Well, all I can say is "Thank God this board has me around to counsel the youth."
Son, an "old friend" is flying in to spend the weekend with you. Your antenna aren't up? They ought to be.
Let a lecherous old dinosaur give you some tips.
Clean you apartment, and I mean spotless. After you clean the bathroom to maximum levels of pristine, close the door firmly and do not go back in there. Shower and take care of other business at the gym. Wash the sheets, make the bed perfectly, and sleep on the couch until she comes. Make sure your car is clean. Get a haircut. Put a nice bottle of white on ice, and glasses handy to pour the instant she walks into your home. Have a simple, but elegant meal prepped and ready for you to make, while she continues to sip her wine. Wear a casual suit, no tie, to greet her at the airport with a simple spring bouquet... no roses, they're too obvious. "At the airport" means at the gate, not baggage claim and certainly not waiting in your car in the loading zone.
Do we need to have "The Talk"?
It turns out the person in the pooh costume is another active GS user! 
