-workers are too invasive

[Meoima]

I don't know how to say this but I am getting too much annoyed recently. I mean I am honestly annoyed by my co-workers.

They keep setting me up with another co-worker who is younger than me 2 years old.

You know that, I don't want to say bad things to any of them, but I stay single for the sake of my sanity. Even if the person they're trying to set me up is the best person around IT IS STILL A NO.

I am fed up with this Asian society when people think singles are freaks or helpless folks who need help. I am not good with children and will never be good with children (yes they are cute but taking care of them? How about a NO?)

Staying single is MY CHOICE. Not my misery!

But I am new to this office and I don't want to refuse them too rudely.

 

[Violet Bliss]

Staying single is MY CHOICE. Not my misery!

But I am new to this office and I don't want to refuse them too rudely.

That is exactly what you need to tell them nicely and firmly. Be straight forward (so you'd not need to find different things to say in the future) but polite, "I am happy being single and I like my life the way it is. If I change my mind, I will find someone myself at that time. So please do not match make for me." Then change the subject. Don't engage them with explanation.

Moi, I give outrageous come backs at unwelcome subjects to stop them in their track. In any case, never go along against your will. Don't start. Don't get into a role you don't like because it's hard to change later.

 

[Meoima]

That is exactly what you need to tell them nicely and firmly. Be straight forward (so you'd not need to find different things to say in the future) but polite, "I am happy being single and I like my life the way it is. If I change my mind, I will find someone myself at that time. So please do not match make for me." Then change the subject. Don't engage them with explanation.

Moi, I give outrageous come backs at unwelcome subjects to stop them in their track. In any case, never go along against your will. Don't start. Don't get into a role you don't like because it's hard to change later.

Thank you so much for your reply. It's kind of awkward for me as they're saying it like a half-joke and half-pressing. And when I was acting embarasshedly they took it as I "kind of agree". In reality, my mind was screaming: "Stop this, it is creepy as hell!"
I did not say no does not mean I am comfortable with it. Just because I am too embarasshed to say no.

 

[Violet Bliss]

Thank you so much for your reply. It's kind of awkward for me as they're saying it like a half-joke and half-pressing. And when I was acting embarasshedly they took it as I "kind of agree". In reality, my mind was screaming: "Stop this, it is creepy as hell!"
I did not say no does not mean I am comfortable with it. Just because I am too embarasshed to say no.

You should not be the one to feel embarrassed. Try embarrassing them for a change.

eta. That's what I meant by not getting into a role that's hard to change later. You have to be careful in a new environment with new people. You need to stop being the meek and bullied one.

 

[Tonichelle]

Ugh. I get that from every one. And it's amazing how little they think of my character when they set me up with people. I am perfectly fine being single and my feeling is should I get into a relationship that there are distinct "roles" in a couple. Lately all I've gotten are ideas that I'm willing to be a sugar mama so the guy can "follow his dreams." Screw that!


In your case, I'm not sure where you live, but honestly if they don't heed your NO or even just take the hint (and in all reality, at least in the US, you don't even need to say no. This is not work related, they don't have the right to pressure you), then it's becoming a hostile work environment and you might have to take it to a supervisor or HR.

 

[Meoima]

In your case, I'm not sure where you live, but honestly if they don't heed your NO or even just take the hint (and in all reality, at least in the US, you don't even need to say no. This is not work related, they don't have the right to pressure you), then it's becoming a hostile work environment and you might have to take it to a supervisor or HR.

I live in Southeast Asia. Well my previous workplace they gossip a lot (about all kinds of things too). But they did not set me up with someone like this. I am not sure if it's just our culture thing. But I am tired of this kind of cultrue. It is not professional at all.

You live in US don't you, and yet it still happens to you?

 

[Tonichelle]

You live in US don't you, and yet it still happens to you?

Not in my work place (I had other issues, which is why I am currently unemployed), but in other parts of my life I get the whole "let me set you up" stuff all the time.

 

[NanaPat]

They're trying to set you up with another co-worker? Dating co-workers is a really, really bad idea. Some companies have firm rules against it.

Just say no, and be firm about it. And don't get suckered into discussing it. You don't have to justify your personal life to your co-workers.

 

[Dee4707]

Staying single is MY CHOICE. Not my misery!

Meoima, in my culture, I was supposed to have several children by the time I was twenty. I got so tired of my family asking.....do you have a boyfriend......(followed by the) YET??? I could see them 2 days later and be asked the same question. My mom was a great help because she would say in my defense....I think she's pretty smart!! Finally, I started asking them why did they get married and why did they have children. They would give an answer.....like I'm supposed to have children, I would ask...why?? They would get so frustrated with me that eventually they got the message and left me alone.

Meoima, believe me I think you're smart!!! You know yourself and that's great and I think, I could be wrong, that if more people knew themselves there would be less heartache. I also believe that you can change so just relax and let those people keep asking all their-none of their business questions-and/or get tired of you like my family did with me.

 

[Amei]

I don't know how to say this but I am getting too much annoyed recently. I mean I am honestly annoyed by my co-workers.

They keep setting me up with another co-worker who is younger than me 2 years old.

You know that, I don't want to say bad things to any of them, but I stay single for the sake of my sanity. Even if the person they're trying to set me up is the best person around IT IS STILL A NO.

I am fed up with this Asian society when people think singles are freaks or helpless folks who need help. I am not good with children and will never be good with children (yes they are cute but taking care of them? How about a NO?)

Staying single is MY CHOICE. Not my misery!

But I am new to this office and I don't want to refuse them too rudely.

I feel your pain - everyone thinks that they know better about your life than you do. While I like the thought of throwing outlandish answers back at them that might just encourage them to continue. How new are you at the office? Perhaps once your 'newness' wears off they will stop. My coworkers were similar when I started at my company but fortunately I work a position where we regularly can put headphones in and work - I simply put my headphones in when the normal 'conversation' time happened and stayed out of it....BTW - if you are known as 1 to not participate in the 'gossip hour' people will generally confide the juiciest stuff to you :yes:

 

[Tulipstar]

That is exactly what you need to tell them nicely and firmly. Be straight forward (so you'd not need to find different things to say in the future) but polite, "I am happy being single and I like my life the way it is. If I change my mind, I will find someone myself at that time. So please do not match make for me." Then change the subject. Don't engage them with explanation.

Moi, I give outrageous come backs at unwelcome subjects to stop them in their track. In any case, never go along against your will. Don't start. Don't get into a role you don't like because it's hard to change later.

I think that's a really good reply. You don't owe them anything