Please Don't Be Nasty On Social Media. And Particularly Not Towards Children.

[CaroLiza_fan]

Earlier on today, I visited the Instagram page of an 11 year old skater that I am a big fan of (most of you will know who I mean but, given what I am about to talk about, I would prefer not to name any of the people I mention). And I was delighted to find that she posted a video on Thursday of clips from her new Short Programme.

Then I started reading the comments. All of them were very complimentary... except for one. This particular comment was posted on Friday, and was from the mother of one of the top Senior level skaters from the country that this young girl trains in. And it said:

"Bad Copy of [insert name of daughter]"​

Why would anybody post something like that on a video that a young child has posted of herself?!

It's not as if this girl is a threat to this woman's daughter. For a start, they represent different countries. And given that there is an age difference of over a decade, they are unlikely to ever compete directly against each other anyway.

Surely the mother of a skater would know that it is highly unfair to compare the efforts of an 11 year old competing at Advanced Novice level so unfavourably to the efforts of an 18-20 year old competing at Senior level. (The older girl used her SP to this music for 2 seasons).

Do you not think that maybe this young girl looks up to your daughter, and was inspired to do this programme after watching your daughter do it? And that she is probably now thinking that your daughter hates her version, and feels that she has let your daughter down?

And surely a woman who has had three children herself (two of whom are girls) knows how damaging nasty comments like this can be on children (particularly girls) of this age.

I'm disgusted.

I've always liked this woman's daughter. And I know you shouldn't judge people by their relatives. But, I have to admit, I don't like the daughter quite as much now as I did before today.

CaroLiza_fan

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

I've been thinking about this situation overnight.

The two skaters belong to different clubs in the same city, which operate out of the same rink. So I'm starting to wonder if there is a long standing rivalry between the two clubs, and if this is a manifestation of it. When she was competing, the coach of the younger skater represented the club that the older skater belongs to. Did her moving to a different club to coach maybe not go down well in some quarters? And is it being taken out on her students? I just plain don't know enough about the internal politics of skating in the country in question to be able to say.

EDIT: For context, the older skater has been national Ladies Champion three times (once in Juniors and twice in Seniors), while the coach of the younger skater has been national Ladies Champion twice (once in Juniors and once in Seniors). But their careers did not overlap.​

I really hope that it is not the other scenario that came into my head. That this nastiness is an example of racism, because of the young girl being Russian. (Even though she has lived in another country since she was a toddler, and that country is where she represents).

Whatever the reasoning, it is not right for the mother of a grown-up skater to say these sorts of things to a child.

CaroLiza_fan

 

[4everchan]

i am not going to get into this but isn't 11 years old too young for social media ?

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

i am not going to get into this but isn't 11 years old too young for social media ?

Oh, don't get me started on that. If I were to have my way, you wouldn't be allowed to use social media until you were 18.

Judging from how the introductory paragraph has changed since I first found the account, the younger skater's mother originally set up and ran the page, but the wee girl is now starting to get involved in it now that she is getting older. (Older! )

CaroLiza_fan

 

[4everchan]

Oh, don't get me started on that. If I were to have my way, you wouldn't be allowed to use social media until you were 18.

Judging how the introductory paragraph has changed since I first found the account, the younger skater's mother originally set up and ran the account, but the wee girl is now starting to get involved in it now that she is getting older. (Older! )

CaroLiza_fan

well... instagram's policy is 13 years old to get an account... so if they are not following this rule, then what do you expect ?

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

well... instagram's policy is 13 years old to get an account... so if they are not following this rule, then what do you expect ?

I don't agree with flouting the rules either. These minimum ages are there for a reason. To protect children from nastiness and other things. Although, as I said, I think the minimum age is far too low.

The mother of the younger skater is a few years older than us, which means she would have been in her twenties when social media started to become popular. So, although she is not old, she wouldn't have experienced what it is like for children and teenagers nowadays.

Personally, seeing what social media has become, I would want to keep children away from it for as long as possible.

But, I suppose a joint effort between a parent and their child as a compromise is far better than the child doing it on their own.

CaroLiza_fan

 

[TallyT]

While I agree an 11 year old shouldn't have an instagram account of her own (though let's face it, a lot of adult social media is basically showcasing their kids, often for profit, I assume without proof to the contrary that this 11 year old is not running the avcount nor being exploited) that seems to be somewhat of a redailment: the other mother is the point at issue and should be thoroughly ashamed of herself. Reminds me of a like from a novel I am fond of... "They will say, and afterwards find excuse for, what on another’s lips they would condemn with sincere loathing."

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

While I agree an 11 year old shouldn't have an instagram account of her own (though let's face it, a lot of adult social media is basically showcasing their kids, often for profit, I assume without proof to the contrary that this 11 year old is not running the count nor being exploited) that seems to be somewhat of a redailment: the other mother is the point at issue and should be thoroughly ashamed of herself. Reminds me of a like from a novel I am fond of... "They will say, and afterwards find excuse for, what on another’s lips they would condemn with sincere loathing."

Exactly!

CaroLiza_fan

 

[Magill]

While I agree an 11 year old shouldn't have an instagram account of her own (though let's face it, a lot of adult social media is basically showcasing their kids, often for profit, I assume without proof to the contrary that this 11 year old is not running the count nor being exploited) that seems to be somewhat of a redailment: the other mother is the point at issue and should be thoroughly ashamed of herself. Reminds me of a like from a novel I am fond of... "They will say, and afterwards find excuse for, what on another’s lips they would condemn with sincere loathing."

This is very true. Whoever runs the account or put the vid there is not the point here. Mean and wicked response is. Even more so that I understand the poster was perfectly aware of the age of the child in question. Really - an adult rivalling a child? Disgusting behaviour on the part of the senior skater's mother!

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

This is very true. Whoever runs the account or put the vid there is not the point here. Mean and wicked response is. Even more so that I understand the poster was perfectly aware of the age of the child in question. Really - an adult rivalling a child? Disgusting behaviour on the part of the senior skater's mother!

That is exactly what I thought, and why I felt the need to bring it up in a thread in The Edge (I was originally going to post about it in the "Random Confessions" thread in Le Café).

Apart from the fact that it was an adult saying this to / about a child, the thing that galls me is that what the young girl was doing in the clips in the video looked really good. And it has got me looking forward to seeing the whole programme.

I have just watched the Instagram video that started this discussion back-to-back with the highest scoring performance of the Senior skater's old programme to the same music. For me, there wasn't enough of the Advanced Novice skater's programme shown in the video to tell how similar or not it is to the Senior skater's programme.

But, what I can say for definite is that there is no similarity whatsoever in the costumes! I thought back at the time that there was no connection between the Senior skater's costume and her music, and I still think so. At least with the Advanced Novice skater's costume the connection is plain to see.

So, I honestly don't know why the Senior skater's mother is complaining.

CaroLiza_fan

 

[lariko]

i am not going to get into this but isn't 11 years old too young for social media ?

This. It doesn't excuse troll remarks, but it is more appropriate to share children's videos privately with friends and family. The damage done to digital natives generation is terrible already. Some serious measures are needed to protect the next one from mental health crisis.

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

This. It doesn't excuse troll remarks, but it is more appropriate to share children's videos privately with friends and family. The damage done to digital natives generation is terrible already. Some serious measures are needed to protect the next one from mental health crisis.

I suppose posting things online is one of the side-effects of how international everything is nowadays.

This young girl is the prime example. She was born in one country, lives in another country, and trains in a third country. And on top of this, she has fans in various other countries (such as myself). There are too many people with an interest in how she is getting on to send things to each person privately, so it is easier to just put it up publically and let the interested parties find it themselves.

I'm sure you find the same yourself with your own situation, living halfway across the world from where you were born and grew up.

But then, doing things publically opens the doors to things like this happening.

It is nice to be part of an international community, becoming friends with people from other countries and other cultures. And it is so much easier to do that with the internet. But the negative side effects of all this connectivity are really becoming clear now.

I'm glad that I was growing up at the time that I was. I couldn't have coped with the way it is nowadays.

CaroLiza_fan

 

[4everchan]

This. It doesn't excuse troll remarks, but it is more appropriate to share children's videos privately with friends and family. The damage done to digital natives generation is terrible already. Some serious measures are needed to protect the next one from mental health crisis.

Of course. Trolls are evil everywhere and at any age... but later on in life, we are more equipped to deal with them. To clarify, I wasn't blaming the victim but just showing that there are rules that would prevent such harm to children below a certain age, and if their parents are not protecting them, and letting them have a go at social media,they are exposing their kids to bullying... there is enough bullying at school, they don't need it online,where the trolls can remain anonymous and unpunished.

 

[FlossieH]

That is exactly what I thought, and why I felt the need to bring it up in a thread in The Edge (I was originally going to post about it in the "Random Confessions" thread in Le Café).

Apart from the fact that it was an adult saying this to / about a child, the thing that galls me is that what the young girl was doing in the clips in the video looked really good. And it has got me looking forward to seeing the whole programme.

I have just watched the Instagram video that started this discussion back-to-back with the highest scoring performance of the Senior skater's old programme to the same music. For me, there wasn't enough of the Advanced Novice skater's programme shown in the video to tell how similar or not it is to the Senior skater's programme.

But, what I can say for definite is that there is no similarity whatsoever in the costumes! I thought back at the time that there was no connection between the Senior skater's costume and her music, and I still think so. At least with the Advanced Novice skater's costume the connection is plain to see.

So, I honestly don't know why the Senior skater's mother is complaining.

CaroLiza_fan

From what you have said in this thread, the three most likely reasons seem to be:

1) Tensions between the two skating clubs using that rink, particularly if the coach has changed clubs (and is maybe being perceived as having 'stolen' the programme and given it to the younger skater).

2) Insecurity on the part of the mother, which is being taken out on someone else's daughter because the mother making the comments does not know how to deal with things.

3) Jealousy of the younger skater. You said she was 11, and most skaters have not reached Advanced Novice yet at that age. A feeling that the younger skater is progressing faster than her daughter did, combined with concerns that the younger lass might be the one who was remembered for the programme, could easily prompt the sort of behaviour you have seen.

None of the above make the the behaviour acceptable, but we can perhaps see how it might arise.

 

[NanaPat]

It's possible to make an Instagram account private. In fact, Instagram accounts registered to people 18 and under are private by default and those for people 16 or under must remain private.

The 11-year-olds account is probably registered to her mother. Now that the mother realizes how much she is exposing her daughter, she should have sense enough to make the account private.

Once it is private, only followers can see it. The account owner can accept as many followers as she likes; she can even accept all follow requests and then remove any followers who post inappropriately.

here is information on private accounts and followers.