grabbed Kimmie and said, "Listen up, you are the worst of all the U.S. Ladies right now, I mean you are just so boring to watch and all you have going for you is a triple axel."
Kimmie taken aback just stared at Katarina is disbelief and said, "Fine, you know what I really wanted to be a Zamboni driver anyway."
"You have to be a man to drive the Zamboni, you twit," Kat thundered, then she reached into her purse and took out a Fredericks of Hollywood Wonder Bra. "Put this on so you look like me, well a short version of me, a sort of mini me!" Then she turned once more to her purse and took out....
,,,meanwhile, across the country Michelle Kwan was having nightmares of her own...In the dead of sleep she awoke to her worst recurring nightmare...Tara Lapinski with NO bum hip. It was an odd dream, she thought. It was if she were a skating Vampire and each time she attempted to near the podium she was repelled by a gold medal.
Silly she knew, Tara had said she considered herself an actress. "That's nice, " she thought " I wonder if that means I can consider myself a heart surgeon?" as she fell back in her bed with peals of laughter
At the exact same time Cohen, Slutskaya, Sokolova, Rouchette, Czizney, Arakawa, Sugurie, Liang, and Hughes 2, all woke up having had the same dream. Meanwhile Kwan was in a sekret room at her new arena looking at a giant screen of all of her opponents. Each was shaking her head trying to figure out the reason for thestange dream. Kwan smiled, thinking now
Kwan thought very carefully and as she was doing this...across town, a bitter Richard Callihan and Young Actress Tara had a little plot going of their own...
Callihan said, "Tara I've got to hand it to you we fooled them all. You should have an academy award for acting. For 4 minutes you had the world actually believing that you were a figure skater." Tara replied, "What can I say, a little coaching and a lot of daddy's money can accomplish anything." Callihan said, "We have our work cut out for us now. To keep the string of baby ballerina OGM winners going just which BB do we need to help win that medal? BeBe, Katy, Kimmie, or Hughes 2?"
...."I think we should help Kimmie with the triple axel and I'm gonna call my friend Tonya to help" said Tara. "Groovy" purred Dick, as he dialed the phone for her while her blue nail polish dried...meanwhile in Seattle, Tonya was....
figuring out how to gain an advantage over her competitors. But then suddenly, there was a "smash!" Kwan must have leapt up 20 ft, she was so startled. There stood...
"The 3/3, 3A, and 4S that you have perfected and TT has included in your LP. No wonder your hip hurts! Why, oh why didn't I train harder I could be wearing the OGM instead of that little brat! " Michelle laughing outl oud gave her a high five and said "I heard that!"
"BWHA-HA-HA!" kackled Kwan. "While you two have had this sekret animosity towards each other all these years, I've liked you BOTH! Heck-fire! I've even liked Tonya, Nancy, Oksana, and..." Kwan took a deep breath. "And yes, even Sasha," Michelle said, sotto voce, "In fact, Sasha and I have become quite close, especially since touring together with COI." Michelle leaned against the wall and looked at a frosted window. Tara and Nicole stood as if in a trance, one thinking Michelle was able to see through the frost out the window, the other thinking Michelle was looking only at the frost. Neither was right.
You could cut the air in the room with a newly sharpened skate blade. Michelle sighed. A small tear formed at the corner of her eye but did not fall. It seemed to hold on to Kwan's lashes, afraid of what letting go might release. "No one knows how close Sasha and I have become." The tear gave up its grip and glided down Michelle's cheek, leaving a path of salt water on the curve of her cheek like the perfect runout of a backward outside edge on the ice.
"But now," said Michelle, narrowing her eyes, "Now..."
(OT: RG- have you thought about writing a skating story? )
LET'S CONTINUE
...
Before she could mutter anything, though, her emotions got the better of her. She just couldn't control herself any longer...she completely broke down. She turned away and tried to cover her face, but tried to remain as quiet as possible as to not startle the others in the room. But the others were easily able to pick up on it, as the room was as quiet as ever. Then...
Kwan snapped out of it. Just then who appeared but Sasha Cohen. After thinking to herself "Hmmm the sekret room doesn't seem very sekret anymore", Michelle looked over at Sasha and said "Hey Juliette, welcome to The Isle of the Dead!" And with those words Kwan"s LP music for the Olympic season was announced. Not in a press conference, or on a web site but among her friends both old and new. "Ladies", said Kwan as she looked around the room "the lattes are on me". Sasha, who had been quiet until now had a twinkle in her eye "Michelle you really do Rach, but if you don't mind instead of a latte make mine a Red Dog. I'm in the mood to kick a little a$$". The ladies started
laughing outloud at Sasha. Michelle's crocodile tears stopped abruptly. She said. "put some meat on those skinny little legs, Sash, or you can forgett kicking MY butt!" Right then the monitors all swithed on and it was Ottavio Cinquanta saying...
MK and SC, since you did not do the Grand Prix this year, you are hereby disqualified for the World championships! As for the rest of you, I'm stating this new rule: Compete in the GP, or else face my wrath!
Cohen (or Kwan, your choice, but not both) then said...(to be continued)