I wrote a poem yesterday that I'm serious about and I just wanted any comments or suggestions or feedback... something? It's without a title, so coming up with a title would be an idea as well....
Anyone I've asked so far hasn't really said anything much except that it's very dark... and one comment I got was that reading it was like envisioning yourself dying and walking to your own grave.
Visions of immaculate dreams
Nothing to hide
Nothing to see
Walking towards the dark clouds
In the overcast sky
Waiting to storm
Waiting for the rain
Beyond the sunshine
Beyond the bright light
Into the realms of darkness and dreariness
Follow me
And you will see
Everything
That is meant to be
No more smiles
No happiness
No emotions
Or feelings
No need
Everyone has the same face
The expression
That reads:
Lifeless
Follow me now
Take my hand
And wander
Away from all that you know
All that is recognizable
And move in
To the new world
Where love isn’t a question
It’s not
Even an option
No heart will be broken
No one will be disappointed
I do not have to do
What I know cannot be done
I do not have to fight
In a war that can’t be won
Whispery chill
Down your neck
Raising the hairs
On your back
Close your eyes
And drift away
Into the magic
That’s here to stay
Force back the heavens
And come with me
Rise above
Into eternity
Anyone I've asked so far hasn't really said anything much except that it's very dark... and one comment I got was that reading it was like envisioning yourself dying and walking to your own grave.
Visions of immaculate dreams
Nothing to hide
Nothing to see
Walking towards the dark clouds
In the overcast sky
Waiting to storm
Waiting for the rain
Beyond the sunshine
Beyond the bright light
Into the realms of darkness and dreariness
Follow me
And you will see
Everything
That is meant to be
No more smiles
No happiness
No emotions
Or feelings
No need
Everyone has the same face
The expression
That reads:
Lifeless
Follow me now
Take my hand
And wander
Away from all that you know
All that is recognizable
And move in
To the new world
Where love isn’t a question
It’s not
Even an option
No heart will be broken
No one will be disappointed
I do not have to do
What I know cannot be done
I do not have to fight
In a war that can’t be won
Whispery chill
Down your neck
Raising the hairs
On your back
Close your eyes
And drift away
Into the magic
That’s here to stay
Force back the heavens
And come with me
Rise above
Into eternity