Yes, just like Patrick's mother's interference became too much for Don Laws, and later Christy Krall, it appears Nam's father's interference became too much for Brian
Nam Nguyen
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Yes, just like Patrick's mother's interference became too much for Don Laws, and later Christy Krall, it appears Nam's father's interference became too much for Brian
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- Nov 19, 2010
Why do people keep calling parental involvement interference? It's their duty and their right to look after their children's welfare. There is no denial of Nam's and Patrick's parents' devotion and sacrifices for their success just as there is no denial of their success.
There are many young athletes being abused with very tragic consequences. There are young talents that fall far short of their potentials because of lack of resources and support. It's when the best talents are recognized and nurtured with full support from a young age that we get most of the great champions, especially in expensive and training intensive sports such as figure skating.
Nam's and Patrick's families have invested beyond their means and made huge sacrifices to support and nurture their sons' talents. Their lives are revolved around and focused on their extremely talented sons, it's not called interference.
There are many young athletes being abused with very tragic consequences. There are young talents that fall far short of their potentials because of lack of resources and support. It's when the best talents are recognized and nurtured with full support from a young age that we get most of the great champions, especially in expensive and training intensive sports such as figure skating.
Nam's and Patrick's families have invested beyond their means and made huge sacrifices to support and nurture their sons' talents. Their lives are revolved around and focused on their extremely talented sons, it's not called interference.
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- Mar 7, 2015
i agree with what you are saying here, so much sacrifice, investment etc from parents... however, and I am not specifically talking about Nam or Patrick's parents BUT with all the meaning well and support from parents, sometimes, as a mentor, I have felt that the gifted youth needed space, or needed to let me do my work.... i have had to deal with awful parents and I have let very gifted talent go because of it... it is not because a parent is invested in their children's career that they have the right to question the expertise of a well-known coach based on their own very little knowledge of the sport...for instance, pressure from parents for the pupils to achieve high level of technique which they are not ready physically or mentally for.... etc... etc.. etc
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- Feb 16, 2014
There is definitely a line that can be crossed...have you never heard of stage parents? Or seen an episode of Dance Moms?
Brian's time is valuable, and he doesn't need to deal with a parent who repeatedly undermines his authority, disrespects him, brings more stress into his life, etc. He is in high demand, and for every Nam there's probably 10 more skaters waiting to get a chance to train with him. So he can certainly afford to cut his losses. Still, I think Brian is easygoing enough that he would have to be pushed pretty far to say "enough." I am curious...Nam is just about to turn 18, so will he be on his own in California or will a parent go with him?
There is a big difference between involvement and interference.... it is great to be involved, supportive and know what is happening, but when you constantly question, pressure, badger the coach to the extent that they cannot do their job... that is interference. Parental interference is quite common and can be a nightmare in so many sports... just look at minor hockey... tennis...
It could be difficult to Nam´s parents, after worlds 2016 many Yuzu fans were questioning if Brian has preference for Javier above Yuzuru. If Yuzu fans has doubts, what about Nam´s parents?, Brian has the top two in the world, what place had Nam in the team?
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- Nov 19, 2010
Many people, including parents, are not capable of pure love. They commit faults and sins in the name of love, giving love a bad name. Most of the time, it's because they are doing things for themselves, trying to fill their own needs through their children. Controlling and indulging are both symptoms of misguided "love".
One can always tell if the parents are truly loving and doing their best by the children's demeanor. They have happy, well adjusted, and motivated children. They understand and are sensitive to their children's feelings and needs and will try to find out the cause of anything out of line and interfering in their happiness and learning. They will then try to rectify the situation, including standing up for them and to other authorities.
No parents are perfect, but we know they are mostly doing the right thing when their children are happy and doing well in what they love like Patrick and Nam. If these parents have conflicts with their children's coaches, it does not mean the coaches are bad, but that they may not be the best fit for the students at this time. Of course, sometimes there are misunderstanding which needs to be resolved instead of parents being required to stand by and not "interfere".
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- Nov 19, 2010
No worse nightmare than child abuses, including sexual abuses, that have ruined and even ended lives. These abuses are often revealed years after, often by extreme tragedies. As well coaches and other stuff members often constantly pressure and badger the kids too, with good intention or not.
Parents are abusers too sometimes. So I'm not saying one side is always right. But I object to automatic assumptions of overbearing and interfering parents just because they are more involved than other parents or whenever there is a conflict. Especially when they have so far successfully parented happy high achieving children.
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- Mar 7, 2015
all I can tell you here is that in all my years of mentoring young talent, I have seen pretty much every kind of parenting.... when it comes to interacting with a coach, the best success stories were when parents were not too involved, letting the child be him/herself. Autonomy becomes an asset for a young talent as all along they need to grow up and develop their own artistry/personality. Sheltered students rarely succeeded as much as the free spirited ones.... it can create a lot of conflict between a mentor and parents when the mentor is pushing the students to grow up and become more independent while the parents are still trying to call the shots on the kids... children feel that conflict and do not perform as well... I often say to parents : you do your job, i do mine. 
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- Nov 19, 2010
all I can tell you here is that in all my years of mentoring young talent, I have seen pretty much every kind of parenting.... when it comes to interacting with a coach, the best success stories were when parents were not too involved, letting the child be him/herself. Autonomy becomes an asset for a young talent as all along they need to grow up and develop their own artistry/personality. Sheltered students rarely succeeded as much as the free spirited ones.... it can create a lot of conflict between a mentor and parents when the mentor is pushing the students to grow up and become more independent while the parents are still trying to call the shots on the kids... children feel that conflict and do not perform as well... I often say to parents : you do your job, i do mine.
If the parents are not involved, they would not have brought their kids to you. They mentor their kids too. As I said, you can tell they are doing mostly right if the child is happy and motivated. I don't believe parents should interfere in your expertise which they should trust. They should be able to tell if you are a good mentor too by the same standard, i.e. the student is happy and making good progress under your tutelage. Leave well enough alone but if the student is unhappy and/or unable to learn, then both the parents and the teacher need to assess the situation, looking at themselves first and then the other part of the equation. Sometimes, it just may be it's the wrong pursuit for the kid for lack of talents and/or passion. Or maybe the kid should be left to proceed slowly but happily.
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- Mar 7, 2015
you are describing ideal situations... but if they do happen, most often, they don't 
there are some parents I have NEVER met. I cannot even tell them how their kids are doing... there are parents who are not happy to hear that their children are not doing well... there are parents who INSIST that I mentor their children.... even when I suggest that they may benefit from another teacher... there are so many situations.... and there is not only one way to deal with all of them... so yes, I stick to what I have said, it's best when parents support their children encouraging them at home but then let the coach deal with all aspects of the training.
there are some parents I have NEVER met. I cannot even tell them how their kids are doing... there are parents who are not happy to hear that their children are not doing well... there are parents who INSIST that I mentor their children.... even when I suggest that they may benefit from another teacher... there are so many situations.... and there is not only one way to deal with all of them... so yes, I stick to what I have said, it's best when parents support their children encouraging them at home but then let the coach deal with all aspects of the training.
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Parents have a right to be involved and informed. The coach works for the skater and the parents. Customer service is part of the job. In addition to training, coaches also have an obligation to set goals and communicate to the parent on how the skater is doing. Communication is key to building trust. Whenever parents (whether it be skating parents, soccer parents, dance parents) become "controlling", what is actually happening is a breakdown of trust - the parents are questioning whether the coach is focused on the student, whether the coach is making the right choices to achieve the desired results, etc. etc. Whilst I have sympathy for coaches saying that parents should leave training to the coaches, a surefire way to not be micro-managed by the parent is to communicate (1) what you want to achieve, (2) how you will go about achieving it and (3) run your approach by the parent - REGULARLY. No, it is not too onerous. Yes, coaches are being paid to do this. Happy customer, happy coach.
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- Mar 7, 2015
i agree with that.... key to my success is indeed informing parents after each session... but they better not get too close during the session
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- Nov 19, 2010
you are describing ideal situations... but if they do happen, most often, they don't
The parents you never met certainly are not interfering. They are the ideal ones, right? Complete trust in the hired teachers and institution.
Dealing with the public is difficult and require skills. Unfortunately it is part of your job as much as you just want to do what you love and do best.
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- Mar 7, 2015
nope ... the parents I have never met are not ideal... i am just showing the wide spread of parenting out there... from the couldn't care less to the tiger mom...
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- Dec 24, 2014
Agree with you, but at the same time unhappy parents with coach, must cut the relatioship; and in the same way, unhappy coach with parents, have to cut the relationship too. It goes in both directions. It's not only a matter of who pays or is paid; somebody don't have all the reason or the rights only because is paying. I cut relationships with children that were good students, only because their parents were unbearable. Money is not enough
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- Mar 29, 2016
Fans and parents always consider their player/children as a priority. And Brian is not complete/perfect coach or person.. So it's natural to react that when they think they felt hurt. Personally, I think Brian as a observer/strategist than emotional mentor. Keeping distance, don't be involved in personal matters. Each several has his merits and faults. And there are so many skaters from various nations and limited coaching staffs in TCC. If Nam and his parents want more focus and treatment, leaving TCC might be a good way. As a yuzu fan( sorry, bit off topic), sometimes I feel keeping balance fairly among similar ranked skaters is very difficult for coach, practically. When yuzu wanted to train in TCC in 2012, Orser asked to permisson for javi, and javi said it was totally ok . So yuzu said he felt thankful to javi. But Roman SADOVSKY also moved to tcc, also there is gogolev(?)who is a prodigy such a young ages in tcc. They are also Canadian, and after seeing his last national reputation, I understand nam. And through this world, his confidence and position in SC may be decreased, too.. His parents have a right to voice for their children's surrounding improvement. Also this decision should have been included nam himself's opinion. He shined brightly 1314,1415 seasons. And after hardships, he will be stronger. He's still very young and finished grow spurts. Wherever he goes to train, good luck to him.
The discussion of parents is interesting, but I think it's important to note that we don't really know much (anything) about this situation.
Things we don't know:
- if Nam is leaving the Cricket Club
- if he is leaving, whose decision it was (Orser's or Nam's or Nam's parents')
- if we know whose decision it was, the basis of the decision
The first question will probably be answered in due course, the second may or may not be answered, and the third will probably remain a mystery to us all, and perhaps to some of the involved parties.
For instance, when Yu-Na left Orser, it seems to have been her (or her parents') decision, but I believe Orser has claimed to not know why.
Things we don't know:
- if Nam is leaving the Cricket Club
- if he is leaving, whose decision it was (Orser's or Nam's or Nam's parents')
- if we know whose decision it was, the basis of the decision
The first question will probably be answered in due course, the second may or may not be answered, and the third will probably remain a mystery to us all, and perhaps to some of the involved parties.
For instance, when Yu-Na left Orser, it seems to have been her (or her parents') decision, but I believe Orser has claimed to not know why.
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