Ever loaned a friend a lot of money?

[Johar]

My friend and her mom are in dire straits. Her mom was hit by a car, and can't work until she recovers. She was enrolled in school. My friend works but due to medical bills, they are on their last leg. Everytime the settlement is about to be finalized, the bad driver changes his story and they have to start all over.

My friend and her mom may be evicted soon, if they already don't have their electricity cut off. My friend tried several charities, but they are only interested in helping people with children.

I am 100% positive she will pay me back. I was just curious if you ever loaned money to a friend in dire need.

 

[Jill]

Yes, I certainly have. My friend's story was a little different. Here it is, as I remember it. The year was 1982, I was in a really good situation, financially and otherwise. My friend wrote me and told me that someone had broken into her house with a gun-she lived in a ground floor apartment. She was a single mom with two little girls. She no longer felt safe in this apartment and "needed" to move. She had no money and nowhere else to turn. She promised to pay me back. I told her no hurry. My situation changed, as situations do. I bit the bullet and asked her if she could think about paying me $100 a month until it was repaid. She agreed and sent one check for $100. A few months later she wrote me and told me that the schools were so bad where she lived that kids were getting stabbed in the halls. She "needed" to put them into a Catholic school, and therefore, wouldn't be able to send the agreed $100. I said fine, I'd accept $20 a month. She agreed, and I didn't hear from her again until she got the invitation to my wedding, in 1986. I didn't mention the money, already assuming it a lost cause. She said she would "try" to attend, but she and her kids would "need" a ride, new outfits, a place to stay (they lived in the next state), and on and on and on. She didn't come.

My point is this, think long and hard before lending money to a friend, because you usally end up with neither.

Now, you ask, would I do it again? Probably. I think if you're going to do something nice, don't do it to get your name in the paper. Do it because you want to do something nice. In hindsight, I think I might've told her to ask 10 people for $100 each, rather than one person for $1000. Most people aren't going to miss $100. Another thing you might want to do is get a few friends together and chip in. Then give annonymously what you can spare. It's my experience that once someone really gets into debt, it could take years to get out. Even if they have every intention of repaying you, it seems there's never enough.

Sorry for the long story. I hope this helps. I think your friend is lucky to have such a caring person in their corner.

 

[Johar]

Thanks, Jill.

I am so mad at the government and insurance companies. They don't seem to care if they are out on the street.

To top it off, her office wants donations for a Christmas party and they expect her to chip in. And this week co-workers were talking about buying expensive Christmas gifts--including airplanes and boats. They know about her situation and say stuff like, "Oh, I hope things change. Good luck. I have to go Christmas shopping now."

 

[Skate@Delaware]

Thanks, Jill.

I am so mad at the government and insurance companies. They don't seem to care if they are out on the street.

To top it off, her office wants donations for a Christmas party and they expect her to chip in. And this week co-workers were talking about buying expensive Christmas gifts--including airplanes and boats. They know about her situation and say stuff like, "Oh, I hope things change. Good luck. I have to go Christmas shopping now."

Your friend should go to the office Christmas party. Instead of giving gifts (as is expected) give each person a card with a note about how we keep Christmas, not by the presents we give, but in our hearts. That should shut them up. They are a heartless and cruel bunch by expecting your friend to buy gifts, knowing the situation! Mean people Suck!!!

Actually, your friend should just say, in light of her mother's health, she will be spending Christmas at home, and make no mention about giving gifts. If it is brought up, she should just smile and say, "I'll have to think about it later when my mother is better."

 

[Jill]

Another thing, since you brought up her office. How long ago was this accident? Has she talked to a lawyer, or just made an insurance claim? I was in a horrible accident some years ago ( I didn't walk for two years). The insurance company immediately sent a man to my house who told me I really didn't need to talk to a lawyer. Funny, I hadn't thought of it, until then. When I thought about it, no lawyers were beating a path to my door, but the insurance man was. I found a good lawyer and got a settlement. I got on a program and at age 42, went back to school so that I could get work. I learned to live on a lot less. Since I had been employed since I was a kid, and was disabled for more than one year, I could collect social security.

I still don't make as much money as I did before the accident, and my husband has to work two jobs. But we get by.

In short, unless the statute of limitations has run out, my advice would be to talk to a lawyer.

 

[Johar]

They are talking to a lawyer. The settlement was supposed to come in September, then October, but each time they they were within a day of reaching it the driver would change his story, and seemed to enjoy stalling the settlement.

 

[Ptichka]

I have loaned friends money. In most cases it worked out well. In one case, though, a friend only borrowed the money for 2 weeks, but ended up keeping it for over a month when I really needed it.

 

[Johar]

Her mom's accident was on May 10th. her mom was enrolled in classes for a desk job after hurting her back as a nurse.

 

[merrywidow]

When I was young I read an article written by Eleanor Roosevelt on the subject of loaning money that has stayed with me all of my life. She said "never loan anyone money that you cannot afford to think of as a gift. Then if they don't repay the loan (either partially or in full) you won't feel taken advantage of by the individual." It's very good advice & will cause you to think through the loan & the amount.

 

[Jill]

That's some good advice, merrywidow.

 

[dlkksk8fan]

I always say never loan money to a friend or a family member ( I have never done so). If a friend or family member needs something like food, clothing, etc then buy it for them if you are financially able to. If you do loan money to someone, make sure you document what the amount is, how and when it is suppose to be paid back, date and signature of the person getting the money.

 

[Antilles]

I agree with Merrywidow. If I lent anyone a large amount of money, I would not be expecting it back.

 

[heyang]

I've loaned friends and family amounts between $500 & $1000. I've been paid back everytime, but not on the time table that I would have reciprocated if I had borrowed money.

If you do this, make sure that you both understand that it is a loan and not a gift. Has your friend actually asked for a loan or would she consider your contribution a gift?

As someone else suggested, you can give it, but don't expect to be repayed. If this is a loan, I would suggest that you have her sign an agreement that specifies the conditions (i.e must be repayed by date, etc.) That way it'll be clear that you both understand the terms.

 

[Buzzz]

I never leant friends money but I have spent a lot on relations. But once they knew they could get money from me easily, they kept coming back. SO I finally put my foot down and said if I send you any more you must pay me back. I sent them something like $40.00, however this was too much for them to pay back so they stopped calling and I have not heard from them inover 2 years.

 

[Johar]

Thanks for all the advice. I sent her the $300, which she received. What annoyed me was I had to ask her if she received it. Then she said a brief "thank you" on IM.

Had I received $300 I would've been more grateful-acting and appreciative.

 

[Jill]

Some friend. That might be the reason she's getting the short-shrift from her co-workers. I know I shouldn't say that as I don't even know her, but it causes one to wonder...............

 

[Johar]

I am wondering, too. She admitted to me she is not a very social person at all, and at the "obligatory Christmas office party" she will often stand aside by herself and not engage in conversations.

 

[heyang]

My guess is that you won't see that money again. If anyone sent me $300, I would be calling - at least send an e-mail. Sheesh!


For your sake, I hope that everything works out the way you want it to.