Coaching Drama! Help please!

[SimonaKay]

Hello Everyone,

I’m completely new to the world of figure skating and learning this wonderful, and sometimes strange, world. It’s been amazing for the most part.

My two daughters and I began skating about 6 months ago just for FUN and we LOVE it! My daughters are 10 and 3 and both are doing very good. We all started with group lessons and now my oldest and I are up to three private lessons a week with our coach. Let’s call her Amy.

My youngest daughter (age 3) is very outgoing and made great friends with another coach at our rink. Given there immediate bond, they started private lessons, just 15 minutes, once a week. My little girl just loves the lessons and her coach and has improved tremendously from the 1 on 1 time. And she just loves this kind coaches attention!

We have been having this schedule for 3 months. In my eyes everything was going perfect. My oldest daughter and I love our coach Amy and my youngest loves her other coach. Perfect, right?

Well, at our last lessons, Amy pulls me aside with the most solemn look on her face and tells me, that she is not on a team with the coach of my young daughter and is not comfortable with my girl taking lessons from her! I was so in shock I didn’t even know how to respond, it was so bizarre! I just said something like, “Okay... we can probably take care of that.” But I felt super uncomfortable.

Fist off, Amy is not even the coach of my young daughter at all. Secondly,my young daughter and her coach have a great friendship and it’s all in good fun. No competitions or anything, just FUN. Am I just supposed to stop there lessons? How awkward would that be? And is it what’s best for my daughter? I don’t think so. I’m in a strange position here.

My question really is why do you think that Amy feels this way? I’m sure there must be a good reason that I’m not seeing here… As I said we are new to the world of figure skating! I have thought of a few options but nothing quite makes sense.

I do plan to talk more about this with Amy at our next lesson to gain some clarity but just wanted to reach out here for a little advice and perspective first.

Thank you so much in advance for any insights. I very much appreciate it!

 

[MiraiFan]

You need more background info on this... is there a skating director at the rink who may shed some light?

 

[SimonaKay]

Hi, thank you for your reply. There is a skating director, I did not think of talking with her. Thank you!

 

[tstop4me]

We have been having this schedule for 3 months. In my eyes everything was going perfect. My oldest daughter and I love our coach Amy and my youngest loves her other coach. Perfect, right?

Well, at our last lessons, Amy pulls me aside with the most solemn look on her face and tells me, that she is not on a team with the coach of my young daughter and is not comfortable with my girl taking lessons from her! I was so in shock I didn’t even know how to respond, it was so bizarre! I just said something like, “Okay... we can probably take care of that.” But I felt super uncomfortable.

<<Emphasis added.>> This doesn't make any sense to me. The concept of a coaching team arises only if a single skater is simultaneously taking lessons from more than one coach. If I understand you correctly, you and your older daughter are both taking lessons from Amy (only) and your younger daughter is taking lessons from a different coach (only). If this is correct, there is no coaching team. There is also no protocol that requires all skaters in a single family to take lessons from the same coach.

If Amy has personal issues with the other coach (this happens), then she shouldn't drag you into it; after all, your current scenario does not require her to work with, or even interact with, the other coach. If Amy is nudging you to drop the other coach, then I would consider her behavior unprofessional.

 

[4everchan]

I'd probably not do anything about it... If Amy asks again, I would say "we've thought about all this, we appreciate your input but my little one really likes this coach and for now, as it's 15 minutes a week and just for fun, we prefer to leave things as is... I hope you can understand that"

If Amy has any common sense, she will be fine... if not, then, you will know who you are dealing with...

 

[Elija]

This sounds ridiculous. I know several siblings that have different coaches, it’s totally normal. As was pointed out above, this should only be a conversation if it’s multiple coaches for the same skater. And when it’s a three year old just having fun for 15 minutes a week?? That is just bizarre. I would definitely ask her to clarify or talk to the skating director.

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

I agree with others in this thread and especially with @tstop4me.

I would talk to the skating director and I would also consider dropping Amy as a coach for you and your ten year old and finding someone else, would your 3y/o's coach be willing and are they qualified to also coach you and 10y/o? If so, you could consider that.

It sounds like an immature/unprofessional move on Amy's part. If she has issues with the other coach personally, then that's on her, one should never drag students into it, especially in your situation and that your 3y/o is taking fun lessons for 15 mins.

Good luck!

 

[christy]

Some coaches can be territorial, if the skater is going to the Olympics, but this is a 3 year child who is having fun learning some basic skills. It's possible that Amy doesn't get along with the other coach, but your 3 year old does and that's what matters.

Personally I think it's incredibly unprofessional of Amy to say anything. Her personal differences with another coach should not affect you and your children. Whilst it may be worth speaking to the skating director, I'd be inclined to maintain the current situation and not say anything to Amy or anyone else for now. What can Amy say that will make you stop your 3 year old's lessons with a coach she really likes? If Amy mentions it again I'd say "we've thought about it and my 3 year old really likes her coach", and then see what she says. Depending on her argument you can decide whether you want to continue lessons with her or all move to the 3 year olds coach.

 

[SimonaKay]

<<Emphasis added.>> This doesn't make any sense to me. The concept of a coaching team arises only if a single skater is simultaneously taking lessons from more than one coach. If I understand you correctly, you and your older daughter are both taking lessons from Amy (only) and your younger daughter is taking lessons from a different coach (only). If this is correct, there is no coaching team. There is also no protocol that requires all skaters in a single family to take lessons from the same coach.

If Amy has personal issues with the other coach (this happens), then she shouldn't drag you into it; after all, your current scenario does not require her to work with, or even interact with, the other coach. If Amy is nudging you to drop the other coach, then I would consider her behavior unprofessional.

Thank you for your reply. Yes, you understood the situation correctly.

I think you may have hit the nail on the head that they have personal issues and agree that it is totally unprofessional to bring me in.

I loved Amy and still do but this has definitely put a damper on things for me.

I still haven’t quite decided what to do.

Thank you!

 

[SimonaKay]

, I'd be inclined to maintain the current situation and not say anything to Amy or anyone else for now. What can Amy say that will make you stop your 3 year old's lessons with a coach she really likes? If Amy mentions it again I'd say "we've thought about it and my 3 year old really likes her coach", and then see what she says. Depending on her argument you can decide whether you want to continue lessons with her or all move to the 3 year olds coach.

 

[SimonaKay]

Thank you for your reply. I think this is great advice and probably the route we will take. Thank you!

 

[SimonaKay]

This sounds ridiculous. I know several siblings that have different coaches, it’s totally normal. As was pointed out above, this should only be a conversation if it’s multiple coaches for the same skater. And when it’s a three year old just having fun for 15 minutes a week?? That is just bizarre. I would definitely ask her to clarify or talk to the skating director.

Okay! Thank you! That’s what I was thinking... I’m just glad I’m not crazy.

 

[SimonaKay]

I'd probably not do anything about it... If Amy asks again, I would say "we've thought about all this, we appreciate your input but my little one really likes this coach and for now, as it's 15 minutes a week and just for fun, we prefer to leave things as is... I hope you can understand that"

If Amy has any common sense, she will be fine... if not, then, you will know who you are dealing with...

Very true! Thank you for your input!