- Joined
- Dec 4, 2004
I can say this without speading rumor. 1. Mom appears to be still alive
Surya and Peter hosted a clinic in Austin in Sept. Now he appears on the staff page of the Austin skating club. My sourse says he has moved there.
Which skaters would have achieved more with less "involved" parents?
- Thread starter Momtoiceprincess
- Start date
Surya and Peter hosted a clinic in Austin in Sept. Now he appears on the staff page of the Austin skating club. My sourse says he has moved there.
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2003
The story that I remember about Tara goes like this (I don't know iof this is really true or an exaggeration). Tara was so determined to master the triple loop-tripple loop combo that she would never leave off practicing it, even after her coach Richard Callaghan told her that was enough for today. She just kept jumping and jumping until Mr. Callaghan had to ask Tara's mom to drag her off the ice.
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2019
Yes in interviews Pat always seemed so level, she made loads of sacrifices for tara but I think Tara was so driven herself Pat was just her co pilot... She had so much energy & always looked so happy & stayed injury free, she was a breath of fresh air.
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2004
Or not. You read this and its not hard to exterpolate to modern day skating....
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2014
Here's an article about Tiffany Chin. It goes a bit into her relationship with her Mother. Tiffany also states that she would never want her daughter to be a skater. Interesting read. https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1988-01-25-sp-25659-story.html
In the course of parenting a skating kid, our family has seen some family interactions in passing. Everything from absentee parenting to career-ending smothering with little outside intervention. A couple of times I've seen a parent (in different disciplines) run through the coaches, repeatedly burning bridges for their athlete. Or just coach-jumping to an astounding degree.
Part of the problem is, if your child does not train at an established center and isn't a natural phenom but building their skills over time, then you can't help but have to be involved, at the start. The family has to find the on-ice and off-ice coaches and training facilities to develop the skater.
Plus, if you are a skater and practicing to pursue pairs or ice dance, unless you have a partner, you lose out. In the US, there are partnerships at the Juvenile to Novice level that can access development camps that more talented but unpaired skaters cannot. So the family has to cobble together a training regime. Even if you have competent to excellent coaching, there is a gap. There are some highly-specific things my skater needed/needs that coaches still have not quite been able to help with. It's frustrating to be in such a position.
Also, you could be at a large, popular and successful facility, but if your coaches aren't the top ones at the facility, there might be things that your skater can't access - for example, special jumping rooms. So there are skaters with good coaches at good rinks that can't quite have the same things as the best skaters have. Which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ideally, as the skater moves into the Novice/Junior level, the parent can be confident that their skater is older, well into their skating career, and able to be more independent. (I'm thinking more about personal safety issues in general.) But our family has also seen some coaching that had unhealthy boundaries for older skaters where the situation didn't feel appropriate - skater is technically an adult, parents and federation are abroad, and the skater is isolated in the situation. Could have benefitted from parents being around more. This was with two senior-level skaters. Sad all-around.
Part of the problem is, if your child does not train at an established center and isn't a natural phenom but building their skills over time, then you can't help but have to be involved, at the start. The family has to find the on-ice and off-ice coaches and training facilities to develop the skater.
Plus, if you are a skater and practicing to pursue pairs or ice dance, unless you have a partner, you lose out. In the US, there are partnerships at the Juvenile to Novice level that can access development camps that more talented but unpaired skaters cannot. So the family has to cobble together a training regime. Even if you have competent to excellent coaching, there is a gap. There are some highly-specific things my skater needed/needs that coaches still have not quite been able to help with. It's frustrating to be in such a position.
Also, you could be at a large, popular and successful facility, but if your coaches aren't the top ones at the facility, there might be things that your skater can't access - for example, special jumping rooms. So there are skaters with good coaches at good rinks that can't quite have the same things as the best skaters have. Which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ideally, as the skater moves into the Novice/Junior level, the parent can be confident that their skater is older, well into their skating career, and able to be more independent. (I'm thinking more about personal safety issues in general.) But our family has also seen some coaching that had unhealthy boundaries for older skaters where the situation didn't feel appropriate - skater is technically an adult, parents and federation are abroad, and the skater is isolated in the situation. Could have benefitted from parents being around more. This was with two senior-level skaters. Sad all-around.
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2012
Very interesting read @mrrice . What a sad story. How unhappy mother and daughter are, although there is a lot of caring too.
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2014
In the course of parenting a skating kid, our family has seen some family interactions in passing. Everything from absentee parenting to career-ending smothering with little outside intervention. A couple of times I've seen a parent (in different disciplines) run through the coaches, repeatedly burning bridges for their athlete. Or just coach-jumping to an astounding degree.
As a coach myself, I can't count the number of times a parent has cost their child in various areas. In my case, it cost them leadership positions. When you select a "Captain" for the team, you know you'll be spending hours with that dancer and their parent/parents. If a parent becomes such a nightmare that I can't work with them, their child has no chance of becoming a leader. I've had meeting after meeting with parents trying to get them to understand the boundaries of the studio but, some people just can't do it.
As a coach myself, I can't count the number of times a parent has cost their child in various areas. In my case, it cost them leadership positions. When you select a "Captain" for the team, you know you'll be spending hours with that dancer and their parent/parents. If a parent becomes such a nightmare that I can't work with them, their child has no chance of becoming a leader. I've had meeting after meeting with parents trying to get them to understand the boundaries of the studio but, some people just can't do it.
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2014
I agree about the caring part as well. When you read about how much money they spent on Tiffany's Career, you begin to understand the sacrifices that the families have to make in order for a skater to be successful. It sounds like there was constant stress in their lives.
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2007
Any sport where parents cannot attend practices should be a giant red flag and my child would be removed immediately even if it is the best coach in the world.
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2014
This is an interesting comment. I had some great parents who loved to watch the students dance. Unfortunately, some of them couldn't refrain from commenting about students who weren't theirs. Finally, I had to close our practices until the last half hour when we'd run through the entire dance piece.
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2007
And I'm sure you had no ulterior motive. Honestly. But many do and there is no way for a parent to tell for sure. So for me giant red flag.
Where my kid is now skating, most of the athletes are older, and not local. It is preferred that parents don't watch training much at all. From what I gather, the reasons are 1) the coaching team doesn't want interference while instructing; 2) discretion - choreography is happening, numbers are being run, skaters are sometimes injured or there are things happening in the partnership 3) maintaining a social media blackout (which is well-respected, no leaks here). Still, things have happened in the past parent-wise. For various reasons.
It's an open rink and parents that are in town can stop by whenever they wish; most remain briefly then get back to their work. Parents of the younger skaters do watch a bit more often, to see progress. There's an honor system and it's very respectful (not everyone's "best friends," but skaters are busy and mostly concerned with their own skating goals, with varying friendship groups). I feel confident in my skater's ability to train in relative safety.
I think other rinks we've been at are slightly more volatile because the seriously-committed skaters start at a younger age, so parents are still there to observe the on-ice proceedings (understandable, some kids are still in grade school). Some rinks are serious hierarchies in terms of coaching teams and the skaters that are grouped under them. (Not unlike school or work, really.)
Skating's never not going to be a cattiness-free sport, so you need strong family bonds to withstand the snark. However, you also can't be so strong-willed as a parent that you're serially pissing off coaching teams.
It's an open rink and parents that are in town can stop by whenever they wish; most remain briefly then get back to their work. Parents of the younger skaters do watch a bit more often, to see progress. There's an honor system and it's very respectful (not everyone's "best friends," but skaters are busy and mostly concerned with their own skating goals, with varying friendship groups). I feel confident in my skater's ability to train in relative safety.
I think other rinks we've been at are slightly more volatile because the seriously-committed skaters start at a younger age, so parents are still there to observe the on-ice proceedings (understandable, some kids are still in grade school). Some rinks are serious hierarchies in terms of coaching teams and the skaters that are grouped under them. (Not unlike school or work, really.)
Skating's never not going to be a cattiness-free sport, so you need strong family bonds to withstand the snark. However, you also can't be so strong-willed as a parent that you're serially pissing off coaching teams.
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2019
All great points... I belive the parents are just as important as the coaching team & if everyone know their role miracles happen. Sarah Hughes is another example, she was so carefree throughout the Olympics & was a great match for Robyn Wagner also
Echo that one. Tiffany Chin was one of the most gifted athletes ever to skate. Her mother's interference destroyed her career.
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2019
I just read the article, I dont remember tiffany chin or her mom but it sounds like her mom regrets it. I can't help thinking of Alysa, I don't think she looks motivated or happy..
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2005
On the flip side, what I know of Denise Gold personally, she protected and supported both Gold twins as much as she could knowing that she didn't know how this sport works. Yes, Gracie went through heck with her mental health, but Denise in the time they were at our rink was what I would consider the right type of skating parent.
She was definitely abused. But she didn't DO anything at all... It still rankles that coaches with abuse allegations are still coaching yet Harding has a lifetime ban despite no evidence that she knew about the attack on Nancy. Some serious double standards...
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2007
I agree. But no one asked me.
I watched the Sharp Edges documentary and felt so bad for her.
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